My Mum is in denial.......

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and refuses to go to her doctor to get checked out, she appears to have some form of dementia, although I am no doctor.......she has very bad mood swings and has been threatening violence towards my stepdad, who I have to say is just trying to keep the peace rather than actually trying to get her help......she is very unstable on her feet and has now fallen over on at least 3 occasions, the first my stepdad was at home and she insists he pushed her over, which i dont believe for a second.....and then she fell over twice again in the same place and he wasnt in the house.....I have spoken to her doctor but he says that unless she consents he cannot do anything, even talk to her......any advice would be helpful as this is causing so many problems for all concerned, I just want my mum back

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  • Posted

    Yes, I went through this also. My mother is now in a dementia care home now. I did get my mom to go to the doctor. Now the court has deemed her incompetent so she needs a guardian of the person to take over-- which is my aunt right now. I would consider getting a lawyer. It is quite helpful.
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  • Posted

    Hi Tracey, I just logged into my email and saw this. You can't get a diagnosis on-line, as I'm sure you realise. However, it's not really going to be possible for anyone to even suggest pointers with the very limited information in your post.

    You don't say how old your mother is, how long this has been going on, whether she's gone through similar episodes in the past, how suddenly it started, whether she's a heavy drinker and whether she has any other symptoms of dementia, like poor memory, loss of interest in personal hygiene, not being able to cope with tasks she was able to do in the past etc.

    I'm quite concerned about your reference to your mum being unstable on her feet and having a lot of falls. However, it's difficult to have any opinion about that too without knowing how old she is. If she's in her 90s, this wouldn't be too unusual, but if she's in her 60s and it's just started - especially if the onset was sudden - it could be a serious sign. Do you see what I mean?

    Taking your post at face value, and with nothing else to go on, your description of personality changes and loss of balance sounds as if this could even be a serious brain lesion - perhaps a tumour. However, if it turns out your mum is, say, in her late 80s, having memory problems and this has been coming on for some time, then yes, it could be dementia.

    The doctor is quite right in saying he can't do anything unless she goes to him initially. However, there are ways around this. A few years back, a friend who was living with her elderly mother became desperate when the old lady started accusing her of things, locking her out of the house etc. My friend eventually went to her own doctor because she couldn't cope with the stress of it any more, and a home visit was arranged - ostensibly to see her but also to assess her mother. A late-onset psychiatric condition was diagnosed, and the mother was persuaded to take medication, which alleviated the problem. Another avenue - though I realise it's a hard one - would be for your stepfather to call the police if the violence became physical. No one wants to do this, but it could result in a compulsory examination by a doctor.

    There are so many differential diagnoses - dementia, a psychiatric illness, vitamin B12 deficiency (especially if she drinks heavily), a brain lesion or a number of other things, some of which could be easy to treat. I think you're going to have to try and approach your mum's doctor again, and perhaps make sure to tell him everything, especially about the falls.

    I hope you manage to get help with this worrying situation.

     

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear this . My mum suffers with Vascular dementia and her symptoms at early stage were much like your mums although of course as lily says it is not possible to diagnose without referal to a doctor. In my mums instance this was also very difficult but my dad made an appointment and made her go which seemed very cruel at the time but her diagnosis was confirmed. I think your mum is probably very scared as she too will know that there sadly is no cure for this condition and may be frightened of a confirmed diagnosis. I think that it is important to give her as much love and support and to let her know you are there for her and to realise that her mood swings are not something she has control over and she is probably very frightened and confused. I do hope you and your stepdad get some support.
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    • Posted

      Yes, my mother was in denial. The doctor confirmed it. Then my aunt took her to live with her and reversed the dementia by a doctor in Illinois. She got a checkbook and everything. It was not ok by me, the daughter. She was moved to another state. Now she is legally incompetent by the state. she is in dementia care now...Don't let relatives take over.. I learned a lesson there.
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