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Thanks in advance for anynody that decideds to reach out, really feeling like any help on this would be amazing right now.
So this is my story...
I've been taking valium for about 4 years, I only used it very now and again when I was working in Asia as the jet lag always kicked me and my job there was flying around a lot. So I used it for a few months here and there to help with that. When ever I came back to UK I never continued or thought I had a problem.
Fast forward a few years and the usage slowly increased to using back in the UK, ordering online and taking most weekends when I partied to sleep. I felt at this time inwasnt getting a slight hooked feeling but still wasnt worried.
I then had a really bad period of insomnia cause by life/work problems (I think) and the doctor got me on a course of zopiclone. I was using that solid for 2 month plus a few valium and couple of xanex mixed in. I was away again for this period under high stress
So I've arrived back in the UK now and i just stopped taking everything.
That's when things started to hit me, it must just be massive withdraw but I didn't realise so had the doctor checking me everything from heart failure to being burnt out (which I thought was possible due to the work load and lack of good sleep for 2 months)
Anyway it's becoming obvious it's not that and the reality is I've got a massive withdraw from benzos. Took me a very long time to figure it out weirdly. But just typing this here right now it's seems so obvious?! Amazing how much I've been in denial about this, I feel so stupid now.
Anyway so ive been to the doctor who let's face it was nice but didn't have a clue how to deal with this. He sent me to a head clinic so I basically explained I was on the verge of a breakdown (I didn't know I was hooked at this time) and they said they thought I needed to get clean so have sent me to a drug rehab centre who have a massive waiting list and haven't called me back.
So here I am, the symtoms are everything you can't think of but the main one is I've zero energy and my head is super fuzzy. Also can lose my temper very fast and I've not wanted to leave my bedroom. I use to do crossfit 3 times a week and now I can't do one push up or talk to friends. I've also started sleep walking and making lots of night terrors.
I've had to pack in my job as I can't face it like this.
I have to travel and perform in 2 days at a few shows (I'm also a musician) and I have no idea how I'm going to do that right now feeling like I do.
What I guess I'm looking for is for somebody to explain what I should do now? When you feel this bad it's hard to make any sort of plan and I don't seem to be able to get any professional help at all.
So my thoughts.
Do I take loads more till I feel fine then taper off? I don't know what my dose is as I never took on a regular bases. It was so random it's hard to tell but maybe 10/20mg very 2 weeks. But then I could take loads more over a weekend then nothing for a month.
The doctor won't give me more than 21 2mg tablets and he said that's your lot. I can get them easy enough online but I'd rather it went through them tbh, it seems they just do t get it or want to help you deal with the after effects.
Also when I take it now it makes me feel horrible, no warm glow feeling like before. Gives me terrible heart palpertations and I just feel bad.
The only person I really talk to about this is my mum and I'm sure I'm going to put her into an early grave if I don't get a grip soon...im 35 for flip sake!
What would you guys suggest is a good move from here?
Thanks for your time!
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