My life's going down the pan and I'm struggling to stop it.
Posted , 3 users are following.
I've alway been a shy girl, nervous, a bit anti social but that's me..I loved/still do love my own company. 18 months ago a work issue which was nothing to do with me but I was witness to set me off into the wonderful world of severe anxiety, panic attacks, headaches, insomnia and tiredness at the same time....the dam list goes on and gets longer each week. Been to the Gp and to be fair she's great but nothing's working, it's been 8 months now since I started taking sertraline 100mg, 3 years on propranolol 80mg slow release. I've been give 5 mg diazepam the past 8 months too for occasional use like when I get into a state and I have to be somewhere like work or an appointment etc i take like 3 a week sometimes none some weeks a few more it depends, then the dr reviews it so I'm not using too much but it's more like a crutch to have them in my bag tbh. If I know I have them I less likely to need them kinda idea but doesn't always go that way lol 🙄. Anyway..I'm just so depressed/had enough/loosing it whatever you want to call it. I don't have a family that love or more like show love. My mum's more concerned I think with my pay check than my life, I have no relationship with my dad tho my brother does(my choice), my best friend is very close minded and judgmental if it hasn't happened to her she doesn't get it or if it has hers is always worse than anyone else's. I've to wait 9 months for a Psychology Service appointment like I'm sorry I could get hit by a bus tomorrow!! I'm gonna pay private for it just.
I just don't wanna be here anymore, if there was a switch I'd seriously flick it off. No one would care and I'm totally ok with that. I got a raw deal in life. My brother gets this great life that I should've had yet I'm drowning and no one cares. I'm off work on sick so I'm scared I'll lose my job, will have to get by on sick pay, mums more worried about her housekeeping than me.
0 likes, 6 replies
craig84609 poppy_girl_86
Posted
We all have our hand to play out in life. Me, I wish that I was more successful and at least healthy. My brother is healthy and I am jealous of that as I have Crohn's Disease. I am sick most of the time and need to see the doctor all the time. I am upset about it, but I seem to get up each day and go to work like everything is normal, when I know that it isn't. It can always be worse and I can deal with it, so can you. Go out and take what you want. If you want a better job, then go get that job. Nothing can stand in your way unless you let it. I know things can be tough, but you just have to be tougher. Don't let life beat you, roll with it. Remember whatever happens you will be fine, so smile. Good luck to ya and have fun with life.
Beverley_01 poppy_girl_86
Posted
Hi Poppy girl 86,
Sounds like you feel you've hit bottom and that's a very isolated place to be. Do you havebother family who can be supportive, gran grandad,auntie, uncle, cousins etc? Not necessarily to talk about these things too but, just to know you could get in touch if you needed to. Also, friend wise, any other people you feel are there for you? When we feel down, often we can't see that there are people around that could be there for us.
I think that with the waiting list for psychological services, it's really not good enough to expect people to wait that long and I 'm not surprised you feel like going privately. I have a 16 month waiting list for my daughter to be assessed for aspergers and she's really struggling at present. I'm not sure where you are based but locally here there are services that are free like the womens centre and a counseling service for those who are low waged. Sometimes gp's aren't always aware of other things that are available locally so it may be worth a Google search of your area.
In regards the anxiety and depression, IAPT can offer tier 2 guided self help which can be useful and they can even do this over the phone if needed/wanted it that way and you don't have to be GP referred.
Also, do you feel you can tell your GP that you feel you're drowning and no one cares? Sometimes dosages need adjusting temporally when you're having what I call a blip.
Truly hope this helps
Beverley
poppy_girl_86 Beverley_01
Posted
Hey, yea waiting lists suck! I've no family, just a mum and a brother. My mum's v cold when it comes to stuff like this even though she's been there herself. All she says is "awk you'll be fine when you go back to work" "be better when you get back to normal" " it'd be better to face the demons head on"
I'm feel like I'm just a walking £ sign. I'm staying in, cancelling plans, appointments I can see all the signs yet I could force feed it to everyone around me yet nobody notices! I want out just.
Beverley_01 poppy_girl_86
Posted
Hi again,
Just wondering what things you enjoy right now or enjoyed? And if you can't think of anything, when this shifted. Can you talk to your GP ASAP? It sounds like you're shutting off and can see you're doing that and that you would be able to notice the warning signs in someone else.
You sound really down with it all and I hear that you don't feel you have anyone there for you. You say you feel your GP is understanding and I urge you to make an appointment. Explain how you're feeling and that you're struggling right now with this.
Beverley
poppy_girl_86 Beverley_01
Posted
Got appointment with Gp on the 20th been booked since last week. Yea I can see all the warning signs...joys of studying psychology years ago lol.
I don't enjoy anything at the min, I'm happiest when I'm asleep because I get a break from this, I love going walking in the evening the darkness is so calming and safe. Like down the harbour is ace the wind just refreshes you for a wee while its lovely the sounds etc. I'm basically living my life atm with the attitude of just passing the time untill I pass away. It'll be a long time before that happens I'm only in my 30's but that's what I'm doing, just existing drifting along not achieving anything anymore passing my time on earth.
Beverley_01 poppy_girl_86
Posted
The Walk by the harbour sounds amazing. The sounds of the water and the wind on your face sound good. I 'm going to the seaside for a couple of days at the weekend. Find the sea so relaxing. I know It's hard when we feel so low to see the things that bring us joy but, it can really shift things when we do things we like. Sometimes I 'm really not well enough to go out and can't manage to even sit on the door step. On days like that , it can be really hard to think of the things that bring me joy.
Where I am if you ring on the day at 8 am you can usually get to see the doctor that day. You can get pre- bookable appointments too. Is it the same with you? The 20th seems a way off !
Beverley