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Hello everyone. I am in a LDR with a girl i met online. Today is our 7th month together. I live in Europe and she is living in the US. A month ago after she was acting a bit weird (being absent) we had a talk and she told me that she had depression. She told me that it is a complication that can be caused by lupus and it might get triggered about some real life events.
She was afraid that i might get scared of the situation but truth is that this made me love her even more. After she told me about it all i ever did was to be supportive to her and let her know that this isn't something that will make me see her less or scare me away. That i will be right by her side no matter what. Since that talk she became more and more distant at a point where she was ignoring my calls and messages for 3 weeks. I was worrying a lot during that period cause i didn't knew how she was. I started reading articles on the internet about depression and how it can affect people, i saw that it's common for people to be isolating themselves from people close to them. She told me that she had to pretend to her friends and family but when she was alone she felt empty.
After these 3 weeks she decided to show up and talk to me. I didn't wanna address the issue cause i wanted our first talk after all that time to be happy and not make her think of her depression. She told me that she is focusing as much as she can to her work cause working keeps her distracted. 4 days later we talked again and i told her how i feel about her, how much i loved her and how important she is to me. In the past she had been hurt from previous relationships and she had a hard time trusting people. I wanted to make sure she knew that i wouldn't do anything to hurt her cause she is precious to me. She admitted that she knew how much i love her. During our talk she just stormed out of the call and i haven't heard of her ever since. It's been 5 days since that talk and she started to completely ignore me again. Reading but not answering my messages or my attempts to talk with her. Good thing is that i see her online on social media or even playing games from time to time which means she is active but i don't know why she is pushing me away like that. I keep sending her messages telling her about my day, that i think of her and that i miss her a lot with the hope that this will help her and make her understand that i will be here for her when she needs me. All this time i try to be strong and suppress my feelings and ego. But i see that all this is affecting me aswell. That the reason she is ignoring me mean that she doesn't wanna be with me anymore. I find myself losing sleep, overthinking, eating less and even start smoking again after i quited 2 years ago. If she could open herself and tell me what she feels and what she needs i would understand but she has a hard time expressing her feelings. The fact that i don't know what is going on drives me crazy. I decided to share my story with you in case someone has been in a similar situation and has any advice of how i should handle things. Any advice or thought will be appreciated.
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