My mind is constantly alert and checking for any danger. Fear of losing my mind and control.

I'll probably get therapy next month. It's specialized anxiety and I probably need to be there a few days a week inc. sleeping over there... It stresses me out already.

I'm diagnosed with GAD, social phobia and depression. Often worrying that I have something else. Maybe it's my GAD which is going out of hand.. I don't really know.

I know it's a trap, but I can't really figure it out all the time, because it's occurs so often, have physical symptoms as well and it's overwhelming. Tonight I had the worst dream ever about me having complex psychological things. Although I don't even know exactly what what's happening, I'm just feeling bad now by only having those things on it's own.

I would assume it is the anxiety that's flaring up. Just a couple weeks ago I had extreme discomfort due to anxiety because I had accidentally left one of the burners on the stove on for half an hour and we have a gas stove, so I got scared that a bunch of gas leaked inside the house (literally so stupid).

But later that night I also got super scared that I was losing my mind and going insane and it sure felt like it with the anxiety. So I totally get that feeling. Has happened to me a couple times.

What also helps me identify the fact that its just anxiety and not actual danger is the feeling that the thought gives me. When these thoughts pop into my head I get a really restless feeling all over in my body. When I'm thinking and behaving normally I just don't get that feeling, so when I feel that I know that it's just the anxiety tricking me.

The physical feelings that anxiety can give you are horrible I know, but at least identifying what these feelings are might help you.

I'm not a counsellor so I don't know if these will even help you but i find that these tricks do help me. It's hard to start challenging your thoughts and feelings and it will feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets better and better over time.

I also know ERP therapy has helped a lot of people overcome these things. Don't know if you've had any experience with that but I heard lots of great things.

I hope it's just anxiety. Honestly I feel like I'm on the end of line a bit. Struggling for so long and because it's so constant I feel just so hopeless. It aren't waves unfortunately. I don't know how it is to feel normal anymore. I'm just constantly overwhelmed. I will keep it in mind what you've said. I just feel a bit defeated right now.

That's completely understandable, and I felt the same way just a couple weeks ago. Just felt horrible and on edge the entire time.

Do you know the exact cause of your anxiety attacks or why they started in the first place? Knowing why it started can help in better understanding your triggers.

I know for me my anxiety has resulted from the scare that mono gave me, and the fact that I couldn't do anything about it for months, I could only rest and wait for it to get better, which made me feel totally out of control about the way I felt.

So I don't know if it's a control thing for you as well, but it seems like it might be.

I don't know, just being able to see that it stems from that helps me. I've learned to understand that I can't control the fact that I feel unwell somedays, But what I can do is rest as much as I can and take care of myself. Stuff that is out of your control- let it go. It's hard, but truly this reasoning has helped me.

I hope things get better for you, I know how horrible it can be. Feel free to message me anytime 😃

Well, don't forget I basically feel constantly not well, but of course I've situation where my anxiety increases a lot. Everything what involves going outside for example. That's mostly based on the fact that I am afraid to lose control and being away from home and in contact with people increase this a lot. I feel ashamed of myself.

And basically how my GAD anxiety begins I've explained in my original post.

Well, I've a few triggers how this all started. Domestic violence (8 years) and negative drugs experiences (right before it became unmanageable) Low confidence caused a lot of difficult situations in my life.

I see, I read your original post. You have been through a lot. I'm afraid that I can't give much advice on what you've been through, nor would I want to because that's a very personal experience.

However, what I can say is that please don't feel ashamed of yourself. I think most people in their life go through s****y times like these. For some of us it is just tougher to deal with, but it is not your fault.

And honestly, maybe this is insensitive, but I've kicked myself in the butt for this many times - we gotta stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Because when you keep getting into this trap of thinking things like "I'm never going to get better" or "Nobody understands me and nothing can help.." you are not helping yourself. If you can get into those mindsets, you can ABSOLUTELY get out of it, or minimize it so that you can get back to being you.

Getting through mental illness and learning how to manage it better is not easy and it takes time. But more than anything, it takes the right mindset. Start taking care of yourself like you would care for your best friend. You wouldn't let your best friend do this to themselves. You would help them, so help yourself, whatever that takes. Everyone's healing process is different.

And I am not at all saying any of this to discredit your experience and chalking it up to you simply not wanting to get better - clearly you have goner through a lot and I'm sure you want to get better, who wouldn't? But sometimes we don't realize how hard we are on ourselves and it makes it so much harder to recover.

