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I really feel for you... I've been addicted to Zops for about 10-11 years now.
After about a year the effects reversed, not only did they ease off the pain of my CFS/Fibro/Osteopaenia/Osteoarthritis - they gave me energy.
It felt like a miracle to me, and I began taking them earlier & earlier in the day, until I was taking them as soon as I woke up.
I hid it from everyone except my then boyfriend & a couple of close friends. I knew I had a problem but I didn't care because after years of pain & having no real life, I could function, I could have a shower, cut my grass, lift a kettle to make a cuppa, when I was naseous it literally stopped me being sick - the muscle relaxant & painkilling effect was phenomenal.
Over the years though, I took more & more each day, some days 30... I knew it was a problem, but was too scared to tell my doctor because I didn't want to lose the Zops, I didn't want to go back to barely being able to move, to be in pain & sick all the time.
I had a really REALLY bad car crash, that didn't stop me. I ended up on life support in ICU for 5 hours, that didn't stop me. I kept blacking out & doing things that I had no knowledge of unless someone told, that didn't stop me. It increased my tolerance to drugs & alcohol because if I was too mashed, they straightened me up, then I did more drugs - I overdosed on Ecstacy, that didn't stop me.
So I know how hard it is to stop, how easy it is to get them into your body & how much of a relief it feels when they kick in & your body relaxes from head to toe, how quickly they kick in, how hideous it feels when you don't have them & the withdrawals kick in.
When I did confess to my doctor a few weeks after my car crash, she was shocked & said she'd actually thought I'd been doing speed. Then cut me off, with no offer of help reducing, nothing.
I did go to an addiction help centre, but they were stumped because they'd not come across anyone like me, that used them for energy & to function.
I was literally just told I should stop, with no suggestions of how to deal with the withdrawals. They refused to even let me talk to their resident doctor because they said there's no conversion chart for Zopiclone...
I have to confess, the only reason I stopped was because the company I'd been buying from for about 6-7 years seemed to disappear. The website was/is still up, they just took a payment & my goods didn't arrive, no reply to my many, many emails.
It's been pure hell, I'm not going to lie to you - but it can be done. I've now been clean for 189 days. Yes, the choice was taken out of my hands but it's still an achievement. I do still crave them though, the withdrawals are still ongoing as unfortunately with Zopiclone, the withdrawals can last for years... And I long to be able to do "Normal" things again.
But. I don't black out any more, I don't get into really dangerous situations, I'm not spending most of my money on them, I'm not injuring myself when my breathing slows down so much that I pass out, I'm not risking ingesting god only knows what other poison that the unscrupulous manufacturers are cutting them with.
And if you mix them with alcohol, you might as well put a bullet in a gun & play russian roulette with it, because Zopiclone are respiratory inhibitors & booze massively enhances that effect... That's why I ended up on life support, because my breathing slowed down, then stopped altogether. Luckily I was in a friends house, because if I'd been alone - I would have died.
I'm not trying to scare you, and I doubt it would work anyway - it didn't for me. As soon as I got out of the hospital after 3 days, the first thing I did when I got home was take a handful of Zops. That's how strongly they took hold of me.
I totally identify with your "I Come Alive" comment... I had the same effect, I got stuff done. Like I said earlier, my doctor actually thought I was on speed!!
I've never met anyone else who got the same effect, on another forum I was even called a liar & attention seeker because they said there was no way I could take so many & still function. I want you to know I understand, and I BELIEVE YOU.
You must, must not be afraid to ask for help ok?
If your doctor won't help you, or just cuts you off - go to another doctor. You are no less valid than someone who's on Heroin/Crack or any other hard drug, just because your situation seems unusual to others and/or they don't understand it doesn't mean it doesn't exist & you deserve the help you desperately need to get off this evil, evil drug & live a free life!!!
And you do need help my lovely, you really do... I can't claim credit for quitting really, because the choice was made for me - but it can be done with the right support.
I am absolutely on your side, and I know how hard it is to stop. But you either stop, or you will die I'm afraid. Sorry to be so blunt.
My thoughts are with you. You CAN get your life back. xxx
(By the way, when my GP prescribed these for over a year, she did not mention at all how addictive they can be.)
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