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My entire life is a mess. Everything i have done ,have absolutely failed . I am 28 years old and i am doing a job that i dont like and i am not good at it. I have been only once with a woman. I didnt studied what i wanted to study. When i was younger, i didnt party or having great time instead i was playing video games. I lost all my money. I tried to immigrate to 2 countries and i went back.
Right now,i am on the edge of quiting my job and never work in something so stressful as this. My collegues will start mocking me. I will be the second worse cook in the restaurant and it will be a matter of time before my superiors start yelling and screaming at me. Seriously, i am slow and clumsy and distracted and everything that a cook cant' be. The only reason that i started this was to get out of my country.
What i hate the most is that the women absolutely ignore me. Yes. I tried everything. Joining social groups, start dancing, socializing, doing a job. There wasnt a single girl that i like who showed an sort of attraction or interested. I am the personality that makes the women go away. Too gay or too soft or i dont know. The only girl that i have been kicked me away like a dog when she found the chance of leaving this country and she wasnt even pretty. and that was last year. I remember that i stopped thinking of those things and socializing but the years have past and i am the same 16 year old lonely boy with chlidish dreams and fantasies. Life is tough for idiots.Also, i remember that i tried to trick myself that i dont desire women affection and this didnt work on women. Because i dont like driving and i dont have a sense of humor and i dont have money.
I never had money but last year that i worked. Since then my parents had been giving me money. And they started today also because i lost all my money to air tickets. i went to another country and i went back. I lost all my money to those trips.
After 10 years i will be the same old looser with the same fantasies and stupid dreams with the difference that i will look older.I even started to draw pentagrams on the sand and trying to invoke Satan .saying some soft of prayer. Yea it didnt work. No creature with hooves and horns came to visit me in the middle of the night in some beach.
i cant love myself because i am my own worst enemy and i dont forgive my enemies. It makes my life so diffucult.So diffucult.
People who see this will laugh because they dont understand. They start comparisons for example there are so many deceases and suffering in this world and this idiot cryes because he cant score. Just as i dont understand the pain and anxiety of dying patient, the common people dont understand the depression, anticipatory anxiety and misery i have been carrying for my whole life because they were too selfish and cruel to do this to me. Those monsters they laugh for what they created. They dont know but they are those cruel kids that were harassing me and humiliating me at the school and now they laugh because i cant adjust to social standards when they destroyed me and made me social inhibited.
i wish their first and second and third child will be just like me :lonely and depressed. And i hope their child will bring them agonizing pain and sorrow. This is my letter to the world filled with cruel monsters . A hostile world. Full of enemies who their only desire is to make people feel lower than them in order to give them the satisfaction of humilation.Curse you all. I hope hell really exists and it is full of monsters like you
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