My Girlfriend is struggling

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I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 19, we have been together for just over a year.

Our realtionship is amazing i love her so much and she knows that i do.

I know that she has had problems with anxietyin the past and she has had numerous panic attacks too. I am 100% there for her throughout it all and try to help her in anyway i can. A couple of weeks ago we celebrated one year together with a wonderful trip to the Lake District and everything seemed so perfect but in the past week or so things have taken a turn, she has been getting more and more anxious and paranoid about us, she gets anxious about a handful of things but mainly our realtionship. I'll tell you now that i have never cheated on her and never will, I have never done anything to hurt her and have never done anything to make her think i would. She is becoming more and more paranoid that i will leave her but she knows i wouldnt, she just cant help thinking these things. Once the thought arises in her head is more and more diffcult to unthink it or get rid of the thought. She says she thinks these things when shes bored at work or if shes by herself in the day. I'm trying my best to help her but it doesnt seem like its working, im not giving up on her at all, i just need some help to try and help her control whats happening to her.I myself am feeling down as my brother has just been diagnosed as having Psychosis, depressio, anxiety and paranoia too. Its been a tough week or so and im trying my best to try and help both of them but i need help or adive or tips to try. I dont have the best past myself, things that happened to me as a child happened that are hard to shake off but i feel like i need to be there for them and try to be strong for them, i feel like my thoughts and feelings need to take a bakcseat for theirs.

if anyone can offer any advice or tips, or are experiencing the same sort of thing, please get in touch.

 

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi my name is peter and I have suffer major anxiety and depression over 2 years I am currently 24 years old at the moment I do not suffer it anymore there is no cure for this the cure is inside the people suffering. for your situtation my brother is 3 years older than me he has his girlfriend we live together I myself have no girlfriend so he had to deal with me trying to keep me together and his girlfriend who was bored and was not feeling their relationship anymore due to all that had gone on. 

    I could only say you need to not fall into the same patern as them the difference between you and them is that you have not fallen into the thoughts as hard as they have everything from depression and anxiety or jealousy is a thought that takes form into a emotion that cause fear,sadness or anything of that sort. My advice is helping them be more conscious by having a nice chat with them alone for your girlfriend ask her what can you provide to ensure her you are not cheating also try doing a bit more with her like cooking something fun or just watching funny things online or even hearing good music just spending time hugging not saying much. 

    for your brother you can also ensure that you are there and that he will overcome it tell him my story I wanted to end my life I search and seek for cures nothing help and I thought i was a goner for sure but the more I started to have fun the more and more i got out of it. trust me its hard to overcome thoughts specially when they take emotion form like love or sadness. at this point I am very well aware that life is very beautiful we need to think sure but we don't need to live inside our mind thinking about the future or the past cause that does not exist everything is right now and when thoughts come into mind you can just watch them and smile i can sugest a man name (eckhart tolle) give him a search watch it with a open mind try to not understand everything dont have your phone near you nothing just listen to a video and then you can help your loves ones.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply Pedro, it souds like you have been through a very dark patch, well done for getting through it, it sounds like it was tough.

      ill have a look at that video that you recomended, iv ensured her that i am not cheating and she knows  i wouldnt, iv tried to take my brothers mind of it, we have been bowling and plaing sports, video games and hanging out, its ahd to see my little brother in such  a dark place.

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  • Posted

    Hi Heath,

    Well done for being there for them inspite of your own issues, and youre only 23! Im impressed..

    No sure about your girlfriend's hidden issues but as for myself who has been having panick attacks etc... Forcyears and mow digestive problems on top of it.. It is the feeling of. Not being good enough I think, fear of failure, of being a fraud etc..

    Maybe thats her case too???

    Dont need psychotherapy to understand my issues but going to try CBT, she should as well.. Its apparently excellent! You can getcreferred by your GP.

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    • Posted

      Hi Stephanie,

      thank you i tend to think to mself even though i have had a tough  time there are always people out there less fortunate and who have had a worse time than me. i think your are right, she sas im too good for her and she fears me finding someone else or me not wanting her anymore, which would never hapen i love her with all my heart.

      i have said tha maybe we should find proffesional help but i want to try and help her get through this before we try something down that road.

      i hope you are getting on okay.

