My Long Distance BF is Depressed and ignoring me. Please help.
Posted , 2 users are following.
My bf lives across the country, so we talk on the phone as often as possible. I knew he was depressed and has anxiety before I got into a relationship with him, and I have the same things, but not as severe as his. His dad died a few months ago and he told me he has been having bad dreams about him lately.
He told me he loved me, has always texted me promptly, but I started to notice he was texting and calling less and less, until barely at all. He is a very truthful person, to a fault, and I know he would never lie to me, and at the beginning of the relationship I made him promise to never ghost me, and if he ever lost interest in me, he would straight up tell me, but this has me confused.
I asked him a few days ago if he was drifting away from me and he said, "If I have been drifting away, it's only because I'm still dealing with a lot of my own very difficult emotions. I look forward to hanging out with you and I love talking to you." And said I have helped him with his depression, and that when he gets like this, all he does is sleep and eat.
Despite him saying he's not drifting away, I still feel like he is. I'm currently making him a care package that I know he'll like, so I'm hoping that will cheer him up. He did say this comes and goes, so maybe I just have to be patient.
Last night he said he'd call me, but I had to go to bed early so I asked if I could call him after work the next day at 2pm, and he said he would be able to talk, but when I called him, nothing, not even a text. I texted him saying, "Are you ok? I want to help you and be supportive. Is there anything you want? What can I do for you? There was a wise man who once told me, "Everyday is a new chance to see the sunlight differently." -You. I know you're going through a lot of emotions right now, and I'm so sorry about that. But I want to help. Please let me help. I'm feeling really bad, and I'm trying not to take this personally, and it's really hard, and I'm really sad. Please call me." No reply as of yet.
What can I do to help him? Why won't he talk to me? He knows I hate to be ignored, and I can't help but overthink this. I feel so helpless.
I love him, I want us to work out. It's just hard because I can't just go to him and be there for him.
2 likes, 3 replies
christineleaf
Posted
I also wanted to ask, I know who some of his good friends are, should I contact them and ask questions, like, "Is he ok?", "Does he do this often?", or "Do you know of anything I can do to help?"
wayne1962 christineleaf
Posted
Sorry christineleaf - I didn't read the next question. Benefits of calling of calling and questioning friends: you might discover he does have episodes like this, that he's not seeing anyone at all, it's nothing to worry about, he'll come around. He hears how much you care and you fly into each others arms like Brad and Pitt. Debit: He feels crowded, spied upon, outraged you have questioned his friends about him, and breaks contact permanently. Which might apply with regard his persona? Is it worth the risk? Yet?
wayne1962 christineleaf
Posted
Hi christineleaf - anyone who's been in love can hear your pain. You have reached out in the most sensitive manner and the next part will be much more difficult: leave him alone. Wait those endless minutes that stretch like hours, heart leaping every time the phone rings, crashing disappointment when it's something - or someone - mundane. Leave him with himself for now. If he hasn't contacted you in a few days - 3 if you can manage it - text him that same supportive message, then, again, wait in agony. He probably just needs his space - he even said that "this comes and goes" so believe that. Try and occupy yourself with physical tasks. Mow the lawn. Look at it. It''s a mess.