My LDR boyfriend and I are on break...is it the right thing?
Posted , 2 users are following.
My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 4 years (3 years of friendship) and the last year has been romantic. To add to the stress of any relationship, we are long distance. He recently confided in me that he is suffering from depression. I tried my best to be there for him but it seemed like he was asking for space but could not bring himself to ask for it. For unknown reasons, he expressed that he feels immense guilt when it comes to me. I asked if there was anything I did to make him feel that way but he said "no you're perfect and you've been perfect...it's me".
That was 2 months ago. I felt he needed it and couldn't ask for it so I initiated a break but we both don't know the terms of the break. So many people have been saying that it's really important that I establish the terms of the break but when I try to establish it, I just get a lot of "I don't know" answers and he starts to push away. The answers I do have...
Are we both working towards being together? I'm working on figuring out what's wrong with me.
Do you want to just end things? No.
Is this level of space working for you? I think so.
Do you love me? Yes.
Do you still care about me? Yes.
Do you still see a future with me? Possibly.
Do you want to see me/meet face to face in the future? Yes.
I feel horrible for initiating the break and I so wish I could be there and see him but he keeps saying that he just can't do that right now. He's not ready to see me. He also expressed before that it was hard for him when I would visit. After I left, he would go in to a "funk" for days because he was sad that I left. Talking to me eventually became a constant reminder that I wasn't there so that became hard for him as well.
He's dealing with a multitude of other problems that he did confide in me about which I'm not comfortable sharing for his privacy. He's also thankfully working with a therapist on a weekly basis.
We've been talking every couple of weeks just about normal life and catching up on friends and such but I try to keep it light and not serious.
My question to the community (professionally and those suffering from depression) are these good signs? Am I doing the right thing? I'm giving him space but still sticking around (and he knows this) - is this the right thing to do?
Any and all insight would be wonderful and encouraging. If you have questions, please ask away.
1 like, 2 replies
hypercat HTHK6817
Posted
The problem really is it can be very difficult to share your life with a depressed person as this type of thing could happen again and again. Do you feel strong enough to cope and be in it for the long term? How about in the future if you have children?
Concentrate on what you want and need too as depression can make you very selfish. x
HTHK6817 hypercat
Posted
Hi Hypercat,
Thank you for your support. I've been doing a lot of research and reading on other's experiences to help me through this time. Knowing that there are so many out there suffering from mental illness but also those in similar situations as me saddens me but also gives me comfort in knowing that he's not alone and I'm not alone.
He is making efforts to better himself and I am so grateful for that. I only hope that he regains a sense of himself and is able to conquer this. I also know that he needs to do this on his own and I can't "fix" him.
I don't fully know how hard it will be to share a life with a depressed person but I also know that I love this man and that this is not him and who he is as a person - this is just a part of him and I accept that. I do feel strong enough to endure this because I love him and he is my best friend. I realize nobody is perfect by any means and I have my own faults, issues, and insecurities that cripple me and he has been strong through all of it.
Were you in a relationship with someone suffering depression as well?