My girlfriend is depressed and it is destroying both of our lives.

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I've been with my girlfriend 16 years and love her more every day. Shes about the only thing I love anymore but she is so depressed that neither of us have the desire to do anything but go to work then come home and sit in separate rooms and any attempt at communication leads to an argument. We work together so that adds to the tension. I used to listen to her talk about how she has nothing good in her life and theres nothing to look forward to and think to myself that shes just angry, but I know shes right. Were around the same age she's 36 I'm 39 and have no kids, we don't go out much other than work and going to get groceries and such so we're around each other alot but it feels like I'm always lonely and it makes me very angry and sad. She never tells me she loves me and when I tell her it feels like she doesn't love me she just says oh here we go pity party or stuff like that. We have sex maybe 3 times a year and its always like shes just going through the motions even when I can physically tell she enjoyed it. She's become cold and distant and I've been the same to everyone I know for at least the last 4 months. I don't know what to do. I feel I dragged her down and she would have a chance to be happy again without me but she has nowhere to go and I'm not sure she wants to be away from me but I'm positive she hasn't wanted to be my girlfriend for quite some many years now. I couldn't live with her if we broke up. We did it for over 6 months when we broke up 8 years ago and she had different boyfriends during that time but we got back together and I think she regrets it now. Seeing her this unhappy makes me regret it. She went to a counselor 3 years ago but it became unaffordable after we got into a car accident that left us unable to work for 4 months so she just stopped going.

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  • Posted

    Unfortunately it just doesn't sound like you've got much of a future together. She doesn't necessarily sound depressed to be honest, just not very happy. Think the only thing you can both do is sit down and have a very honest discussion about your future. If it has to end, then its the best thing if it'll make either of you more happy in the future

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  • Posted

    She may be just unhappy with life not you .you can't really expect excitement and freshness once you get into a routine. You have nothing to tie you to her. No children no marriage. Is she okay with this

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  • Posted

    Do you live in another country, we are in the UK.

    For the UK we would advise your wife and yourself to talk to your family Doctor.

    If it is the marriage is breaking down a Marriage Guidence may help you get to grips with your problem.

    Do you consider marraige, you have been with her many years, Would she want her own family

    Sorry that is all I can suggest

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  • Posted

    Hi Rick,

    Just wondered if there had been any improvement in your situation. It sounds as if you are both suffering from depression and the relationship has grown a bit stale. However, only you will know in your heart whether you would like there to be a future for the two of you together. Communication is obviously key but it sounds a bit strained at the moment. Any chance you could set aside some quality time for yourselves (maybe a date) or perhaps you both need a little break away from one another. That might help put things in perspective and make you appreciate what you most love about one another. Every relationship needs input on both sides and each partner may have different needs that must be met to keep things healthy. Often men and women try to guess what their partner needs but it's so much easier if we are able to communicate this directly and not leave it to guesswork. If this is awkward to talk about out loud then maybe write one another a letter which expresses your feelings. I think the key thing is not to apportion blame to the other - that's only going to add to any hurt feelings. Be kind to one another. Good luck! let us know how you are getting on :-)

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