My never ending, lifelong h.a. once more ruined my vacation.

Phil, how very kind you are to give me

such a thoughtful response.

You are 100% correct.

I'm a senior and don't know how much time I have left(!) but I surely would like to do it without health anxiety haunting my every step.

I'm ashamed to say I've been off on another "attack" even since the troublesome spot last week.

I cant remember being this bad before. I don't know what's going on.

My elderly sister in law is dying of cancer and we are involved in her care, going to the oncologist appointments, etc.

Since I'm quite cancer phobic that may be another trigger for me.

What sort of therapy would you get if you were me?

I've read that CBT isn't much help for long term cases like me. We already know quite a big ourselves just can't control it.

Thanks so much for your kind response.

I have had many therapists in my life before I found my current one, he is really good. He basically lets me talk and always seem to come back to the periods in my life that were obviously formative in creating my Anxiety items. Not sure if that is CBT or whatever, I'm only sure it is working-albeit slowly.

I am currently involved in a 1 year 8 month probate fight with my sister over my Mom's estate and it's really been dragging me down. Anxiety is not caused by our imagination, it is usually an unhealthy response to a real problem. If your sister is dying of cancer I am sure you are under great stress right now, anybody would be. Stress is normal in our lives, we can't get away from it. Anxiety is an abnormal response to a normal situation, we need to discover why we react that way and learn to control it so we react within normal limits to stress.

Therapy is needed to discovery why you have HA, find a good therapist who you feel comfortable with and can open up with. My therapist Dave is in his 70's, which I like because I just turned 64. Like you I am older. Dave can relate to things when I talk about problems I had as a child back in the 1960's, he lived through that. Find someone you can be equally comfortable with and go after it tooth and nail! We can't let our afflictions control our lives, we're better than that. I want you and your husband to enjoy a nice vacation free from Anxiety, you both deserve it. God Bless!

I want to go to Dave, too! He sounds wonderful.

I wish he would do Skype interviews.

Actually, we aren't very close with my SiL but just as a fellow living being, we both commiserate with her and what she's going through.

Facing those last few weeks of life must be daunting plus the physical suffering ahead of you. Terrible.

Its ironic as she is one who never had an ounce of sympathy for anyone in her whole life.

Thanks again for your very kind help. I'm feeling much better today.

Rose

Glad you have a respite from your condition, Rose. I hope you can find someone to work with in therapy to overcome the HA. Therapy, if you are serious about it, is very hard work. The payoff is you understand yourself better and uncover some things you probably forgot about consciously-but the unconscious never forgets.

I am not completely over the Anxiety I have over certain types of stress in my life. But, after a year of intensive therapy I understand a little better some of the things that occurred in my life when I was a child which promote the anxiety today. I am seeing my Therapist twice a week now and I literally 'leap' out of my chair in the waiting room when he opens the door-I am VERY motivated to overcome the psychological problems I have, I want to be better! I take notes ahead of my sessions with Dave so we can focus on substantive things-thoughts that popped into my head during the week when thinking of my childhood, for example. Good therapy is a lot of work but the payoff is so meaningful to us. Good luck!

i want to be better so much, too!

My health anxiety goes all the way back to the polio scare of the 1950's so you can see I'm a true anxiety veteran.

I would love to have a "Dave" of my own. are you located in the midwest by any chance???

I'm trying hard to keep the negativity away. Its always lurking in the back of my mind.

Sad, bad experiences from my past that I dredge up to make myself miserable plus much dread of the future.

I'm trying to practice Buteyko breathing as I'm a terrible hyperventilator!

For hard cases like me, they advise taping your mouth shut. Especially at night. I just do a half taping at night and a bit of clear tape during the day (I remove it going out!!)

Also I pray a lot.... in addition to jogging 20 miles a week!

My new thing is subliminal learning at night. I'm ordering a new book on positive thinking, stress relief today.

I've been listening to other books while I sleep but they have been giving me crazy anxious dreams so I have to say bye to Harry Potter and The Hobbit.

Trying hard to keep on the straight and narrow again today!

P.S. I started taking CBD oil gel tablets yesterday. Maybe they are working? i'm highly skeptical but we'll see.

So far my nightly wine intake always helps!!

