My husband suffers from depression and it's taking over my life as well.

Posted , 4 users are following.

I'm 36 years old I married a wonderful man full of life at the age of 30 (he's the same age as me) after we married my life went down hill he became violent towards me and he became depressed.

He tried to hang himself and he has cut his wrists.

He doesn't know why he feels like this and I have tried everything.

He has a consillor and he is on medication and he has said it was his job that made him so unhappy.

I helped him get a new job and I'm so proud of him he had his first interview in 12 years and he got the job straight away.

He was over weight and he lost 3 stone I thought things would get better but they haven't they just get worse.

I feel like I'm living with a ticking time bomb and I have lost all of my confidence and self esteem all my time is focused on him and his feelings.

Last night I felt like ending it all.

I'm unemployed at the moment and I'm at the age where everyone asks why we have been married so long and had no children. I can't bring children into the world with his illness.

I'm now seen in my family as the childless weirdo and I'm crumbling fast.

I was always so strong before.

The strange thing about it all is I've had an awful upbringing my mother was drug addict and my Dad had PTSD ex military but I have forgiven both of my parents for all the stuff I went through and my husband was an only child and grew up with everything he wanted yet he is so ill.

Can anyone relate I feel so alone and nobody understands why I stand by him but when I said in sickness and on health I ment it.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    You say he's been abusive to you?

    I'm not intentionally trying to be mean or smart but why keep staying with a man that has put his hands on you?

    Do you have children?

    I am 52 years old and believe me hun I've been with a abusive man and they tell you "I'm sorry" but if he was truly sorry it would've never happened in the first place!

    I am the type of woman that would defend myself the past I was a weakling and let men...people in general walk all over me but not now

    You can get better then him and god wouldn't want you hurting and being abused!

    Life is way to short to have to be unhappy and scared of someone

    Does he really appreciate everything you've done for him? getting him that great job?

    I to have felt hopeless and felt like ending things but there is better men out there and it's a good thing you never had kids with that man because

    Sometimes the abuse carries onto the kids where they get abused as well

    I to am unemployed due to being unable to work because of my health

    It's good that you forgave your parents and perhaps you could go stay with your husband that you can do without him...till he is better and more in control of his actions and his life

    Your never alone...God loves you and he will provide for you

    I'm always available when you need a good friend ok

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    • Posted

      He has once or twice pushed me pulled my hair but not recently and I gave back I'm not a victim.

      He shouts and breaks stuff and he will do in the town centre in front of everyone because he knows I care what people think. I know I can do better and I know I can be alone but when I tell him to leave he says he will kill himself. I just need to know I've done my bit I guess so I don't have to live with the guilt.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply I guess everything you have said I already know.

      I'm not religious I believe in science but I appreciate we all have to cope somehow.

      Guess I'll just have to leave him.

      Thanks again x

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    • Posted

      First of all when he says he'll kill himself if you leave he's saying that to keep you with him my guess anyway my ex use to threaten suicide I got tired of the crap so one day the day I left his ass I told him to go for it just to see if he was serious and guess what he didn't do anything my ex is now on his fifth woman...married actually and it's been very peaceful without him

      I don't say this to you being mean I'm just older and apparently wiser because I'd be damned if I ever let another man treat me bad I don't put up with mens crap and have chosen to not ever trust another man...I will not let myself fall in love ever again and I've realized this-

      I don't need a man to make me feel whole...special I have a happy life finely and I have god and of course my wonderful son

      You're in my prayers and so is your husband

      Good luck

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  • Posted

    You are going through a great deal and it is important that you try and find out why your Husband is feeling the way He does. Yes I can understand His last job was causing him problems what I cannot understand is why the Depression is still hanging around that is causing His unreasonable behaviour.

    With regard your problems, sad to say this is causing you so much grief. A great deal of problems can be brought about from when we were youngsters, I remember my childhood and it did not help me with my early, late life. I just started living my life as I retired.

    Because of the disruption within your family life it may be an idea for you both to go together and see your GP. Make a double appointment and a list of the problems you are having. You could also make an appointment with RELATE and you may be able to sort something out with the help of others.

    Good Luck



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  • Posted

    Hi there

    If my wife wrote this it, it would sound the same, even down to me being an only child. This is like copy of our lives!!

    Unfortunately depression can hit anyone regardless of upbringing or bad things happening to you in the past.

    I suffer from Bipolar and we established that I was born with this, which makes it longer to get better. It also means trying different meds until you find the right one. Sounds like your husband may need more meds and more counselling or a hospital stay for some proper treatment.

    There may also be something that's affecting him which he hasn't told you about and is afraid to do so. If either of you want to talk please message me.



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    • Posted


      I'm not as bad as your husband and my wife knows I'm doing something about it and I'm getting there.

      Talk to each other about it let him know how it makes you feel as well.

      I also quit drinking because this was making things worse, I wasn't an alcoholic or a big drinker, but alcohol is a depressant, so if your husband drinks, smokes weed or takes anything else (self medicating) he needs to stop. He need to focus on getting better help him achieve this, you'll find both of you will benefit from this.

      Work was also making me depressed, after 15 years working in one of largest financal corporations I decided to leave and focus on getting better. It's about removing the things that are making you bad.

      Hope some of this helps

      Neil x

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  • Posted

    Hi your wedding vows don't mean you have to stay with a man who is violent or in any way abusive towards you.  You have to put your safety first.   Just because someone has depression you can't excuse violence as this is a separate thing entirely.  Sometimes you can help a loved one best by taking a back seat and maybe even a separation until he is a lot better.  Don't allow yourself to be a punchbag for anyone no matter how much you may love them. 

    That's my advice anyway.  x

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