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My life is a mess

Posted , 5 users are following.

SLERIS
SLERIS

My entire life is a mess. Everything i have done ,have absolutely failed . I am 28 years old and i am doing a job that i dont like and i am not good at it. I have been only once with a woman. I didnt studied what i wanted to study. When i was younger, i didnt party or having great time instead i was playing video games. I lost all my money. I tried to immigrate to 2 countries and i went back.

Right now,i am on the edge of quiting my job and never work in something so stressful as this. My collegues will start mocking me. I will be the second worse cook in the restaurant and it will be a matter of time before my superiors start yelling and screaming at me. Seriously, i am slow and clumsy and distracted and everything that a cook cant' be. The only reason that i started this was to get out of my country.

What i hate the most is that the women absolutely ignore me. Yes. I tried everything. Joining social groups, start dancing, socializing, doing a job. There wasnt a single girl that i like who showed an sort of attraction or interested. I am the personality that makes the women go away. Too gay or too soft or i dont know. The only girl that i have been kicked me away like a dog when she found the chance of leaving this country and she wasnt even pretty. and that was last year. I remember that i stopped thinking of those things and socializing but the years have past and i am the same 16 year old lonely boy with chlidish dreams and fantasies. Life is tough for idiots.Also, i remember that i tried to trick myself that i dont desire women affection and this didnt work on women. Because i dont like driving and i dont have a sense of humor and i dont have money.

I never had money but last year that i worked. Since then my parents had been giving me money. And they started today also because i lost all my money to air tickets. i went to another country and i went back. I lost all my money to those trips.

After 10 years i will be the same old looser with the same fantasies and stupid dreams with the difference that i will look older.I even started to draw pentagrams on the sand and trying to invoke Satan .saying some soft of prayer. Yea it didnt work. No creature with hooves and horns came to visit me in the middle of the night in some beach.

i cant love myself because i am my own worst enemy and i dont forgive my enemies. It makes my life so diffucult.So diffucult.

People who see this will laugh because they dont understand. They start comparisons for example there are so many deceases and suffering in this world and this idiot cryes because he cant score. Just as i dont understand the pain and anxiety of dying patient, the common people dont understand the depression, anticipatory anxiety and misery i have been carrying for my whole life because they were too selfish and cruel to do this to me. Those monsters they laugh for what they created. They dont know but they are those cruel kids that were harassing me and humiliating me at the school and now they laugh because i cant adjust to social standards when they destroyed me and made me social inhibited.

i wish their first and second and third child will be just like me :lonely and depressed. And i hope their child will bring them agonizing pain and sorrow. This is my letter to the world filled with cruel monsters . A hostile world. Full of enemies who their only desire is to make people feel lower than them in order to give them the satisfaction of humilation.Curse you all. I hope hell really exists and it is full of monsters like you smile

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 SLERIS

    Posted

    Hi Sleris. We all make choices. At one stage you had a choice about how to spend your time and could have played video games, gone out partying OR studied so that you had a better job. For whatever reason you chose video games and that helps to make your life what it is - or is not - later. But it is not too late to realise that was the lazy choice and instead of complaining about it do something productive about it. Learn things that people want to pay more money for and which you enjoy doing. You say you are no good at your job. I doubt this. I employ a lot of of people and it is rare I employ someone who is not good at what they do, because that would cost me a lot of time and money. If you were no good at your job I think your employer would have noticed it by now and replaced you. Nobody would keep you on otherwise.

    You say you have only been with one woman. Well to me that is better than having had lots of promiscuous sex and lots of one night stands. Go for quality not quantity with relationships.Please do not fall into the trap that so many do where they keep dwelling on their "mistakes" or how unhappy they are when half an hour of making decisions and working towards them is far more helpful.

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 SLERIS

    Posted

    Hi, you sound angry with yourself and with the rest of the world, and giving out bad vibes and negativity, which is what depressed people do. While you do not love yourself nobody else will be able to either. Start with looking after yourself first. Have you been to the GP to see what is on offer, Counselliing or talking therapies can be helpful, close family are not always the best people to help or talk to. You are in a black hole full of self pity but again that is depression. Please get some proffesional help. Hope this helps. Good luck.

