MY MUM AND COPD

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I have been reading most of the posts on the site and Im sitting here crying not knowing what to do or how to feel. My mum has been diagnosed with end stages COPD, she is at home and we visit her everyday, I see her mood deteriorating and its as if she has given up. All I seem to do is nag her because Im so scared at losing her, my son and I need her here. We booked a holiday long before she was diagnosed and I feel so guilty that I dont want to go and leave her for a fear of what might happen - I feel very selfish for even thinking about going away. Im always asking her how she feels etc and I think Im driving her mad - I seem to be so negative towards her and dont know why.

I just had to write this - I feel so sad.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    I too am in your shoes, my mum is at a very advanced stage of COPD and I too fear the worst.

    However, I feel that what ever time I have left with mum will be better used laughing and getting to know her more. This helps deal with the inevitable for both of us. In the past few years I have had some amazing experiences with my mum, and my dad simply because we are a laugh together. It is the best 'cure' to be honest.

    I am very sure your mum won't mind you going away, in fact I would probably think she would encourage it because you need a break too - the disease affects the whole family, not just the sufferer...

    Keep your chin up, and put a smile on for mum - it's all she wants to see.

    Robbie.

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  • Posted

    I have just read both of your experiences and really feel for you both. I am in the same boat, although my mum lies about her condition so as not to worry us. I don't know what you mean by the latter stagges of COPD I just know my mum has it and that she has 2 inhalers. We managed to get her to quit smoking and I thought it was going really well, until I walked in to her house the other day and found her with a cigerette in her mouth. I was absolutely gutted, there are no words for how I felt. I couldn't even speak to her I just walked out. I know its her decsion but like you both I just want here here!!!
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  • Posted

    Hi there.

    The latter stages of the illness are when the patient has to rely on an oxygen supply. The O2 is more pure to allow the lungs to take more in as they struggle to expand then in turn cannot oxygenate enough blood. You should look it up on the internet and get some knowledge on it. It's hard reading, but knowledge is very important as you need to know what to expect so that it doesn't upset you when you notice things happening with your mum. It would also be of benefit to your mum too...

    Also, it's critical that your mum stops smoking asap. It will lead to a lot of difficulties for her, and she may find doctors will not treat her if she smokes. My mum has had that problem in the past.

    The illness is unfortunately terminal, and what your mum does now will greatly help her later. You need to get that through to her if you can. My mum carried on smoking for a couple of years after she was diagnosed, and she regrets it now - 15 years later.

    I hope this has been a help to you - I also hope you can get some info to help you understand the disease more.

    Robbie.

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  • Posted

    Thanks to everyone who replied it really is much appreciated. My son and I went on holiday - I had said to my mum that we would'nt go - she wanted us to (I must really have been bugging her!!!) She has been just the same since we got back any I am really trying not to be as negative. I think she is feeling frustrated and also angry at the realisation that she shouldnt have smoked 40 (or more) a day. Im sure she is still smoking - 3 a day had been mentioned at one time - at the same time I think she shouldnt be - I think let her do it Im so grateful that shes here after what we had been told when she was in hospital.

    Thanks again to everyone

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  • Posted

    I hope you are all well, I have used this site as an information source, and in the hope of helping others so I hope you can too.

    Robbie.

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  • Posted

    Thanks - still here. Hope you are yours are ok.

    Liz

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  • Posted

    [quote:1780869394=\"Robbie\"]I hope you are all well, I have used this site as an information source, and in the hope of helping others so I hope you can too.

    debbie59.[/quote:1780869394]MY MUM HAS JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH OPD AND SAYS THANK GOODNESS SHE HAS NOT GOT A C AHEAD OF IT!!!! READING SOME OF THE STORIES ON HERE MKES ME FEEL SO LUCKY THAT MUM CAN PULL BACK. SHE WENT TO THE DOC AND HAS GOT PACK UP SMOKIMG TABS....SO BRAVE AS SHE ONLY LOST MY DAD A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO!!! IF SHE SUCCEEDS IN QUITING THE WEED I WILL TRY TOO

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  • Posted

    Hi Debbie,

    Good for you and your Mum. It is the most important thing your Mum can do for her health and you will feel so much better too.

    But why wait to see if she succeeds. Why not do it together. It is always better to try to stop with someone else than going it alone.

    I wish you both the best of luck and am here anytime you need to talk.

    Let us know how you both get on.

    Tessa

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  • Posted

    Hi Everyone

    My Mum was taken to hospital 7 years ago, diagnosed with COPD and given 3 hours to live - that was the worst time of our lives. Mum is still here thankfully and this is because she stopped smoking straight away. If you have COPD and you continue smoking you get worse very very quickly. I know this because Mum tried to smoke a year after coming out of hospital and deteriorated drastically again. She hasnt touched a cigarette since and although quite poorly now and her breathing far worse - she is still here....

    I wish my mum didnt have this disease and its so sad to see someone you love so much struggling for breath every day and you are continually looking for signs that something is going wrong.

    COPD is mentioned more now than ever before but the NHS still need to do more to allay patients fears, and give more advice to the people who love and care for that person. Unless you ask questions you will be told very little.

    My heart goes out to anyone suffering with this horrible disease and for the people caring for them.

    Sue x

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