My granddaughter has anger issues and wants to come for a visit, what to do?

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My granddaughter, almost 9, has always been very headstrong. 2.5 years ago her mother left my son. Her mother convinced her that my son was out to harm her. He has never hurt her but did pick her up and put her on her bed, etc. and my granddaughter claimed abuse. I was there and saw what happened more than once and it was not abuse. Anyway, my granddaughter has been physically attacking my son (her dad) and her brother. She will be totally good and pleasant and then, just like flipping a switch she is in a full-blown rage. She will tell him he can't do anything about it and she's right as the courts have said no physical punishment and if you put her in a room for time out, she starts to destroy things. She sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist. She is on Prozac, 1 tablet at night but I don't know the dose. It is a little higher than the minimum dose. The Drs say my son is blowing it out of proportion but I've seen it and he's not. She is out of control and getting worse. She has lost her friends at school. Her mother denies this is happening so the Drs think it is my son. Yesterday she got mad at her brother and was choking him to the point my son had to physically remove her. This made her angrier and she grabbed a pen and stabbed my son. We were planning on picking them up next week for a weeks visit at our home. We live 600 miles apart. I am now afraid to bring her. I am afraid for what she may do here but more afraid for the drive home with her dad. Any and all advice appreciated. I'm leaning towards not taking her.  

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  • Posted

    WOW Victoria that's a lot to comprehend when you hear that we are taking about a 9 year old child, I'm obviously not denying that this sort of behaviour exists as I spent many years as a foster mum to some extremely disturbed children but I have to say that the saying nature or nurture for me is very true Andi have to saying always urred on the side of nurture so not sure I'm your best bet for advice.

    You may have to go with your gut instinct.

    I will say that is it imperative that your son is the one to collect her.

    900 miles driving with possibly a fractus child is going to be quite daunting.

    Does your son live with you, couldn't you or another member of the family collect her or maybe the mum could bring her.

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  • Posted

    Victoria

    Talk to Her Health Professionals, it may be She needs a change of medication or Her Anger problems need addressing. It would seem the situation is out of control. This needs to be addressed.

    I would consider if the visit should be cancelled.

    BOB

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  • Posted

    I wouldn't let her come. No one needs violence in their home. By you refusing to let her visit will send a message. She most likely will hold it against you forever and throw it in your face when she is older, but these types of people need to be stopped. 

    If she visits, something will send her off the deep end and she will hurt someone or destroy something precious. I know of a child similar to this and she took a hammer to her family's brand new kitchen counter. 

    If you really do want to see her, find an off-site place to meet. Stay in a hotel. If she starts destroying something there, call Security. Then, promise her you will never take her anywhere ever again!

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  • Posted

    it sounds like a cry for help , on your side and her side  , and some times your dammed if you do and your dammed If you don't ,fist I would do is find out what she likes [i.e. being a girl probably dancing skipping  what tv programs ext. ] then I would plan invite as a gest and explain to her she's a special gest , ] then I would tell the plans you have but there's rules I don't know who much you love her ext. , maybe you don't say it often I don't know , but she's only 9 on medication and has violent turns that's a cry for help in its self . slowly let your son spend little time with her as he can be under the same rules ,put the ball in her court give her a chance but if she don't or cant follow the rules then take away the treats , also let her know that you are there for her sometimes its cruel to be kind  also a lot of talking may help ,[ i.e. there some thing diffract about you know you look more grown up ext. well I hope you do well I will be thinking of you from one grand parent to another.

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  • Posted

    I agree with last comment, its 2 complicated to deal with this sick child and  big trouble for you ....dont do it...,or U can end up having lots of problems and  everyone having issues and  being melodramatic
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  • Posted

    Thanks everyone. She came for a visit, her and her almost 11 yr old brother. The drive was ok. In fact, the first 3 days went well. Then, the evening before her dad was to come and get them, she exploded. She got very angry when my oldest grandson, 15 years, her cousin reprimanded his dog verbally. She came unglued, yelling at him, etc. She asked to call her dad but when he didn't go along with her behavior she called her mother and got the response she wanted. After the phone call she refused to obey me. After 4 hours of her refusal to go to her room and her verbal abusive language, we called the police. As soon as they pulled in the driveway she switched to calm and collected. I am not sure we will take her again. My son is seeking a new counselor. They tell him that she's stressed and because he's the adult, he has to "deal with it". The counselors do not hold her accountable for her actions.

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    • Posted

      That tells me straight away that she is not mentally ill as such because she can turn it on and off to suit whatever she has to be at a given moment, her mother needs to learn to see what's going on and once that happens she will be much better.

      I'm glad that you had a few days of peace and enjoyment to begin with.

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