My journey into Full Remission

This is my story. I will be as direct as possible.

14 years old i was diagnosed with mild depression and GAD. I also had this undiagnosed sleep disorder which made me feel like i was in a horror movie when it got dark out. hard to explain and cannot find anyone else with this strange unknown diagnosis. the darker it got outside, the more terrified and harder it was to sleep.

To my luck the first antidepressant i ever tried (sertraline) fixed this strange unknown sleep disorder. however it did nothing to treat my depression or anxiety.

years go by and my mild depression turned into moderate, then eventually severe depression by 20 years old. Was it situational (exogenous) or biochemical (endogenous) depression? it seems it was more the latter. Why? because it would be sunny out, had a good social life, not too much financial stress, so on and so forth, and i was beyond miserable and dysphoric every single day of my life. I had what was known as double depression. Persistent Depressive Disorder + Chronic MDD. My depression became suicidal.

A well known psychologist explains that usually antidepressants work best when your life is in order, but you are still miserable. A glitch in your social heiarchy in a sense. Not because i have no friends or lost a loved one, or environmental stressors. Because mostly my brian chemistry was off in lament terms. (Another reason why my depression was considered biological was because of my rapid response to acute sleep deprivation. in short. when staying up for more than 18 hours without sleep 40-70% of in-patients develop fast antidepressant effects until they fall asleep again. look up "acute sleep deprivation", yall might be surprised. This phenomenon only occurs in those with biological depression. In other words when staying up all night without sleep, by the morning you get a second wind + temporary remission to depression.)

After trying many ssri' and snri drugs to no avail, my new well regarded psychopharmacologist, finally suggested to try the older drugs. Specifically the tricyclic antidepressant clomipramine. I could talk about this drug for days and why its superior to newer drugs, by having more neuroplasticity, reduces neuro inflammation more, more cell growth, so on and so forth.

with a couple bumps in the road, with some dose changes, different augmentation strategies, and finally my new cpap machine for my sleep apnea, my life has changed 180 degrees. i have been in full remission from my depression and sleep disorder for 3 years. Sleep like a baby, wake up full of energy, joyful everyday of my damn life.

A pill saved my life... those who get no remission from the newer drugs should highly consider maoi and tca antidepressants with their doctors when appropriate.

My life has never been so joyful and productive. keep striving for your own journey into full remission. Im here to answer any questions to the best of my ability.. 😃

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