So, take my advice, or don't, but even though it sounds stupid, having a routine of some sort everyday, a purpose of some sort, really has helped me.

Come up with a mantra everyday, a good one. For me lately it has been "I'm going to get better, no Ifs Ands or Buts." And I say it to myself at random times throughout the day. Sounds stupid right? But it's better than negative thinking. It brings me confidence.

Another thing: just writing. Write 3 pages everyday of just your thoughts. Doesn't need to make sense. Get it all out on paper. Sometimes looking at it that way puts it all into perspective. And it gets it our of your head.

And as for the losing control thing - I understand completely. I really do. It's hard to get over that feeling. Its really scary. And it's hard not to tense up and look for ways to control everything. But the fact is that you just can't. We aren't in control of many many things in our lives. You need to find a way to accept that you cannot be in control of everything that happens in your life. What you can do is fix the way you react to those circumstances. Exposing ourselves to our fears is probably the best way to do it. Yup it sucks and its terrifying at first but eventually after seeing these things pose no danger the anxiety starts to go down. Easier said than done.

So again, I would recommend looking into ERP therapy because it helps a lot of people get over these fears. Basically the anxiety will spike with this therapy initially but it has helped so many people, don't dismiss it.

And maybe some of my advice seems stupid but sometimes the stupidest little things go a long way. Maybe it will work or maybe it won't but always worth a try.

Yeah, I think you're right. But why me? I just don't understand it really. I'm 20 years old, so I am relatively young and I still have plenty of time left in my life, but living with this for much longer is something I think I can't really handle. I have to take that help which is offered to me. I think it's my only chance.

I totally agree with you about me having the wrong mindset. I must admit that I'm a sensitive person by nature, so I don't think that's really going change, but I'm using it in a really wrong way. For example; even the color red gives me anxiety... You seem convinced that's it's absolutely possible to feel better. I think the only way for me to have that faith back is to have some success in my life. I really hope you're right. I'm wondering right now a lot if something is so severe if it's really possible. I'm speaking right now with my wrong mindset, I know.

Changing your mindset seems like the most difficult thing in life to me. I'm still searching for my purpose, but here at home I can't find anything.

About control, I wonder if it's right to expose to the outside world. I've got a lot of fears, so I often think I must fix them first before I'm ready to go out. But maybe they developed because I didn't expose enough? It's difficult.. What do you recommend? If I can't watch a movie properly for example, is it right to take steps to go outside right now?

I will keep the ERP therapy in mind. Perhaps my new therapist can offer it. If I'm right, ERP is for OCD right? I don't really have compulsions, so I don't know if it's the best thing to do for me, but I would ask professionals what they think about it.

For the rest of the advice you gave me, I think you said a lot of useful things and I'm going to write it down and try it out.

Thanks a lot for helping me out a bit btw, I appreciate it a lot!

No problem at all!

Just so you know, I'm around the same age (turning 19 this year) and it does make me frustrated that I'm young and have got these anxiety issues as well, but we can also look at that in a good way, see it as an opportunity to really turn things around for good.

I have also thought "why me?" so many times. Why did I have to get sick and miss so much school? Why did I have to get anxiety from this? But again, we can't really change those circumstances. All we can do is play the cards we were dealt, and if we're smart we can play them well.

Changing your mindset really is hard, but once you start to do it I think you will start to feel much better. It's not going to come easy at first and it won't happen overnight. There's always that nagging doubt in the back of your mind I'm sure, because I definitely have had that feeling for a long time. But you can't let it be stronger than you. Understand that your anxiety is not who you are. Think of it as a completely different entity, one that only wants the worst for you, like a little devil on your shoulder. Do you listen to that devil? No, of course not, or I mean you probably shouldn't right? It takes time to be able to ignore that voice. And it's really uncomfortable at times, but that's how you know its working.

Everytime I come across a "trigger" now, I acknowledge the uncomfortable feeling and realize it is part of the healing process. Now, just two weeks after going to counselling I am able to much better manage those feelings. And each time I encounter those feelings, I let them come because I register that it isn't a danger, its just part of my recovery, and as a result each time the feeling comes it holds less power and feels less strong because I don't associate it with danger anymore. Hopefully that makes sense lol .

I'm definitely not cured of my anxiety by any means - I still have quite a ways to go. But just knowing these things helps me. And definitely the only way to get over your fears is to expose yourself to them. By avoiding it you are making the connection that it really is dangerous when it isn't. Of course I would start to do that with the help of a professional because it seems like you have accumulated a lot of fear.

