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My life is over. It’s over.

Posted , 4 users are following.

Donny98
Donny98

I'm tired of being alive. So tired. I've tried so hard to try to give my life meaning, to give myself a reason to live (especially for my family), but I can't find any. Despair has completely consumed my life. I have no friends, live with my parents and have never held down a proper job. Anxiety & alcoholism ruined my education as a kid, I don't have a degree. I don't enjoy anything at all. Music, movies, games, p*rnography, socializing, eating, working out et cetera. I don't even enjoy the hobbies I used to. I feel nothing. I get upset when I see everyone else enjoying life and feel like I'm missing something "why are they so happy?" "why don't I feel the same?". It's like watching a kid play with toys, I can't experience the same happiness. I've fell so far behind my peers, even if I tried to make friends, people would think I'm a loser. No one would want to be my friend, my very existence is repulsive to the average person. Romance is even further out of reach, who wants to date a loser? I'm bound to die alone. I can't even show my face to my family, I'm an embarrassment. I feel like a subhuman. At this point I feel like I'm already dead, I mean what's the difference? If I feel no joy from living & my life is stagnant with no progress, what's the point in being alive? Especially seeing how I'm a financial burden on others. Sure I could try getting a job, but why bother? Why work everyday to survive, when I don't want to be alive? Everyday I wish I was dead. Is it worth working hard for another 50 years, alone, unloved, with nothing to look forward to, doing work I hate, to try and fit in, in a society that looks down on me, when I don't enjoy a single thing about being alive? I would rather kill myself.

People say "it gets better". It doesn't. It gets worse. People only show sympathy to you when you are young, when you get older, they ridicule you. Instead of seeing "light at the end of the tunnel", all I see is an oncoming train. I've broke down crying multiple times because I keep thinking to myself "damn is this really it? this is the grand finale? is this how my life ends? what was the point?". I've held on for so long and I don't even know why. Nothing changes. I can't do this anymore. My only wish, is that when I die, I don't have to come back again. I'm utterly worthless. I hope my family can forgive me. I'm sorry, I should have never been born.

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Emis_Moderator
    Emis_Moderator Donny98

    Edited

    Hi Donny98,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help- contact your doctor or go to the emergency department at your local hospital to get some help. The Samaritans also offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help. If you don't want to talk - you can text "Shout" to 85258 - they will also be able to help you.

    If you are based outside of the UK.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Your doctor or the emergency department in your country is also a safe space for you.

    Kind regards,

    Patient

  • sam18386
    sam18386 Donny98

    Posted

    hi donny, 3 times i've left your post. what i saw was someone reaching out, what i didn't see was someone who said i've made a plan to end my life. have you? is your plan written down? does anyone know? have you got any further? is this all talk because if you want to get this out? if it's the 1st questions then i can't tell you how to live your life. if you need to talk i'd rather you did. if you need to talk then go ahead.... we can try to listen then help best we can.

  • chris89338
    chris89338 Donny98

    Edited

    I am so sorry you feel like this. I understand totally as I have also felt like this. Are you on any medication?

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