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For the past few years my husband had COPD, over the past three years I became his 24/7 carer doing everything for him as his condition got worse. I spent so much time looking after him I lost my friends and never went out unless it was with my husband as he didn't like being left on his own and my sons worked away and could not help. We never had a holiday or a week-end break during these three years as he was afraid to go anywhere apart from short journeys to the shops. Over a period of time I started getting bad tempered as I never had a minute to myself, I called him names, told him I wished I had never met him (which I didn't mean) but it really hurt him, he was a great husband and a terrific father but I was so frustrated with having everything to do and never getting a break everything got on top of me, I went to the doctors and they said it was stress and to take time to myself, but I couldn't, if he could not see me he would panic. Yesterday he was admiited to hospital with pneumonia and Carbon dioxide poisoning. Suddenly things took a turn for the worst and he slipped into a deep sleep. Just before he died I told him how much I loved him and what a fantastic father and husband he had been and how sorry I was for not being more patient with him but he didn't hear me and passed away in my arms. I am absolutely beside myself with guilt, he worked hard all his life to give us a great life, even taking jobs he didn't want to do to ensure we had a good living in our retirement and I repay it all with impatience and anger. How I wish I had these last months over again to show him just how much I loved him and I honestly do not think I will ever get over never seeing him again. I am absolutely devastated., my heart is broken and he slipped away not knowing just how much he meant to me. If anyone is reading this, life is too short for petty arguments and you think you have forever together, but you don't. I would think how lovely it would be to have an holiday without him, now I have the chance, I don't want to, I just want my husband back.
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