My girlfriend is allergic to something around or about me, please help!

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Hello everyone. I’m posting this on behalf of my girlfriend who is having an issue related to allergy whenever she is around me or my house. I know this is a bit of a wall of text but please keep reading, we can use all the help we can get at this point. Also I’m posting this with her consent.  We are in a long distance relationship. I live in Europe, she lives in Asia. This has been going on for the past 2 years now, and during that time we’ve visited each other 4 times, usually for several weeks. The first time I went to Asia we met up and for the about 2 weeks that we were together nothing was out of the ordinary, no allergic reaction whatsoever.

The second time we met up she came to Europe, and that’s when problems started. After about a few days she started to develop an allergic reaction. The symptoms were: hives or rash on her face, ears, parts of her  arms and legs with quite severe itching, to the point when she had difficulty sleeping and couldn’t stop scratching. It looked like small red bumps. Also her eyes were extremely itchy to the point where it was hard for her not to keep rubbing them. After some time her private parts also got itchy. The itch was pretty much unbearable so we went to get some creams and medicine at the drug store.  I’m not sure what kind of cream that was, but the medicine was the antihistamine ‘’cetirizine’’. Also we got a kind of eye drops that provided only temporary relief.  All of these things had minimal effect as the rash continued throughout that visit. As soon as she left here, her symptoms gradually disappeared over the period of 1 to 2 weeks.

We started thinking about what could be the cause. We thought it may have been my fabric softener or detergent, so from that point on I changed to exclusively 100% neutral allergen free detergent so that that could not be the cause on my next visit.

The third time we met up I went to Asia. Apparently I was carrying the allergen again because after 1 or 2 days her symptoms started appearing again. By this time I had been washing with the allergen free detergent for 1 or 2 months. The symptoms were exactly the same as the last time, however of somewhat lesser degree, but still enough to be very uncomfortable. To take some measures I started washing with her soaps and shampoos, and to be sure I washed all of my clothing again with her detergent. Also I avoided using any deodorants and stuff like that, despite it being in the middle of a hot summer. Also I don’t use any hair gels. Again her symptoms went away about a week after I left.

Sometime later I went to Asia again to visit. This visit was kind of bad in general as we got flu for different reasons. Despite that, her symptoms reoccurred again after a day or two,  to a similar lesser degree like last visit. She went to a doctor and got some different medicine for allergy that worked only somewhat. Again her symptoms went away about a week after I left.

Recently she got a general allergy test for the most common allergies. The results only showed around 50% chance of allergy for dogs. She has frequent contact with a dog which give her no allergic reaction. Also a very small percentage of allergy to cats. I do have cats in the house, but actually her family house has also had a cat since she was younger. She has never gotten a reaction from that cat, and no reaction recently still. So unless Asian cats and European cats differ greatly in terms of the allergens they carry, that also seems an unlikely cause. The test also showed a very small percentage for allergy to molds and fungus. As far as I know I don’t have those around my house, and I don’t see how I could have carried a sufficient amount of that to Asia in my suitcase.  Molds also seem unlikely. The test shows she is not allergic to pollen and dust mites, unlike me. I’m allergic to dust mites myself.

On the internet I’ve been reading up about allergies to a protein in semen that some people have. This also seems unlikely. For reasons we don’t really have oral or anal sex down below, with or without condom (which would also eliminate latex allergy). I can say semen has made contact with her mouth, but no allergic reaction has developed in or around her mouth which would make semen allergy unlikely.

As far as she knows she’s never had any allergic reaction to any kind of food.

I really hope the allergy is not the result of some sort of psychosomatic response. (perhaps in combination with some otherwise harmless allergen). I wouldn’t really know how we could deal with such an allergic response.

Is there maybe something we overlooked? Some other possible causes that come to mind? She will be visiting again soon and I really hope we can prevent her allergies this time. Many thanks for all the help and advice you can provide.

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  • Posted

    Hi there,

    I've recently learned a lot about certain things that can cause hives and itching of the skin that are not actually allergies even though they feel just like it. It can happen from deficiencies of certain vitamins as well as from hormones.

    I personally experienced this. Itching and hives. Hives especially on my inner thighs. But hives would show up anywhere that I scratched or even where fabric would rub. This happened after I started taking B6 to recover from a deficiency (long story). And b6 affects the hormones estrogen and progesterone, and does a lot of other things. There are vitamins involved with histamine clearance and creation too.

    So maybe your girlfriend does have a psychosomatic response but think of it more like a series of chemical reactions when she sees you. Love triggers a bunch of chemicals in the brain. Perhaps your girlfriend doesn't have enough of some nutrient to make all the neurotransmitters without sacrificing something else in her body, leading to the hives.

