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My husband!

Posted , 6 users are following.

jane030757
jane030757

I am beginning to wear myself out. 

My husband suffers with accute anxioty disorder. He lost 1 year off of work though this condition being pushed from piller to post from doctors to physciotrists...

I supported us finacially (not that I mind). He looked terrible. Nothing ever happy came from his mouth. Yes I know he is ill. But it is really pulling me down. He keeps saying once this issue at home is out the way I will feel better. This never comes and goes onto the next worry. 

I have a bubberly nature, but I dread coming home from work. I work with learning disabilities which is a hard mental job in itself.

I would love a holiday, him indoors does not want to go. I am trying to explain I need a bit of restbite. He does not get it. I dont want to go without him either.

I am looking for a way forward but don't know which way to go. Can anyone help me in any direction?

1 like, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • tess33005
    tess33005 jane030757

    Posted

    What a terrible situation for you, Jane.

    Has your husband had any therapy and is he on any anti-anxiety medication?

    Do you still love him or do you want out of the marriage?

    • jane030757
      jane030757 tess33005

      Posted

      I do love him. He is on Peroxatine 40mg and Mitazipan + Zopliclone 7.5mg for sleep
  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 jane030757

    Posted

    Yes severe anxiety will effect everyone. Oh he can not helo this or he would. I know that is not comforting for you but he needs you and your support. IF you feel he is that bad  of shape have you considered or can you afford in patient care for a bit. In a private facility as he will recieve quality care. If you can afford this it can be a win win for both of you. You will get a well needed rest happily knowing they will be be figuring out which meds are best for him and providing him with well needed therapy and care. during that time it will also give you a break and you can go and do stuff to be whole again yourself. Might be a great investment for both of you. Its a horrible existence for all in involved. He would love to feel good. Its is a torturous disorder. My guess is it would take about a month to get him in a better place.  Then maybe you both would have lives you enjoy when he has completed in patient care.  It can be the best investment you can make.

    They have follow up there after if anything start to drift downward as well. 

    I can promise you no one wants this disorder. No one likes it, is comforted by it  or can control it at times. 

     

    • tess33005
      tess33005 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Hi Lisa, I was hoping you'd reply with a brilliant answer and you did!

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 tess33005

      Posted

      You know i know some people really cant afford private care. Depends where you live too.  The usa is better at handling this all from what i have read. But it really is an investment to save a life sort of speak. It really is. Isnt this the most important thing ever..to live to have a life. If a person was having a life threatening condition would you pat them on the head and say sorry i just cant work out any sort of payments to helo you live and walk away? No i hope not. There has to be a way somehow. Some payment plan available something exists. There is something that has to exist to help with this. They have tons of groups, organizations, loans availabke..something has to exist.i wonder how many call and even inquire on the cost and what to do if you cant afford it. At least inquire. 

      Hoe scary is it

      what a sad world we walk through where buisness are so into their profits that they would leave a man to disintegrate over a buck. Disgusting. They need more help then people inside. 

      This disorder when it reaches a certain unmanaged progressive level needs in patient care. It just does. Some really intense anxiety rules form that are beyond illogical and useless but thats from the disorder. So they need in patient help.  

      I guess we all come with a price tag. Our worth in dollars or pounds or whatever form of money used. How scary is that. 

       

    • tess33005
      tess33005 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Health Care is all free in the UK. You can choose to see a doctor privately if you wish. I'm sure you already know this.

      Our Mental Health Hospitals have all got terrible reputations, which is deserved. I was in one for three years............

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 tess33005

      Posted

      Dont they have private ones as well. Do they have private ones or different levels of care. I know its free but doesnt it have different tier levels of care?
    • jane030757
      jane030757 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Many thanks for your reply, its much apprecited...We are not in the position finacially for an inpatient place sad......Our health authority is on special measures for mental health too...I did mention this to our gp about him going as an in patient....they dont listen....

  • emma767
    emma767 jane030757

    Posted

    Jane, I'm totally in the same boat as you. My partner of 10 years has had health anxiety for 20 years on and off. It really does get you down and I, like you, am a bubbley person that likes adventure and hates sitting indoors, but honestly hun, you just need to speak to him and listen to him. Try and advise you do things gradually, even if it's just walking to the shops or going out in the garden to breathe in that lovely fresh air. My partner was really bad at one point he even said I should move on as he was no good for me and that I should find someone else, that did enter my mind sometimes when things were really bad, but I would never leave him, he's my world. I've lost count the amount of friends parties or plans we have had to cancel because he was ill, I even won a competition to meet my favourite band but didn't go because my partner was really bad, it's the best decision I made.  Things will get better, but you need to be there for him. If he's down then do something to cheer him up, make his favourite tea, act daft in front of him or just be there to listen.....that's the best therapy. I've not been through anxiety myself, but been on the otherside is just as bad sometimes. It's hard I know, but things do get better. xxx

  • carleen92
    carleen92 jane030757

    Posted

    Hey Jane how long has your husband suffered from anxiety?

    I suffered from anxiety for 2 years after a really big op I had, I overcame it with loads of help from my husband, I can say that it's not easy for the person with anxiety or there partner.

    Does your husband know what triggers his anxiety?

    Have you ever sat down and had a chat with him?

    Does he go out of the house at all? If he does what does it feel like? I used to hate going out where it was crowded I wouldn't even go to parties or work either.

    These are things my husband started working on with me

    It's not easy hun but have hope, if it weren't for my husband I might have not been sending you this msg smile if you wish to speech privately please do so I will be happy to help x

  • borderriever
    borderriever jane030757

    Posted

    Hello Jane

    Has your husband had any treatment yet ?, Mental Health is a poor relation at this time in the UK and treatments seem to go by the ball at this time.

    You mention something regarding not been settled yet, is this the original problem that caused the health issue in the first place.

    A holiday may do you both good, I would not say go yourself although you need some respite so you need to look for something that will relax you both. For this talk to your GP with your husband and see if a break could be negotiated in some way.

    Life is hard when dealing with something like this and you seem to have the patience of a saint.

    Talk to your GP

    BOB

  • phil76209
    phil76209 jane030757

    Posted

    Hi,

    He needs to realise you're suffering and he's the cause.

    It's harsh but it's true.

    He must allow you a break. He will be ok on his own. Perhaps some alone time might make him deal proactively with his own plight. U not being there may deny his moaning and might actually help himself.

    Phil

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