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My late thus birthday tomorrow

Posted , 6 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

Hi folks

Haven't been on here for a while been trying to cope with medication, bereavement councillor and cpn. It's my late husband birthday tomorrow I've been in a state all day I've been thinking of going to where his ashes are spread and ending it all I keep thinking of my grandchildren to try and take this away so I turned to alcohol which isn't good. I've been thinking of ringing the Samaritans try and talk this through doesn't help tomorrow.....

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Bloody productive text, late husband I'm not that drunk. Sorry to him x
    • amy75782
      amy75782 tina89895

      Posted

      I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, tomorrow won't be easy. If you have grandchildren try to think of them I'm sure your husband would want you to be strong. Take care x
    • amy75782
      amy75782 tina89895

      Posted

      Try the Samaritans if you think it might help, it wouldn't do any harm. Spend the day with your family and try to remember the good times. I'm sorry I have no experience in this but don't like to think of anybody being on their own without any help.
  • katecogs
    katecogs tina89895

    Posted

    Hi Tina

    First anniversaries are always difficult, and no doubt his birthday will be an emotional time. Why not have a family day tomorrow - visit his ashes, lay some flowers, go have dinner and a drink to celebrate his life?  I do this with my sisters on my parents birthdays and their days of passing, treating it as a special day.

    Its not easy I know, and more so when you're suffering with depression.  Can you speak to anyone tonight?  Friend, family ........ yes do call the Samaritans, they're there to listen.

    Having a drink is fine, we all do it, but just be careful how much ;-)

    Please speak to someone xxx

    • tina89895
      tina89895 katecogs

      Posted

      Thanks for your replies the grandchildren are only 5and 4 i find it very difficult I have a strained relationship with my daughter in law and my son is a dj working till early hours. I was planning to go out first thing in the morning. I will just have to wait and see
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Is this really my life or is it someone else's, who ever it is it's s... good night x
    • katecogs
      katecogs tina89895

      Posted

      Goodnight Tina ... sleep well and hope tomorrow is a good day for you xx
    • tina89895
      tina89895 katecogs

      Posted

      Thanks been talking to the Samaritans still not that great cut myself too of to bed see what happens tomorrow thanks for your support. X
    • katecogs
      katecogs tina89895

      Posted

      Glad you talked to the Samaritans xx

      My son cut himself a few times in the depths of his depression and anxiety, and also found himself in more dire circumstances too in which I had to involve the police.  It upset him and also myself and the family, but he'll always be my little boy whom I love, whatever happens.  He didn't want to hurt himself or anyone, but I understand this is a symptom of anxiety and he just wanted it to stop.  The pain it caused all round was tremendous, and today I still think about it.  We talked loads, he got treatment from the hospital, councilling etc and he's now on the mend.  Though he doesn't venture out much, I hear him laughing, he has hobbies which he enjoys, and we're still taking each day and week as it comes.

      When in the grip of anxiety people do find cutting a way of releasing tension, but the best way to release it is by exercising on the spot, dancing, anything that raises the heart rate.  It really does help.

      Depression is a vile illness and it's not fussy who it chooses as it's victims ... but this illness is treatable, it can be overcome, it does get better.

      Please don't cut yourself anymore - you're too precious and loved by many.

      I've lost 7 close members of my family in recent years, one only my age.  Our family unit has changed, the key people gone ..... and though the deep sadness has passed and there's a big void left, we continue to celebrate them on their birthdays and their 'special days' of their passings

      Today is a special day for you and your family, and hope you go visit your husbands special place and you also have fun visiting your grandchildren.  He'll be watching over you all xxx

      Take care

      K xx

  • David_21660
    David_21660 tina89895

    Posted

    Oh! Tina,

    We all wish we could make it better for you, but we can't. We are here for you though, remember that, please!

    If you do go visit the spot today, please don't drive, get a friend or a taxi to  get you there and back. Having a special place to visit means it will always be there, just remember the best place to keep loved ones is in the heart, that means they are always with you forever, whatever!

    We pray you will have the strength today to see through the haze and get to tomorrow. It doesn't matter how you get there, get there if you can! We'll be waiting you, your Forum Family!

    Peace,                       Love                      &                      Blessings,

    David & Ann X

  • OglopKing
    OglopKing tina89895

    Posted

    Hey, Tina.

    First of all it's nice to meet you, though I wish it were under different circumstances. I'm very sorry for your loss a year ago, and I'm sure it has been so very hard on you and your family.

    Depression is an insidious pest. If we're on this board it's because all of us, or someone close to us has been affected by it. It's just something we need to accept, and fight against using all of the weapons at our disposal.

    Family. Friends. Health services. Community. They're all equally important to my battle with it and I hope you have people you can talk with.

    I think that you should honor your late husband by remembering him, and remembering that he wouldn't want you to feel this way. That he'd do his best to make you feel whole again, and I don't know your beliefs but I imagine he's watching over you. You say you cut yourself, but the pain you feel from that is not going to be a proxy for the pain your soul feels. The pain is temporary and it can feel good to have an anchor to point to in order to explain the emotional pain you feel. In the end it's a lie, and the pain inside does not subside, it just digs in deeper and the cuts become more frequent as your pain threshold increases.

    Don't cut yourself anymore. Please. Use this community, or reach out to someone here that you feel comfort from talking with and arrange a call on the phone or skype. We've all been down the path of hopelessness or loss, and none of us want to see you hurt.

    Life is for the living, and you're very much alive. The days are hard, sure, but with help and friendship and the belief that you'll get better the clouds will slowly, but surely, disappear as fast as they've come.

    Take care today, and get well soon.

  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    thank you to everyone. Just on my way out I have put the grandchildren Easter eggs in the car as a reminder to deliver them on my return. Every one have a relaxing day. X
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Thank you all so much for your support. I have survived today it was lovely lying in the sunshine listening to the birds and fish jumping by the wonderful quiet loch we had chosen to be. Mirrored reflections of the mountains and snow. Trouble is it has to end and I had to come home, back to reality. Feel just as worse as last night now, not suicidal but so so sad, miserable just wanting to stop feeling like this. I just hope all this councilling, cpn support and medication will work soon, its been nearly 9 months, it feel like a life time but gone so quick if that makes sense. 

    Thanks you again everyone xx

    • katecogs
      katecogs tina89895

      Posted

      The first year of grief is the worse - I cried every day for a whole year when I list my beloved parents (they passed within weeks of each other).  Now it's been 6 years and I can't quite believe it - like you it seems only a short time, yet a life time ago.

      It sounds beautiful by the loch with the mountains and snow reflected in the water - I'd have done the same, laid down and listened to the wildlife and watched the sky.

      Its true that time is a great healer ..... but we never lose them from our hearts.

      K xx

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