     

  • aiden89317
    aiden89317 SLERIS

    Posted

    Hey, i just thought what could help you. I have done this myself to help my depression and found it to works really well. If you have a social network account with friends on you dont like or hate to see then just either delete them or make a new account. Out of sight out of mind right. For a while i thought i had to impress those kind of people because i was not good enough but you know what, i am, you are too! forget those idiots! Move on and meet new friends. If they dont agree with you either then just keep moving forward. If you don't want to delete them and you want to make them sad back then remember this.... People get sad when they see someone they do not like doing better than them. So if you upload images of you being happy or having a great time in life. The people you hate are likely to look at those images and it will make them feel less than they are. They see that you are so happy and that they did not effect you in any way and you don't let them put you down! Another method i do for depression is; everday i look in the mirror at myself. I put on my best smile and i cheer for myself! Everytime you look in a mirror just look at yourself with happiness. If you dont like something about yourself then change it or at least improve. It will make you feel so much better. For example i was wearing these clothes i did not like wearing, everytime i looked in the mirror i felt a little sad. It was my appearance putting me down. But i got a new shirt one day and looked in the mirror. Gues what, i was happy all day, i was more positive towards people and i even felt more intelligent! and this was just because i looked a bit better than usual. Anyways let us all know how you get on, it would be great to hear back from you.
    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 aiden89317

      Posted

      Good to read about someone actually DOING something about feeling sad instead of just feeling sorry for themself. I have an elderly friend who is very disabled in a wheelchair. She never complains. She gets busy. She is learning french and learning how to make websites so she can work from home on the computer as she needs to think about earning a living. Never once has she felt sorry for herself or wasted time just thinking about it. She has no family, no partner, she has very little money and she has other health problems. Yet she just gets on with it. YOu are so right. If you do not like your clothes buy new ones. If you do not like your job study and learn and pass exams or whatever to get a better one. The most interesting jobs and the ones that pay best are not going to be easy to get, if they were everyone would be doing them. People who do jobs like cleaning dont do it because they love to be on low wages but because they didnt bother to pass exams or learn proper skills. If you are unhappy with a partner then sort out a separation. I was very unhappy with mine. I ha\d no one to help me, no money etc but I sorted it out and separated. Anyone can moan and feel sorry and sad but one ounce of action is worth a ton of thoughts and sadness.
  • SLERIS
    SLERIS

    Posted

    Hello, i appreciate your trying but this doesnt help at all. I am living in country which has a full blown crisis. There are no oppurtunities to switch professions because most of the jobs are few and each one of them is worse than another. If i try to study i will lose 4 or 5 years studying something with no future. Besides, i have to stop working because of the exams and classes. Even if i start studying when i finish my school i will be 32 or 33. Bye bye to my youth,And of course people dont have money for psychological assistance.

     Youth is the most important thing to our lives. It should be an era full of sweet memories which we will recall during the miserable adulthood. Why should i "lose" the best years of my life, asking my parents for financial support whilst studying and dealing with the fact that i will be a 30 year old man living and eating with his parents?

     Why most of the things in life arent's easy? Everything should be easy.

    • aiden89317
      aiden89317 SLERIS

      Posted

      My friend. I think you need to change the way you are looking at life. The past is gone, it will never ever come back. You have to except that. But it is not what we have done in our past that matters. It is what we do with our future.
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 SLERIS

    Posted

    Dear series,

     I am sorry that you are finding life so difficult at the moment, but please do not give up... Are there any courses that you could do in your spare time? Or is there something that you are really interested in any way that you could enjoy learning about via the internet?

    Never feel that you are alone, many people, both young and old feel exactly the same way...Are they any group activities that you could join or maybe some voluntary work  where you could meet other young people without any social pressure, with a view to making some new friends....I truly wish you well young man, try to keep up your spirits.. sincere regards, Deidre. X

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