Good exercise and prayer is very important as well, Rose. I go to services every week and ask the Holy Spirit to help me deal with my issues. The good part of going through this stuff-if there is a 'good part'-is I've learned I need people in my life to help me through the tough spots. I never recognized that before this last episode, so some good has come out of it. None of us are an island, we need caring companionship-more REAL emotions from people and less virtual emotions on the internet. That's important.

Dave is a great therapist, but there are others out there. You need to meet some and see who you feel most comfortable with. You'll probably go through 3 or 4 before you find someone you can really open-up to. It's like anything else, some are better personality matches than others and you want a therapist who can really help lead you to the 'uncomfortable' things we hide away in the deep recesses of our minds.

I do live in the midwest. I'm a research scientist working on hybrid and electric cars on a contract to one of the Big 3 near Detroit. I'm working long hours on some challenging problems and this last year I found out that even I can 'break' if the accumulative stress and anxiety from work and my personal life reaches high levels.

That was the first time in my life I ever had to spend a night in the hospital-it was only one night and I was released for an outpatient program the next day, but I had definitely reached a point where I was no operating rationally anymore. Thank God I had people in my life that overruled me and insisted I get admitted in hospital-they even suggested they could call in Police if I didn't cooperate with them! And they were 100%, absolutely in the right. I thank them every time I see them, because it likely would not have worked out well the way I was going. But that's another story. Good luck!

Wow, that must have been one hellava night that sent you to the ER! I'm extremely doctor and hospital phobic. 'Will do just anything to avoid them.

My 80 yr old brother may have had a similar experience 2 yrs. ago as he wound up in the psych ward from taking too many pain pills (oxytocin and tramadol++) and him a retired executive, well to do, too.

It can happen to anyone.

I find myself saying "God, please take away my bad ( negative) thoughts!" when I sense one coming on.

So far its working.

I sure have a good feeling about Dave. I love the idea that he is older. I can't imagine being able to open up to a younger person.

Even my sister in law's oncologist is 30 something and my SiL is in her 90's....no way can she know or begin to understand what she is going through, even though she is very kind.

Took my cbd pill today ....3rd day in a row.

My husband says hes noticed a difference. I'm still skeptical....but then I always am.

Oh, one addition to your comment re: reaching out for help...my brother had been mad at me (why I have no idea) for 20 years before the night at the ER when they called me as next of kin.

Since we came to his rescue at that time we are now friends again.

Not buddy buddy close but at least friends and that is wonderful.

Hope things are well for you today.

I have no experience with CBD oil, please keep me posted. I take 20 mg of Paxil a day and have been since I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 37. It takes the edge off my depression, doesn't do too much for anxiety. I have some Xanax in the house but I rarely take them-I'm concerned about their habit forming potential and all the bad stories I heard about trying to get off of them. So I only take a very light does (.25 mg/day) and then only every few weeks when I feel an Anxiety attack coming on. There are also natural herbs you can take to help address the anxiety-melatonin, Valerian Root, Hops, passionflower, chamomile, etc.. They're supposed to be a natural sleep aid, but they also reduce anxiety and I prefer taking them to Xanax when I can.

I met with Dave today and he tells me he uses free association techniques along with Psycho Dynamic Therapy rather than CMT. His approach has been very successful with me and it's helped me through a very difficult year, I highly endorse it.

Yeah, the ER last summer was something else, but it was absolutely needed. I had let my anxiety over the legal issues I had along with my normally busy occupation push me into a condition where I was hardly eating, wasn't drinking fluids, wasn't sleeping well, wasn't interacting with people-had isolated myself and didn't care anymore if I lived or died. This all started almost 2 years ago when my Mom and only brother passed away 2 days apart from unrelated issues. Then an estranged sister got involved in the estate settlement and started a Probate battle. Anyway, it all compounded on itself and there I was. The primary psychiatrist at my Therapy Center called me in to discuss my medication, asked me a few questions and said 'I am having you admitted to the hospital for Psychiatric help'. She called my Therapist in, and they brought in my wife and all three of them basically said 'You are going and that's it!', I couldn't convince them otherwise.

