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Here I am again posting on these insted of getting my butt to the doctors but sadly my doctors surgery is always busy and my work like to leave the rotas until last minute!
Anyway like in the title my mind is a viscious cycle.
Some normal and some I question and wonder why I do those things.
First off I have no idea what kind of person I am I can be nice but I can be horrible I can like this then suddenly despise it and it does sometimes effect my relationships not really friendship as I don't have that many friends.
I suffered depression when I was a teen and was extraimly angry at everyone in my family they would judge me but really they were just warning me. I smoked weed for a few years and ended up getting anxiety which is my own fault I accept that but I have always had anxeity it just got worse when I smoked weed. If something doesn't go the way I planned it I burst into tears and get angry but of course that means I am a spoilt child according to my mum I got everything and was spoilt.
Yes I had a roof over my head
Yes I got well fed
but I didn't have nice clothes like most kids did
I never had as much things as most kids did
When I started growing breasts and girls in my year at school were wearing bra's I wasn't allowed to because according to my mum it wasn't breasts it was just fat because I was chubby growing up.
It wasn't the worst life but I definetly wasn't spoilt! When I was self harming really badly and attempting sucide my mum dragged me to the doctors and they ONLY showed concered when I said I skipped a meal...that angered me so much you only care about people with eating disorders that is a mental health problem. So someome trying overdose and cry out for help is just "a spoilt child" I am 22 now I am pretty damn sure the ragginggg teenage hormoans have passed now and as the years go on I get more depressed and more angry. I got myself into debt a few years ago because I was being greedy with payday loans and just wanted to spend spend spend so now I have to wait another 3 years until it's cleared and Im being refused phone contracts it sucks but it was my own fault. I am sorry for rambling but I just feel so let down by everyone but then at the same time I question myself am I just a spoilt brat? when I haven't been spoilt? I also find it hard to cope with work as I can't seem to accept the customer is always right. I am getting an atidute in work to customers and sometimes I don't care I need some kind of help I know there is a nice girl in there because I am nice but it's these moods these thoughts that mess me up and I never know what kind of mood I am in or what kind of personality I am what is my fave colour is it pink or red or blue I don't know. *deep breath* Well I salute whoever takes time out their lives to read this lol cheers
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