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My journey to freedom from alcohol

Posted , 5 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Hello,

So I am an alcoholic and want to stop drinking. A few weeks ago I came to the realisation that I had to stop as this just wasn't sustainable. The physical and mental toll is starting to show.

At that point I was on around 16-20 units of whiskey an evening, every evening for around 4 years. I began my taper and the first couple of weeks went well as I made my way down to 8 units. Then the problem began - every Friday evening I end up back on 14-18 units and this carries on until Monday when I get back to the taper. So my taper has more or less stalled as I have become stuck in this cycle. I stay between 10-14 units so am doing well compared to my start but I'm back at still being an alcoholic. 

This last weekend I was away for a long weekend and ended up at 16 units a day throughout and realised I had lost control again.

So here I am about to begin again. Yesterday was a drop to 10 units and my plan now is:

Today: 10 units

Tomorrow: 8 units

Friday: 8 units

Saturday: 6 units

Sunday: 6 units

Following week - reduction down by 0.5-1 unit average

I'm hoping that my previous experience will help a bit this time and also that posting my experiences through this journey here will help me stay on track.

2 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • Joanna-SMUKLtd
    Joanna-SMUKLtd Guest

    Posted

    Good luck, Steve, and welcome!

    Was there a specific reason that your taper stalled first time around?  Maybe a family crisis, work crisis or just boredom, for example?

    It's really important to look at what triggers you, because then you can come to anticipate what trigger may throw you off kilter, and more importantly, take steps to deal with any potential triggering situations before they actually happen.  It's all about learning about yourself, not just reducing your consumption.  Many with drink issues can manage to taper or stay away from alcohol for a while, but staying away from it can prove to be a difficult thing to do.

    And do remember that if you struggle to maintain a taper, or stay away from alcohol once you have tapered, then there are other options available to help you with that, too, should you need them.  Alcohol changes the brain and it may be that you might need a non-addictive medication such as campral to help you re-wire your brain back and help you to maintain sobriety once you have achieved it, or perhaps something like naltrexone or nalmefene to help you taper if you struggle with that part of it.  All these medications are non-addictive and there is no shame in asking for them, should you need them.

    Look forward to you posting your journey in future biggrin

    • Guest
      Guest Joanna-SMUKLtd

      Posted

      Thank you, Joanna.

      When I began the taper it was a bit of a rollercoaster. I had read many hours worth of posts here, read advice and made a schedule but it didn't prepare me for a lot of what came. Drinking was almost a non issue to begin with because I was tapering down from a high level so was happy that I was reducing but that was easy as 16 units is still a lot as are 14 units and 12. Mentally, I struggled to understand what an evening without drink was going to be - I literally did not know what I would do. Then there was whole element of change and all the questions that kept on popping up in my mind. 

      I had worked my way down and was only down to a very lose buzz. Things were going great at this point but then it caught up with me. One day I was buying my scheduled taper intake for the evening and as I got to the checkout there was 35cl (14 units worth) of Jameson on special offer. I only mention the special offer bit as that is how I convinced myself to buy it. That evening I felt 'alive' again. I had been so uptight for so long and then all of a sudden I did my usual routine of knocking back 3 drinks quickly to get my buzz going and then slowing down to maintain it and as the cumulative affect takes hold I was drunk again. 

      That evening I felt normal. I was talking, laughing and at ease. It was like I was back to being me. Then morning came and I was full of shame and upset. I carried on with the taper and it worked again but a couple of relapses in exactly the same way. Then last Friday it was more of just not being able to control the situation while away and then from there just a spiral. 

      So I've been contemplating where I am with this whole thing and for the first time, while I do still feel shame, it didn't feel like failure but more that my experience was a first step and that I would like to try again as my objective is the same and I want to be out of this now. 

    • Joanna-SMUKLtd
      Joanna-SMUKLtd Guest

      Posted

      It really sounds like you are on the right track, and you already helping you learn what might potentially trip you up.....   You are correct, it isn't a failure, it's a learning experience.

      A way to help avoid this type of special offer trigger (I'm a sucker for a special offer too!) might be to try and limit the amount of money you take to the shop with you, so you don't get swayed by impulse buys.  Take just enough to allow for what you need to buy.  This will help give you the vital few minutes in the sense of you would have to go home to get the money to buy the special offer, and by then you would probably be happy with what you have bought and not go back.

      The key is to find what works for YOU.  I can write above a suggestion to avoid that type of trigger, but what will work best is for you to consider what will work best for YOU (if that makes sense).  It's your journey and as long as you are actively moving forwards, that is what will lead to more realisations and more success.

    • Guest
      Guest Joanna-SMUKLtd

      Posted

      Thanks for the advice.

      One of the biggest pains in tapering is the actual logistics of it. I can only have the exact units I need in the house so I will have to buy it on the way home which is a pain in itself. And then there is all the various permutations on top of that - whiskey can be bought in 5ml (2 units per 5ml) but the more larger the bottle I buy the cheaper. As an example 6 units (5ml + 10ml) would cost more than a bottle of 20ml so I will unfortunately always have more cash on me than I need because the more units I buy the cheaper it is. All I can do is have self control.

