1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Mental Health

My life is becoming a mess ??

Posted , 4 users are following.

emmmry
emmmry

I'm gonna talk through the issues I've been facing over these past couple of years. Really all I want is a couple of things I could ask my doctor to get me tested for in regards to mental health as I'm really not coping well.

Firstly, I've become very apathetic. Like, to the point where I've even stopped caring for my close friend of well over 6 years and my family. I've lost interest in things I love (ie, I use to love science with every fibre of my being, but now I'm so indifferent about it it scares me). That's very vague of me but, its really hard to truly describe how odd I feel, but apathy is a good word to generalise that.

Also, I've become increasing nervous. Two weeks ago I had what I could assume to be a panic attack - I couldn't breathe correctly, I was shivering and shaking, I couldn't speak well, it was an awful experience that had my teacher consider phoning for an ambulance because I was struggling. Even now I'm still twitchy and nervous for when my next ones going to arrive. But in general, I've become increasingly paranoid, I'm asking friends if they still like me every couple of hours, I'm always double checking locks, looking behind me, and even simple things like dropping a pencil has set me into a panic.

My mood is another concern of mine. I constantly feel a heavy feeling on my shoulders and chest, and I have to drag myself out of bed and I just overall feel really miserable. Eating and sleeping have become chores to me, I'm constantly bored, and I feel like I'm on the verge of tears at just the thought of having to leave my bed.

Loud noises such as crunching and chewing send me into a panicked state too, it throws me off my meals and makes me want to gag and throw up. The same happens every time I take a tablet, I just get really panicky to the point where I hyperventilate and eventually throw up from how much I'm struggling to breathe.

I've always had a little fantasy world in my head, too. A world the same as the one I live in, only where I'm liked by everyone and people treat me with respect. Its my safe space I go into when I'm alone, and that's probably a normal occurance but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Recently, within the past 7-13 days, I've become increasingly angry and frustrated and miserable over little things. My doctor told me I lost 2 kilos the other day (I was underweight enough as it is when I went to see her 6 months ago), and when she mentioned a blood test needing to happen (which I haven't gone for yet), I freaked out and punched a wall, and I've spent the days since sulking and obsessively ranting to friends about how much I hate her over that one thing. On top of this, I've developed a strange urge to edit things around me. At first I thought nothing of it, until my friends started pointing out I'm constantly editing things, either verbally or on paper. But this past week its gotten so bad that I've become increasingly stressed about being unable to edit small things such as someone's typo on a Facebook post that it makes me shake, cry, pull my hair, bite my nails and lip so hard they bleed, and get so angry I throw things and start screaming.

I spend 99% of my time in my room or isolated because I don't want anyone to take concern over me, because I don't want sympathy, I just want help and people just don't understand when I try to talk to them, they always assume its school based. My grandparents (of whom I live with), do not support me for they believe I'm faking all of this.

Finally, thought it was worth mentioning that I do not partake in any form of self mutilation (minus my nail biting and scab picking from the thing mentioned above), and I'm aware of how vague this comes across as, but I just want general things really. Although details would be nice. Thanks in advance! x

2 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Mikestroe
    Mikestroe emmmry

    Posted

    Hi. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert because I'm a suffering a lot from poor mental health at the moment too but I can relate to you on a few points here.

    I can understand the apathy - I've experienced it myself when I lost my passion for video games and stopped caring about the things I used to care about, even family and friends. Apathy can be difficult but it's worth taking some proper time to think about. Could it be that you've genuinely just lost interest at Science and find it difficult to let go of something you were sure of as an interest for so long? Regarding your friend though, is there anything they've potentially done to upset you? Even something that you may not have thought of as a big deal? 

    I'm the same as you and spend a lot of time isolated in my room because I don't want people to fuss over me, but to be honest, that's only made me feel worse and developed worse social anxiety in me too. 90% of the time I went out to see friends/family I never wanted to but most times, I enjoyed being around people and I always felt good for it later in the day, at least if only for a little while.

    Your fantasy World sounds normal to me - I only ever fantasise about real-life situations that could happen and somehow imagine myself coming off a hero! Perhaps because I feel my anxiety holds me back from doing the things I want to in the real World, that's why I think it? 

    Other than that, I'd definitely suggest seeing a Doctor and telling them how you feel. They will maybe refer you for counselling which can be helpful even if only to get your thoughts/feelings off your chest. I really hope things perk up for you soon, buddy.

    PS - I hate typos as well so don't worry, my post won't need editing. wink

  • infestissumam
    infestissumam emmmry

    Posted

    This sounds like clinical depression. I'm not a psychologist but I've struggled with OCD (which is a type of anxiety disorder) and depression since I was a child (I'm now 20.) Depression can actually make you anxious. The sound thing might be misophonia, which I also have to eating sounds but they make me uncontrollably angry instead of anxious. Excessive daydreaming, trouble paying attention, loss of appetite, apathy, and stress are all common symptoms of depression. You're not faking it, what you're experiencing is real and you should talk to a doctor or therapist if you can. Most people benefit greatly from therapy, I wish you the best on your journey <3 

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 emmmry

    Posted

    Have you mentioned any of this to your gp? You need too. 
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.