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My husband won't recognise I'm an alcoholic

Posted , 6 users are following.

alexandra00711
alexandra00711

I have never done forurms and came across this by chance whilst researching why Silencro is making me feel so ill. I am 39 and had severe side affects to it and don't feel I can stick to it right now.  I am considering the next step.  I have seeked help for my alcoholism from professionals but had confusing information (or lack of) and I found this forum brilliant and so comforting and informative.  I drink sparodicaly through the day from about 10am depending on how much responsibility I have during the day from kids and work but aside from reguar tipples I really get going every day after 4pm till I conk out.  I used to drink just wine but over the last 6 months it hasn't been strong enough so now I do gin chasers and I've frightened myself with how much I'm getting through (serious amounts  - bottles  - as well as the wine.)  I am an expert at pretending I'm not drunk, I rarely get angry, I feel alcohol helps me motor through my daily chores and makes life more interesting.  I know this is very wrong and I'm going to make myself very ill if I carry on. I've noticed changes in my body like constant loose bowels every morning and tingling in my hands and feet and bad night sweats.  I know why this is and that I'm damaging myself.  I'm a logical person, but this isn't logical, I have a lot to live for and I should be able to stop......... I have less than 5 sober days a year and thats been going on since I could drink (less my pregnancies where I was dedicated and good although I didn't stop totally.)  The problem is that no one else (apart from professionals) think I have a problem.  My husband would be horrified if I gave up drinking and brings me home unlimited booze.  He refuses to see I'm an alcoholic and says I should just contol my drinking a little more and sometimes when I pour a wine at 10am he does raise his eyebrows.  My friends tell me they love me the way I am and that we all drink the same.  I know we don't.  I find it crazy that I'm dying for people around me to recognise my problem and help me through it and I'm honest that I know I am an alcoholic.  I want to talk about it.  I don't want to end up dead from this.  I'm so grateful to have found you guys and found all the posts brilliant, I feel less alone xx

1 like, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Oh boy..you sound so sad.....and I GET IT.

    Its good and bad that your husband does not see your problem.

    If he saw it...he would be complaining to you and not only would you be falling apart with your drinking....your marriage would be falling apart as well.

    It seems you are loved...so when one of these people that love you say "You are fine"...you need to be firm in that..."No, I don't like how much I drink and I want to cut down or stop altogether"....If they truly love you..they will help you work toward that goal (and you can TELL them that).

    Your bodily symptoms as you know are a sign that your body also wants you to stop.  At 39...I don't think you are at the point to end up dead from this...but since this condition is progressive....you can end up dead from it in the future.

    Actually, at 52...I know intuitively and from professionals...that if I go on another binge..I very likely will die from this.  

    Let go of wanting other people to believe you and start working toward what YOU want to do....many in your circle...may look up to you when you start taking steps to be more peaceful and healthy.

     

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 Misssy2

      Posted

      Thanks Missy, I hadn't seen it like that.  Perhaps I should work with the notion that it would be a whole lot worse if people were on my case because I'd be more inclined to rebel against it rather than just to recognise it myself and set about finding solutions on my own.  I wish you much luck with your journey and thank you for taking the time to reply to my post xx  
  • RHGB
    RHGB alexandra00711

    Posted

    I concur with the advice that Missy has given you. Your body is trying to tell you that it can't cope. You all ready know it, I'm reiterating it in the hope that you won't ignore it. As Missy says, it's progressive, it's a nasty spiral and it only goes in one direction. Again, like Missy, I too end up in hospital because of my drinking, and I don't mean a night in A&E after a binge.

    Other people aren't alcoholics, so they won't understand it, don't be frustrated by it, because it won't help, but recognise that they're not alcoholics and it takes one to know one. There is nothing in your post that people are not nodding, going, yeah I did that, yeah I know those symptoms.

    What you have to understand is that alcohol has now affected your mind and body, physically, chemically and your nueral pathways. It mucks up your central nervous system, which is why your body doesn't feel right without alcohol in it. It has changed your neural pathways, which is why you crave it and start to feel anxious when you don't have it.

    For these reasons it is pretty difficult to deal with, using willpower alone. I saw that Joanna mentioned swapping Selincro (nalmefene) for naltrexone. Which seems to have less reported side effects, although it is more difficult to get on the NHS.

    Personally and this is only my view point, but this is soemthing that you have to deal with yourself. I know that sounds difficult but firends and family will rarely understand and don't wait for them to understand, take charge of it and deal with it yourself. Because every day longer it goes on, means it will be just that bit harder to drag your body back to normailty.

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 RHGB

      Posted

      Thank you RH, your reply really resonated with me.  

      I've been pondering all afternoon on what happens when you end up in A&E after a binge.  Could it be because accidents happen (like the time I fell down the stairs) or because major organs fail?  It's not a question I'm asking you to answer because it's probably very personal.  

