my mental health always terrible I jus need help now can't b like this whole life

Hi I'm 24 years old I have been a drug addict my whole life my head is gone Iv been trying to get rehab but it is not happening for me at all... It all started when I was around 7 I smoked cannabis a lot off it I come from a wealthy boxing family so I uset to steal tickets and money to buy it no1 ever noticed so I kept stealing to feed my habit, I took my first line of Coke around 9 (street level mixed crap) no interest in it then I started taking extacy at 11my parents would off been more aware so I always stayed at my friends his mum never came in his room so was easier to hide without being caught I went off those when I was 16 still using cannabiss throughout the whole time (the herbal kind always had the best off weed) I started using cocaine again but was still street level the weed messed my head up in the beginning I got to a pint were I didn't want to do anything with my kids I was too paranoid to leave the house sometimes etc. Iv quite a long criminal record mostly for small bits cannabiss all Possesion and some class a also Possesion numerous driving offences and some charges witch I think I'll go to jail for if I am convicted (on bail at the moment) think iv near 40 convictions I would say up to 28 would be juvenile.... I got sentenced for a small bag off weed and handed a suspended sentence so if I was caught again was jail so silly me started buying people's scripts off them off diazepam 1,2 or 3 5mg would have got me chilled and relaxed and had my self of steam back because it was really low back then when using weed.... Next thing is the Coke started getting better I was on it every week 3ozs between 4 friends (only on weekends) and still cut stuff but was stronger around this time this was up until around 18 months ago... I took my first line off pure Coke really dear 100£ a gram stuff I'd say 4-5 years ago I hated it because I was still a stoner at the time it made me anxious antidocial not wanting talk people.... But as my tolerance got higher I youst to buy a gram for when the other stuff didn't hit me... I was able to sniff away no paranoia anxiety because I was mixing 10mg diazepam with them these were all off black market 28 at a time a full box.... Then the problems start I was held hostage in my house for 8 rs, that's wen I took my first lyrica 400mg I think I was then stabbed 6 times in my back then got nocked down I was having problems not seeing my kids and was really dwn I started friendship with a guy that always could get pure Iv been on it everyday since December soon as I wake up until I go to bed the 900mg lyrica won't help anxiety anymore so I'm drinking vodka to give them a boost I was never addicted to lyrica you see I was only taking them because I have two whole n my nose it's a pain undescribable best way to describe be like a hot poker up it but 900mg lyrica and few vodkas seem to take it away and help me sleep aswell even thow I no it's a very very dangerous cocktail off drugs.... I tried go off my lyrica other day was really sick constant Doris I think started my second day off them I read up all side effects off withdrawell and I'm really stuck don't no what to do should I go back on my diazepam ? I used cocodomal for the pain the couple days I was off them hate them because there a opiout and they didn't even help the pain I've been on lyrica since last August.... I'm scared off the withdrawell because it's hard enough coming off cocaine I be up all night with insomnia sleep for half r think it's all night, the longest Iv tried to stay off it is 3 days I just can't but I need advice about these lyrica first because I no if I get off these the Coke makes me more anxious and will give me more motivation to stop thanks for my chance to tell my drug life story but I want to be free now I hope some one can give me advice

Thanks a lot plz someone reply

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