    She could take some vitamins for a while in case that is the issue.

    After two months on B6 and other vitamins the itching has gone way down. Zinc also seems to help.

    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. And you're right that could be a possible cause. It seems to be either something psychological, or something related to a chemical imbalance, or even more likely a combination of both. Since we've ruled out common allergies we'll probably shift our attention to that. Thanks for your suggestion to take vitamins, we may try that. My gf generally eats a lot of different vegetables so one would not suspect a lack in vitamins, but of course it may still be something related. 


  • Posted

    Hi Anon991100, my boyfriend and I has the same problem as you guys. Or almost the same. He had his LASIK surgery a couple of years ago, since then he had eye problems (like stinging pain) everytime I visit him or he visits me here. I am Asian and he is European. I did tried to change all my cosmetics to non-allergic or hypoallergenic ones, but still he is suffering from such pain. It is really frustrating to see him suffer. We also tried to use all anti-allergy detergents, like for very sensitive people but it has helped a bit. sad Now we are starting to think that he is probably allergic to me. Did you guys found out about what's causing your problem as well? My boyfriend talked to his sister which is a doctor and she said it could probably caused by some oil that I use, but the thing is, I don't use oil on my body and I hate it as well. Does your girlfriend uses such? I hope you guys are getting some light on to it!

    • Posted

      We actually ended up breaking up, for reasons unrelated to the allergic reactions. We never found out what caused the reactions.

      However, I hope you have a better luck with this.

  • Posted

    Maybe you are used to wearing the allergic perfumes or deodoranst and you havent noticed that? I think its something you probably wear always with and the smell can also make your girlfrend fell ill. Remember about all the chemistry you are using everyday! Shampoo, body lotion, hair condition or tooth paste. In every kind od those things can be allergic stuff. Do you have animals? Because you can have the fur on your clothes! You shouldnt eliminate everythng ,but thing after thing, then you will be sure what is making yours girlfriends allergic at you. Hope you will find the awnser and have good time with your love smile

  • Posted

    Hi Anon991100 me and my girlfriend seem to have similar or the same problem as you.

    I'm from Europe and she is from USA. The first time we met she didn't show any symptoms for about 5 days. We were in hotel in Europe together. Then we travelled to another country in Europe and slept in a different hotel, and she woke up with a swollen and red eye. In about 3 days it got really bad, and both her eyes were extremely itchy and red and she had a rash on her face, neck and shoulders.

    After 3 more days she went back to US and in about 3-4 days she got better. Then after 3 months she came back to Europe to see me again where we stayed in a different hotel, and her allergy started again. At this point we thought it was detergent in the hotel sheets because it always becomes worse in the morning when she wakes up. This time the allergy started after the first night she woke up with only red eyes that lasted for couple days. Soon after that the skin around her eyes became very itchy and red, and there was some mucus in her eyes. She also began to have a rash on her neck, face and shoulders.  Everything became worse the longer we were there and the rash was slowly spreading to other parts of her body, but it was just mild on those parts. However, she never had any rash on her private parts.

    Then she went back to US and once again the rash and her eyes became better in matter of days, but skin around her eyes took about a month to fully heal. We still thought it was the detergent in the hotel sheets.

    Now I live with her in US in her house. I am here for less than a week and she already started having red eyes. I washed all my clothes that I brought with her detergent. I use her soap and shampoo and I don't use anything else. And for sure she is not allergic to my shaving gel. I don't think me and my girlfriend have spent as much time together as you and your girlfriend and we are at the beginning of resolving this issue. We will post updates if we find anything useful.

    If you find a solution let us know. It would help us a lot.


  • Edited

    I think we found what the problem is. Not 100% sure but the treatment is working. It's probably demodex mites that are in my hair. They can also live in the eyelashes and irritate the face skin and other parts of the body.

    The treatment that we chose is that I wash my hair every day with Head & Shoulders clinical strength with 1% of Selenium Sulfide, and my girlfriend doesn't have much of the problem with the mites in her hair so she washes her head with the same shampoo twice a week or as needed. On her eyes and on all the rash she uses the combination of olive oil with few drops of tea tree essential oil which kills demodex mites. So far we did it for couple days and it improved a lot.

    • Posted

      Good to hear you see improvements Bruce.

      Your situation sounds a lot like mine.

      Can you describe in more detail how she uses the olive oil and tea tree oil?

      Does she mix it with water?

      Rub it on the skin with her fingers or use something else?