      Its hard seeing people you love in such a dark place, i feel like im running ut of optios and feel like im failing them.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Heath, first of all you sound like a very caring person and I'm sure your girlfriend appreciates your understanding of her panic attacks, because as someone speaking from experience, just having someone there that understands you and is patient and calming is half the battle! Sometimes with anxiety you tend to go through 'bad patches' where you feel down and paranoid about everything, try not to let it worry you too much, your girlfriend probably feels overwhelmed at all the emotions she's going through, and its quite normal that after a happy event like your anniversary (congratulations by the way!) you can have a dip in emotions because its like a come down of all the excitement, if that makes sense? Your girlfriend probably just needs some reaasurance, just remind her of how much of a wonderful time you had and maybe suggest that you have a nice day out or cosy night in so that she has something to focus on and look forward to? that will hopefully put the negative thoughts at ease. I'm sure you're doing your absolute best to help, so don't beat yourself up about it. I'm very sorry to hear that about your brother, I hope he gets the support he needs. I know it must be tough for you to watch them go through this but don't forget to look after yourself too, there's a few books that have helped me understand my anxiety so you and your girlfriend might find them useful, I got them from amazon:

    'The little book of mindfulness: 10 minutes a day to less stress and more peace'

    'Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' 

    Also, I don't want to sound patronising saying this but sometimes a good night's sleep, a long walk and healthy food can sometimes help find a bit more balance, so you and your girlfriend could wrap up and get a hot chocolate and go on a nice walk? The beach can be a great place to feel calm. I know it might seem a scary thought too but maybe if your girlfriend is getting progressively worse it may be worth it to try and get professional help, I know it can be tricky but the first step is the hardest but like somebody else said CBT can really change people's way of thinking about their anxiety! 

    For yourself, if you ever feel overwhelmed or stressed, try breathing exercises, as simple as it sounds it makes a huge difference. Look after yourself, and you're doing a great job. I hope your girlfriend and brother have a speedy recovery. 

    Best wishes, Chantelle 

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    • Posted

      Hi Chantelle,

      thank you very much for your reply, writing or typing everthing down has seemed to help me cope with everthing that is going on.

      Today was another hard day, she felt so upset but yet had no reason as to why, after talking abit more the things she was anxious about were very minor things in my eyes but of course to her they must have been huge things, mountainous things! After w have these little chats she seems to calm down, im just worried as in a couple of weeks she is going away fro the weekend miles away from me.

      I hope she will be okay, any tips for when she goes away?

       

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    • Posted

      Hi Heath, 

      Writing is a great way to help you let out all the stress with everything you have going on because it stops you bottling it up. I know how hard it can be when you are able to think logically about things, but to your girlfriend they seem frightening, if she has a lot on her mind, she might find it worth while to keep a little diary of how she is feeling too?

      Talking to eachother definitely helps, if she has problems that you could solve or has too many things to do, that she feels overwhelmed with you could sit down together and try and make a plan of how you're going to elimate some of the problems? sometimes when you break things down into smaller chunks the things you worry about don't seem as huge and daunting.

      As for when your girlfriend goes away in a few weeks, I know it's difficult, but try not to think too far ahead, if she has suffered from anxiety for a while, without knowing it she will have developed her own coping mechanisms, if it helps, beforehand she can visualise the place she is going to, and that she will be calm, and whilst she is there, she can continue visualising being somewhere she feels calm too if she finds herself feeling a bit anxious. Also, if you have a photograph together she could save it on her phone and look at it whenever she needs to be comforted (same for you too) that may help. Of course if there is mobile signal wherever she is going, staying in touch will help, as she will have a familar voice that will comfort her, and she can tell you about how her day has gone, and you will have peace knowing she is ok. Just keep reminding her of how well she is doing being away from you, and it will gradually build her confidence.

       You're both a lot stronger than you realise, so have faith that she will be absolutely fine, and how proud you will both be that you coped with out eachother for a little while. Another thing is that if you are worried and missing each other a lot, distract yourselves as best you can, I know what its like to sit and do nothing but wind myself up of 'what if's' and think up all kinds of scenarios that are unlikely to happen so avoid it by doing things you find relaxing.

      I hope some of this will help you both, let me know how you get on. Take care, Chantelle

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    • Posted

      Hi Chantelle,

      thanks again, we will just have to take it a day at a time i guess.

      Im trying my best to be as positive as i can and ill try and ut into play some of things you have talked about.

      I will keep in touch with you and let you know how things progress.

      thank you once again,it helps alot.

      H

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  • Posted

    If possible both of you should go on a anxiety retreat together. It will educated both of you at the same time. There are techniques to reduce anxiety as well as diets to minimize attacks. Suppliments as wel.. But you ould acquire this knowledge fom an anxiety retreat.
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