I do know that ERP is used for OCD although I think it can generally be used for anxiety because OCD is an anxiety disorder. I don't really have physical compulsions either I mostly just think obsessively about the perceived danger which really gets the anxiety going and makes it hard to concentrate on whatever task is at hand. So I've found that exposing myself to dangers and then restricting those thoughts and just letting the uncomfortable feeling wash over me is stressful at first but has dramatically helped in decreasing the power of anxiety I experience.

I always thought of it like something that will make me stronger whenever I was starting to feel better. Unfortunately that mindset is a bit gone right now. Perhaps it will return soon when I will start therapy. I have to wait for my first appointment until it's the 10th of March.

I understand what you mean by saying that anxiety isn't me, but you have to understand that's it's like the only thing I have experienced the past 3 years. Especially this last year it is the only thing what's keeping me busy all day long. I kinda lost the sense of who I am exactly under all of these fears. I can't really accept myself as a person because of this. That's what's also developing this feeling of feeling detached from the world. Include this with my agoraphobia and you got a difficult mixture to get rid off. I just don't know anymore what I want in life.

I have and I am trying to register those thoughts and feelings as no danger, but it feels so real and it's overwhelming because it's a lot.

Hmm, okay, often I can't even describe where I'm exactly afraid of. It's just constant high anxiety for the unknown I think. Do you think ERP in that case would work as well? I haven't talked a lot about my social phobia and agoraphobia but I think it's coming from the same problem which also occurs when I'm just in relatively safe place.

What also (I think) is a huge issue, is that the rest of my emotions feels suppressed. I can't let out my anger and sadness. I feel like a huge living sponge which you can't wring out. I'm experiencing this for a longer time. In the beginning when my anxiety started I followed therapy (not a good therapist) for a year, but the therapy she gave hadn't really a effect on me, because I couldn't let myself be vulnerable.

I'm sorry I'm not responding really positively btw, that's just because I'm still feeling a little depressed. I do save all the things you say in my system:)

3 years is definitely a long time to be feeling like that so I understand that you probably have forgotten what "normal" feels like. I get that detached feeling sometimes, especially the couple weeks leading up to February when I really started to break down badly. I think it's just your brain tuning things out because it's just way too stressed. Sucky feeling though so I can empathize with that for sure.

I'm assuming you stopped therapy with the first therapist a while ago because it wasn't working? How long ago was that?

I think the fact that you have managed for 3 years of this is pretty incredible, as much as it sucks. I think if you find a therapist/therapy that works for you that you can get through this and get better again, you just have to be open for it to work. Hiding things will only make it worse. Therapists aren't there to judge you after all, they are there to help you sort out your issues and they have been trained to do so.

In the end, it really is up to you though to pull through. A therapist will be able to guide you and help you make things out more clearly but there needs to be work done on your part to get things rolling. And I know that it's hard when you've been feeling so bad for so long, but if you keep postponing doing anything about it or even trying it's not going to get better. So even if you feel like utter crap, there really is no day like today to just get started doing something. The sooner you start the faster you'll recover.

OK and not to be one of those people, but do you exercise? Exercise doesn't cure anxiety or depression on it's own but exercising naturally gives us those feel good chemical reactions in our brain, which is helpful, speaking from personal experience. Not a cure by any means but for some people it really helps, like a lot.

Yeah, the therapist herself said it wasn't going to work out anymore. She was right, but the way how she stopped giving me therapy wasn't great. All of sudden it was just over and I was still not feeling well. At that point I was able to hang out with friends, take a bus ride and doing groceries on my own. That drastically decreased when I stopped doing therapy. That's right now like a little over a year ago I think.

Yes, I'm actually pretty good in explaining my own problems and I have not a hard time telling people who knows how anxiety works. It's just that I can't open up emotionally. I feel like a robot so to speak. I do am sensitive person, but it's like I can't open because of this constant alertness where I talked about in my original post.

I did exercises, but I kinda stopped doing them, because I couldn't see a point of doing it. I didn't felt any feel good sensations. I still do some yoga sometimes, but that's like 2/3 times a month.

Okay, well I'm glad that you have an appointment booked soon and hopefully this therapist can help you out better.

I don't really have any other advice to give to you now I think I've said everything that I could think of. Feel free to message me anytime though, sometimes just getting our thoughts out can be a relief.

Best of luck! I think you do this. Just remember that recovery is not a straight line, it's a zigzag. It'll go up and down, there will be better days and worse days, but eventually there will come a moment where you have more good days than bad days.