      Thanks in advance

    • Posted

      Thank you for this! After having looking into this, I'm pretty sure this could be the reason for my symptoms too. My (now ex) boyfriend might have had Rosacea that is often linked with demodex. However, since we're not together anymore, there is no way to prove this wrong or right. Anyway, it's nice to finally know the probable cause for the symptoms.

    • Posted

      We followed the directions on the box of the tea tree essential oil which said to put 12 drops into 1 fl oz (about 30 ml) of olive oil.

      I think olive oil is better than water because it counteracts the drying effect of tea tree oil. You can also purchase tea tree ointment or creme from Amazon which we just got today and it works good too.

      She uses cotton buds to apply it making sure she puts it around her eyes and on her eyelashes but not in the eye. It's not that dangerous to put it in the eye but it has uncomfortable, minty feeling at first.

    • Posted

      Hi,reading some of the posts, I am shocked. 

      I have the exact horrible problem with my girlfriend. She is from Morocco and I'm Canadian. Everytime we meet up, I would have skin rashes/hives superrrrr itchy that got worse over time or on new parts of my body, swollen lips, itchy nightmare. I though at first I was allergic to something in Morocco. Then when she came, I though it was my work environement, cat allergies at home, the washing or drying machine...I though about every damn thing possible...but none of it makes sense. I tryed to co move to a new apartment, buy anti allergen soap and detergent, etc. Anyway, point is when she's away I get better and then as soon as we meet up it flares up again. 

      All that to say, that this mite thing on her hair does make ALOT of sens. Any recent news on the treatment bruce? What about you Anon? 

      This is something that prolly affect a lot of people but boy is it hard to figure it out. And to live with that is absolutely nightmarish. 


    • Posted

      The tea tree oil + clinical strength Head and Shoulders shampoo worked for us and we don't have problems anymore. We saw improvements right away and all the symptomps went away in about couple weeks. 

      We still keep using it but I believe in 1-2 months of treatment the mites should completely go away.

      Before we knew what it was we went to the doctor and they couldn't figure out what it was but they had allergy suspicion, but it's not because none of the allergy medications ever worked. 

      From the symptoms you described I believe you have the same problem that we had.


    • Posted

      is this still working for you? I seem to be having similar issues, but mine seem more severe.

  • Posted

    Hi guys!

    Where did everyone go? No posts and update in 7 months?

    I have the exact same problem with my girlfriend and feel so relieved to read this.

    Did anyone find out anything new?


  • Posted

    I am in tears reading this. I am so allergic to my boyfriend. Thankfully we have the internet to anonymously trade ideas about being allergic to our lovers. I am going to give him some anti-mite shampoo and tea tree oil and see of that helps. I am praying. I love him and don't want to see it that I am allergic to him. My allergies have been terrible since we have been dating. I had gotten them under control for 5 months before I started dating him. He does live in a somewhat moldy house. It's been remediated to where he says it's fine for him but I am severely allergic to his house to where my throat starts to close and my exposed skin hives. Since I refuse to go to his house, we see each other at my house or a public place. I will never go to his house because it smells damp and moldy still, even slightly from the outside. I didn't want to hurt his feelings saying it was gross so instead I asked him to move because it feels haunted. It does feel both haunted and moldy. He won't move. Recently we tried having him at my place for an extended period of time and we also went out of town. We were using an essential oils blend before that helped my allergies, but recently he started having severe allergies and wheezing and said the blend of oils made him really sick even smelling it. Maybe using just tea tree without any other oils will be okay for him plus head and shoulders which is anti-mite anti-fungal. My intuition says he is carrying around something really bad. I'm not sure if it's hauntedness from his mold-damaged house. I considered some kind of candida or aspergillus. Reading this I'm going to try mite shampoo as a last resort. I do feel like bugs are biting me sometimes and it goes away if he is out of town or I don't see him. I bought him clothes to have different clothes over here. I make him put his clothes and shoes outside. He showers immediately before we see each other and immediately when he comes over. I can't take it anymore. It might not be him that I am allergic to but my intuition says it's him, and he is carrying around the hauntedness from his spooky damp house. Some people pick up on the spooky factor and most don't. 2 women I know were like let me do a background a check on him for you and I didn't influence that as I would never say anything negative about it to anyone who knows us. Intuitively I think the spooky factor has to do with that house. My parents adore him. He's smart, successful, and I fell in love with him very hard. In every other way he is my soul mate. I don't think the mite shampoo is going to fix it but it's worth a try if it solved it for 2 others on this page. I love him and he is wanting to get married. I'm so sad that I am allergic to my boyfriend.

    • Posted

      hey did it ever get better for you? I've been struggling with the same thing.

    • Posted

      exact same problem here! what have you been trying?

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