      I was very moved by the idea that I can't expect people to understand, that I have to carry on on my own mission.  I am generally a very happy person and I find it hard to understand depression, so why should people automatically understand my problems?  Both illnesses casused by chemical imbalances (arguably alcoholism self inflicted but probably lets not go there) and my heart goes out for people suffering both, which I understand is common.  

      You wrote so compassionately and I'll take your words on board.

      xx

    • RHGB
      RHGB alexandra00711

      Posted

      I will be more than happy to answer your thoughts. Especially about hospitals and people with alcohol problems and my stay. I'll do it in the morning, when I'm not so tired.

      What I would like to say, is thank you ever so much for your kind words. I'm a tough old person and manage to shrug most things off, but today was a difficult one for me, and your words made me smile, thank you.

    • RHGB
      RHGB alexandra00711

      Posted

      Well, you've read what happened to me. My doctor sent me for major organ problems. You'll only get treated if you were sent to hospital like I was. If people turn up at A&E because an ambulance picked them up on Friday night from down because they passed out etc.

      If they're lucky, they'll get kept in overnight and thrown out in the morning. If they are someone with a drink problem, who wants a detox and help, they'll tell them to see their GP.

      But yes, I think it is mainly major organ problems and hospitals have special wards for it. It was the Castle ward at Warwick and ward 20 at Cov. It isn't nice to be in a high dependency ward with other people who look/are really ill. There is only usually a max of four in a ward, but everyone is either totally grey with all the colour drained from their faces or they are a worrying yellow tinge. I could go on, but you get the gist.

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 RHGB

      Posted

      Wow, you've got some story!  

      For years I've tried talking to various GPs but the trouble is that I haven't found a GP who doesn't look down his nose at me and tell me 'just' to cut down and other pointless words.  They tell me stuff I already know and I get angry because they just don't understand and they are so up themselves!  The drugs and alcohol services were even worse.  You said, about alcholics, 'it takes one to know one' so why are all these people who think they know, but don't, working in these positions?It really annoys me.  I've got lots of friends who drink far far too much and none of them would dream of visiting a GP to get help much less the alcohol services on this island where we live.  We would just be humilliated. I am so glad to have found this forum because i've been searching for answers and it's all making more sense.

      I can't believe what you went though, but it sounds like you've done so well against the odds and I'm so happy for you.

      I wonder if we have a ward in our local hospital or if they ship people over to hospitals in the UK who have wards for high dependacy addicts.  It would be really really rough to experience that and see people grey.  Every morning I wake up and scruitinise my skin to see if i'm going yellow and my eyes!  

      I'm going to get a grip and sort it out.  I spoke to Joanna last night and she's brilliant and we've devised a plan.  Thank you so much for all you've shared and I'll keep you posted xx

    • RHGB
      RHGB alexandra00711

      Posted

      I don't think you need an inpatient trip to hospital. I think what Joanna has probably told you is a good plan. If you can get the drinking down, eat healthily and drink plenty of fluids (that are not alcohol), you will find that your body repairs itself.

      It is only when people keep on ignoring the signs (or lack of them in my case) and carry on drinking that it ends up serious. Joanna will give you plenty of support and is very knowleadgeable.

  • nicole36330
    nicole36330 alexandra00711

    Posted

    Your lifestyle sounds very much like mine and although my husband knows I have a problem (as does he) he likes us drinking together.

    I'm 9 years older than you and don't drink as much as you.At my worst I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day.Now it's about 1.5 to 2.

    My friends know I like a drink but don't realise I drink at unsociable hours ect

    You need to cut down for yourself .

    To be honest I can't offer much advice or I wouldn't have a problem myself but this forum is a good place for support

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 nicole36330

      Posted

      Thanks Nicole, i appreciate your reply to my post.  You're right that I need to cut down and not keep spiraling and i'm encouraged that you've manged it to some extent.  That you took the time to reply and your supportive words meant a lot. xx
  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 alexandra00711

    Posted

    There you go alexandra...focus on you not wanting to drink....and yes, be grateful they aren't giving you a hard time..lol.

    Thank you

  • Sober_As
    Sober_As alexandra00711

    Posted

    Hello Alexandra,

    I am so glad that you have recognised your problem.  Many people are in denial... they simply cannot face the truth of it.  Now, your journey back to sobriety begins.  It is not easy.  I am 60, I knew that I had an alcohol problem when I was younger than you.  I did nothing about it for decades.

    I am finding it very difficult now.

    You are doing the right thing by taking responsibility for your recovery.  I wish you well.  If I can be of any help, just ask.

    Alonangel 🎇

    • alexandra00711
      alexandra00711 Sober_As

      Posted

      Thank you for your very kind words.  I'll keep you posted with how I get on.  Wishing you also the very best with every day and hope we have many more good days than bad ones xx

       

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