My girlfriend can't have sex. I need some advice.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Today it has been more than 3 years that we are together, she has physical problem that she cant have intercourse, doctors said that there is no cure, there is something mentally wrong and it will be fine by itself. I had great sex life before and i started to miss it. And I'm the person who loves to have sex everyday, But the problem is she doesn't like Any kind of sex ( oral or even touching ). So i feel like i am sacrificing my sex life to someone who cant even give me an orgasm. Of course we love each other, we have good relation except of sex. I feel like she thinks that its my duty to not ask for sex. I think that I'm giving more in this relationship than getting. And i feel so sad. It feels so uncomfortable to talk about sex with her, and always ends up with big fight. It could be great if you give me some hints.

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  • Posted

    When you are young sex is the be-all and end-all, but the reality is that its is absolutely nothing compared with the fulfilment gained from just being in love with someone.

    Let me give you an example, lets just say that you were a soldier who due to an injury sustained in war could not engage in sex. Would you say that would be the end of any relationship that you had? Of course not.

    The problem is that all male animals, including humans are all pre-programmed to reproduce. It is just something that is built into us all, but if for one reason or another procreation is not possible, does that mean that the male has to spend the rest of his life alone? Of course not.

    In time it may well be that a cure might be found for your partner, but until then you have one of two options, you either leave her because the sex is more important to you than she is, or you stay with her and support her through this very difficult time.

    If you wish to discuss it with her you have to be very careful and gentle that you don't make her feel uncomfortable, and thereby make her psycholical condition even worse.

    You must always remember that she is not just a piece of meat, she is a sensitive, intelligent, living, breathing, feeling human being.

    Although she doesn't say much to you about this, I have no doubt that she feels very guilty that she has no way at the moment of satisfying you.

    So as I say, a great deal depends upon how much you love her.

    In my case I would willingly give my life for my partner and ask nothing in return - but everybody is different. 

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    • Posted

      Tnx for reply. I totally understand what you are saying. I always support her, I've never told her even once that is her problem that we cant have sex, even I've promised her that If one day we need to break up, sex will not be the reason. And i am pretty sure that she is suffering, and i do everything to comfort her, but it doesn't mean that i always will ignore my needs, and this is relationship. Its us its not me or you. So we have to somehow compromise, i think she should also help me also otherwise i cant carry this by my own. I would give my life also if i see that i would get equally. But i wont give my life to someone who cant help me!
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    • Posted

      Your point is well taken. You do have a life and that must also be taken into account.

      If you find it difficult the discuss the subject with your partner directly, have you considered both of you going to Relate who run counselling services for couples having problems?

      Check them out on Google.

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  • Posted

    Possibly vulvadynia. There are meds to take to retrain the nerve paths and you're to do in combination w, sexual therapy and regular therapy. It takes a combination, because it is a combination of nerves misfiring and the result of psychological issues.

    I agree a lot w what Archemedes says, but w that said, I know Archemedes is an older gentleman ans therefore a lot wiser and not thinking w the wrong head. I suspect benst is rather young and well,.... that's all they think about.

    The part I do not agree w and my being a female myself feel is selfish, is the unwillingness to sexually please him other ways and I don't think it is too much to expect or ask for. Although as annoying as it is to accept, I have learned to accept that men are very different from women. Looks is the number one most important thing, until a certain age,.. And even then it doesn't change for some. Men are so visual, as shallow as that is, I can't change that. Men seem to bond and that's scientific evidence to back that; w their partners through sexual activity. I completely understand what he's saying and if someone wasn't at least trying to make it up to me in other ways, it would just feel like my best guy friend w no sexual chemistry and I couldn't see that lasting. Resentment builds up and this is how people end up cheating. I haven't, wouldn't and couldn't, but I'm playing devils advocate and have friends who were in your position.

    I think you two should go to couples counseling, because this issue has so many dimensions to it and I feel that you both can get the most out of it from seeing maybe a sex therapist and/or regular couples therapist together. Good luck!

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    • Posted

      Tnx for reply. There is a problem with her vagaina's muscles they dont let anything from outside gets in, and its realy painfu experience for her.

      I agree with you, we were in couple therapy and she suggested us to have threesome, we agreed but one day she said that she doesnt feel good about it so i agreed to no have it, but i think she doesnt help me as much as i do, ive never told her that its her problem i always mentioned as our problem and told her that i will never leave her because of her problem, but it feels like she is taking it for granted, she doesnt even affort simple touching to help me. It feels not so good. Soon it will be 4 years and i have no idea how long she is gonna be like this. It feels like i am the only one that is trying to keep this relationship safe.

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    • Posted

      I don't find that appropriate, that a therapist suggested a third person. That is going yo bring up feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and failure, that she can't give you something. How would you feel if you couldn't get it up and watching a guy have sex w her? Come on.. That's not right to expect a three some. I do think, there are so many ways that you can have foreplay ans you two should explore into that.
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  • Posted

    Also... Look into tantric w a sex therapist. It is supposed to be very intimate, very intense, long orgasmas, but doesn't require physical penetration necessarily.
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  • Posted

    I would have thought if she loved you, she could at least give you some relief, if only with her hand, I wouldn't think that would be too much to ask.
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