  • alex01280
    alex01280 Guest

    Posted

    I used to smoke 40 Capstan unfiltered cigarettes every day and then one day I thought to myself "This is insane" and never smoked again.

    That was about 20 years ago.

    I've often thought that my alcohol consumption was insane but I could never quit the booze with the same ease that I quit the fags.

    Now, I know that everybody is different but my experiences make me feel like alcohol is similar to the monster in Alien. It wraps itself around your face and won't let go. It is a very different sort of drug compared to the other types.

    So, with this in mind, if you can taper on your own then good luck to you, but I feel that alcohol is SO clever that you'll probably need some other help to get the units down. You'll get there.

    • Guest
      Guest alex01280

      Posted

      I hear you. Have to have a sense of humour to do a taper because I am intoxicating myself to detox and then relying on the intoxicated me (which is a different version of me once the whiskey hits) to help me through a decision making to do less of what I am addicted to.

      I guess I am relying heavily on fixing what makes me this way as much as being addicted which is going to be tough

    • alex01280
      alex01280 Guest

      Posted

      Addiction is a strange thing.

      I've been addicted to cigs, booze, porn, gambling etc and yet I've never been addicted to exercise or eating kale.

      Dr Sinclair did some great work but I hope somebody comes along and explains why some chemicals in the brain are addicted to all the bad things in life and not the good things,

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Well I survived yesterday evening. Stuck to the 10 units on whiskey and did have cravings but did not really have a huge inclination to act on them.

    One of the big issues for me is that alcohol has become my whole life outside of work and family. I don't know what else to do than sit there and drink. But I'm trying to go back to regular stuff like watching tv etc and te World Cup is really helping. Not that I'm a huge football fan but it has been interesting so far and it's easy to as I can leave it on but not have to concentrate on it 100%

    One issue with the taper is whiskey. The alcohol content is very concentrated which means the buzz arrives too quick. Thinking of doing my taper tonight on beer as it's diluted and I don't really like the stuff anyway.

    • alex01280
      alex01280 Guest

      Posted

      Some blindingly obvious tips I learned where:

      1) Drink alcohol you don't really enjoy. For example, Fosters.

      2) Don't keep the drink close at hand. Make it so that you have to always go into another room to get the drink.

      Having to get up to get a drink of s**t lager should help you taper off quite quickly.

    • Thomas1234
      Thomas1234 Guest

      Posted

      If you are not a beer fan, do you like anything apart from the 'hard stuff'? I keep off spirits period. Trying to taper when you are throwing back shots of whisky sounds like an impossible path. How are you with wine? And do you eat when you drink? I find food slows me down. So if I'm drinking wine and eating, that is a brake. But I couldn't do that on whisky.

    • Guest
      Guest alex01280

      Posted

      Thanks for the tips.

      Fosters was actually what I was going for today as it is a horrible drink. On the plus side, drinking it slowly enough should hopefully keep the buzz down to a minimum.

    • Guest
      Guest Thomas1234

      Posted

      I am ok with red wine but hate white. White wine i find horrible. 

      I don't eat while I drink in the past as it's been whiskey but thanks for the tip as wine and beer should go ok with food. I. basically need to drink as slowly as possible so that the buzz stays to a minimum.

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Guest

      Posted

      Hi Steve, you have probably read some of my past posts on tapering.  I am still down from 20 units of red to 2 Monday to Saturday (Sunday is still a bottle tho to give me at least one night  of zzzzzzs).  I keep my glass out of range and eye level, when it is in front of you it is too tempting.  I also keep a small bar of 85% dark chocolate in the fridge and have a couple of squares, the wine tastes disgusting after it.  I then go for a glass of milk.

      One day maybe I will have nil units per week, but I am not holding my breath.

      Get that choccy in and take care.

      Gwen

    • Guest
      Guest gwen45436

      Posted

      Yes, I have read your posts about your drinking and they have been inspirational. I could never what you are doing. I'd be lucky to get this taper done at all let alone have to live with the self control required to keep this up on a daily basis. Hope all is going well for you.

      I managed to stick to the script yesterday which was good because Friday's and Saturday'sare where my taper keeps stalling over the last few weeks. I had already made the decision yesterday that I would stick at 8 today because I thought I was going too fast. Yesterday was fine but today I'm struggling. Part of me wants to get the taper over and done with but another part of me just wants to buy a bottle of whiskey or Jack Daniels and just go for it. Today is probably my first big challenge if the week as I have been managing so far and going to have to find a way not to fall off the taper

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Sorry couldn't manage it. Failed miserably but did learn some lessons so will be back for help. 

    • Guest
      Guest

      Posted

      I just don't understand how I'm supposed to get out of this. I did everything like I was supposed to but still........

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