My girlfriend is fuming because im unable to travel.

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Hi all, This saturday my brother, his wife and my girlfriend and her son are flying to germany to visit my sister for 3 days, I told my g/f about a month ago when the trip was arranged that altho I would love to go i dont feel up to travelling, she asked if I minded if she and her son still went, I said by all means go, I want her to go. Ten minutes ago she asked me, quite abruptly, "well are you going to germany Saturday?" I said no, Im still not up to it, and she tore into me saying "I can take the dogs out, I can pop in pub to watch football, I can go shopping with her, why cant u travel to your sister? Is this what were gonna be like, me working and going away and u not working and doing nothin?" These comments have absolutely destroyed me, they have made me feel suicidal. Feeling unable to travel is bad enough, but to have someone I love almost ridicule me has ruined me, she is actually angry at me cos i cant go, I saw my dr on Tuesday and mentioned the trip and even he said " youre ill, u shouldn't be expected to travel abroad if youre suffering with anxiety/ocd/depression". Ive been on cit 8.5 weeks, 8 on 20mg, half a week on 30mg, i felt benefit at the 4 week mark but nothing for thelast 4 weeks. I feel utterly devastated at what has justhappened... luke

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey mate sorry to hear that happened, does your girlfriend know how bad you feel? To someone who doesn't understand it probably does feel like what she said, i used to get ridiculed from people i loved because i said nothing and they thought it was me just being ridiculous and selfish.

    If she does know how bad you can get then its just hard for some to understand things you just can't do or don't feel up to doing. To some travelling is easy and may sound like you just don't want to go with her, let her know that you just can't do it and mention what your doctor said aswell. I'm sure she just said it because she wants you to go and is dissapointed and thought maybe you would change your mind after she accepted you wouldn't for a start, sadly it doesn't work like that.

    Let me know how you get on mate!

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your replies. I mentioned what the dr said, made no difference, this happened last year as well when I pulled out of her birthday weekend to portugal, so shes knows travelling when im feeling crap is virtually impossible for me. I mentioned that some people have agoraphobia, a form of anxiety, and they cant step out the front door. I know understanding when youre 'fine' is difficult for people...... but like I said its happened before
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    • Posted

      Have you asked to to do some research or even been to your doctor to maybe educate her a bit on how you feel and how impossible doing some things are for you? Im sure she isn't doing it to hurt you, people get mad at me when i don't do things but then say its only because they can't understand why even if i tell them why myself.

      Its a hard one mate, i hope i didn't come off as i condone what she did, trust me i know how destroying it can be when people flip out at you when you can't help it, i have self harmed a number of times because of it and dealing with it at the minute.

      Could just be hard for her seeing you like that, people often react in anger when they don't understand which is the last thing you need. I showed people websites, books and have had people talk to them to explain how i feel and its helped so much but even now they still flip out at me sometimes which puts me back to square one.

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  • Posted

    Oh so sorry to hear this Luke. People who don't have this disease don't understand how painful it can be and it would not be a good thing at all to travel right now for any reason. She is just scared. Put yourself in her shoes, her real frustration is that you aren't well. Period! That's all it is for her. Let her vent a little and don't take it to your heart. Tell her you understand, and let it go as much as possible because it's not about you personally it's about her fears of your illness.

    x

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  • Posted

    That's hard my friend and I can empathise totally.

    Theres a million miles between going to the pub, walking the dogs etc, these are things you do often and within your comfort zone.

    travelling is not within your comfort zone, you simply cannot travel against your GP's advise as you wouldn't be covered by any insurance to say the least.

    Your simply too I'll to travel and it's a shame your GF cannot see that.

    You gave her notice that you would not be going and she accepted that.

    if your girl friend is not normally like this then it may be advisable to let her calm down and then apologise to her for not being able to go with her and it hurts you just as much not to be able to go, walking the dogs, pub, shopping is THERAPY as it helps your recovery whereas travelling to Germany is a step too far and would set you back which is something she would not want. Tell her you are doing your best to get better and would love to be able to arrange a full family holiday once you feel well enough but she has to accept the reality of the situation you are in.

    Let her know that her comments have really hurt you to the core but understand why she has salud it if she is frustrated or hurt because you can't go but when she returns you will make it up in whatever way you can.

    offer to phone her sister and explain that you woukd want nothing more than to go and why you can't go, apologise to her for missing the trip and say perhaps next time you will be fit and well.

    hope your okay soon my friend, it's very difficult and I feel for you totally, keep us posted and don't be afraid to reach out for help from friends.

    Neil 

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  • Posted

    Luke!! I'm gutted that she could be so insensitive. I'm constantly battling with my loved ones all around me because I feel they don't understand it but no one has ever been that blunt. Have you told her how this made you feel? Travelling on a plane to another country is very different to going to the shops down the road.

    Have you been together a long time? Has she been supportive of you in general? x

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  • Posted

    That's harsh that she doesn't understand, it's hard enough to deal with, without loved ones having a go. Of course that would make you feel worse as I've had same from people which makes you feel completely useless and 10 times worse.  Here if you need to talk about it
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  • Posted

    Hi Luke, I just wondered if it was your anxiety that stopped you from flying. I have also suffered with anxiety and depression for a long time. Have you asked your doctor for some diazapam to calm you down so you are able to fly or is there more to it than that.
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  • Posted

    Thanks Holly, Alex, Jean to be honest I dont have a FEAR of flying, its just im in a crap place and the thought of hanging around an airport, then the flight...... in my head im gonna flip, have a breakdown, the 5hing is I SOOO want to go, so yeah my anxiety is stopping me
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  • Posted

    your Dr is right and your sister is wrong so don't feel pressured by her anger.  I hope that you feel better soon.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    sorry I meant girl friend

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Hi Luke, I am sorry but I dont agree with your doctor telling you not to go. I dont think that it is right for your girlfriend to have a go at you.  Can you not see a different doctor and explain to him that you do want to go but your anxiety if stopping you. He may prescribe some short terrm diazapam to help you over the hurdle of waiting in the airport, flying and so on.   You are gong to feel bad wherever you are, Germany or otherwise so why not try and give it a go. Please do see another gp and explain to him.
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    • Posted

      He didnt actually say 'I dont want u to go' he just said its perfectly understandable that im not in the right place or mood to travel abroad as my anxiety is very high at the moment, and i dont want to have to put on an act that im having fun and feeling great.
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