My health anxiety horror story i won't let it defeat me

New member thought I would share my story i have had anxiety for over a decade now something I knew at the back of my mind was always there but never thought one day it would consume my life fast forward time to the first lockdown things were going ok as usual but rapidly out of the blue I noticed my mental state was on severe decline far to much time spent in the house letting my thoughts become things has had an impact on my life still to this day , I would have random outbursts of feeling emotional then that would kick start a panic attack where I automatically thought I was going to die this lead to severe symptoms as I have never experienced anything like it all I now started to fear death and become obsessed about what if I die im to young this went on for weeks and weeks i could not take anymore and went to see a doctor which suprise they were no help at all just here you go take these tablets which I am also against as om a health freak and have never had a hospital visit (touch wood) in my 32 years of living i wasn't prepared to live like this any longer so visited a private clinic who done a full blood test turns our my hormones were tanked for a male which i was extremely supirsed by as spend most of my time in the gym or playing football so skipping forward a few weeks it turns out I need HRT at 31 years of age so I was over the moon as in my mind I thought this is why I feel this way weeks and months past I felt great the best I'd ever felt in my life then came the second lockdown and we are right back we we started but things got worse one night out of the blue I woke up in a state of terror where I didn't think I was going to die I actually thought this is it time is up , body was numb , shaking , words cant describe the internal feeling I had my partner is a nurse who didn't seem concerned i wanted to phone 999 but she said no half our later I slowly called down but so far that was the worst thing iv ever experienced in my life what caused it I have no idea so I decided to get help from a therapist which has cost me over £2000 so far yet again the first few month were amazing and you just end back where you started i had no idea it was health anxiety till my therapist told me but this is me I suppose I will have this all of my life come and go one thing therapy has taught me is you have to be in control and although you will never be free of it you can manage your symptoms better it doesn't mean they won't happen im now in a cross road i struggle to sleep every night mind races often go into random panic attack always always at night in bed either a dream triggers it or my mind is doing over time but I just lie there and accept what is going on although not pleasant it does pass now life is somewhat back to normal it will be great to see if lockdown was the actual cause of this as iv been stuck in the house on my alone for 3 month straight now I can get back out and enjoying the things I'm doing let's see what impact that has on my mind , appreciate anyone reading this I know its long but trust me Iv cut tons of information off what has happened would love to know if anyone has similar experiences this is my first time sharing info like this 😀

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