My husband recently diagnosed with vascular dementia

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My husband of 53 yrs has always been very moody, but for the last 5 years he has also been verbaly aggressive, so much so I had to leave him 6 months ago and live with my daughter. He has however just been diagnosed 4 weeks ago with vascular dementia. I now feel I should go back to him, although he has been coping on his own quite well he promised he would change for the better. But he is still quite aggressive but not as bad as before. My query is could he have had this vascular dementia for the past 5 yrs and is his stubbornNess now due to the dementia. I would go back to him if I thought there was a reason for his bad behaviour, I'm so confused

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  • Posted

    The behaviour you describe is absolutely typical of vascular dementia.

    He may be coping well right now but he will end up needing full nursing care, within 4 - 10 years.

    All the dementias are progressive, none of them are curable and they are all terminal illnesses.

    If you feel you should go back, arm yourself with knowledge and support before you do. Realise that his brain is gradually failing and he is frightenend by what's happening to him. Once you come to an understanding that fear is behind the aggression you will have to learn how to defuse it. He cannot.

    It is a terrible situation for you. Can you find your local alzheimer's support group and go to meetings? They cover all types of dementia.

    Also, read Contented Dementia by Oliver James to equip yourself with the knowledge and skills you are going to need.

    Teepa Snow on you tube is excellent.

    You have my sympathy. Only you can change the situation with your husband - he is no longer able to reason. Agree with whatever he says, even if you know he's wrong. Don't ask direct questions - the demented brain is struggling far too hard to go through the loops it needs to go through to answer even the simplest questions. Even giving him a choice of meals is too difficult. In fact, it's trying to appear 'normal' and answer simple questions which is setting off the anger.

    You have a hard road ahead of you. Do message me if you want, any time.

    Love Tess.

    • Posted

      Tess what a negativity message and inaccurate . Are you a medical professional . He is only 53 . Vascular dementia every patients progression is different . I know some people who with a healthy lifestyle and changes have lived for another 20 years with vascular dementia . Certainly not 4to 10 at such s young age . You should be positive and if your going to be direct/harsh know the facts. I felt so negative reading that comment . 

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