They ran tests at the ER and my blood pressure which is usually low was spiked. They had to put two bags of saline solution in me before I could give them even a small urine sample, I was that dehydrated. And talk about embarrassment-I had to have a young hospital worker sitting and watching me continuously so that I didn't harm myself. For someone who had never been in hospital overnight a day in their lives in 64 years it was quite a rude awakening. A lot of other things happened, but it turned out to have been one of the best things to happen to me in many, many years. Because it taught me that even I, who had never been ill or short of confidence in myself, could have a breakdown. I now know it can happen to anyone under the right set of conditions-and I need people in my life to watch after me and help me through those times. So, it wasn't all for naught-it turned into a big positive. I have come a long way since then.

Why was your brother in the ER?

Your ER experience was similar to my brothers.

He was having a lot of pain due to spinal stenosis and a problem with his pelvic floor (that I've never figured out - feels like he has something cinching his waist - too tight!) so he went to a pain clinic and got loaded up on pain pills.

He was a "dry" drinker so 'had the age old urge to self medicate - but this time with a whole new arsenal!

He lived alone in a studio apt and had called 911 4 times in a month (every Friday night.) On the last one the social service people called me as he was talking to an imaginary friend (!) and was suicidal

That week, we had to go to his apt and remove anything with which he could harm himself.

They wanted to send him to a shrink there (top research hospital) but he refused . He's very intelligent but very stubborn and can be quite mean when provoked.

I googled up that he has a thing called a Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder. Its kind of scary.

Bottomline, we got him out of his apt where he lived for 40 years (hoarder) and, thankfully he has $$$, so we were able to move him into a very luxe senior complex here in the city. This was done under his direction, of course, as he has to control everything.

What a situation for you - to have 2 people die withing such a short period and then the mystery sister shows up wanting her share. Ugh!

I've never taken rx's for anxiety - my husband and accupunturist (also an MD) are dead set against them and I, myself, just don't think they would work for me.

Exercise, diet, nutritious diet, sleep and prayer are my "weapons" of choice!

If you can get by without medication that's best, of course. I do acupuncture as well and am going to my first session of cranial-sacral massage this afternoon. You have your priorities in order, exercise, diet, nutrition, sleep and prayer should be your main tools.

My attorney is attending a hearing today and-hopefully-the Judge will agree to close the Probate Case. That would be a big blessing. But, if it doesn't happen we'll just have to deal with it. I'll be disappointed, very disappointed-but I'll work the issue. My crazy sister already signed and notarized a Settlement Agreement-but then had second thoughts about it and wanted to rescind her signature. LOL. She's really a flake and just loves vexatious litigation, but she lacks the money to pay her attorney-so it's really petering-out on it's own. We'll see what happens, got my fingers crossed!

I went to accupuncture yesterday, did my Buteyko (slow) breathing and listened to my new subliminal relaxation tape while there.

That went well but I had a ton of social anxiety to deal with as we had to see out of town relatives go to dinner later on. That was a challenge as we don't really know them all that well.Much wine was consumed but anxiety still lingered. Wasn't able to relax until we went back home.

Do you have a problem with bright light making things worse?

I think our table area was a bit too bright. 'Should have moved further back.

The darker things are the better I like them! I look forward so much to Daylight Saving Time change when night comes on faster. Most people hate it but I am counting the days.

Also its an excuse to be home a lot without feeling like a weirdo. I love being home. Fireplace and candles? That's my best time.

How did it go at the hearing? How did it wind up in probate?

I'm like you, I don't like bright lights. Prefer darker rooms. Prefer gray weather to the summer (my wife thinks I'm nuts, she loves hot weather), Autumn is my favorite season, cool, gray, colors changing, cloudy skies-I love it.

Hearing went GREAT. The Judge ruled in our favor after a year and a half of crap arguments from my sister. I wasn't there as the Probate Court is 5 hours away-I hired a local attorney to represent me. My sister must have knew it was coming because she requested in her 'Complaint' that the Judge recuse herself, because she didn't believe the Judge could rule fairly (Judge knows her from a previous guardianship case and a divorce case). Anyway, Sis p****d the Judge off and the Judge ordered her to pay me some monetary damages for unnecessary litigation-I'll be lucky to ever collect a dime from her but that doesn't matter because the Case was formally closed and I'm happy. My lawyer told me sis 'bolted' from the Courtroom before she wrote Estate checks for the rest of the Heirs (she has only given heir allowances to HER side of this dispute, the rest of the Heirs have been ignored. Sis is the PR), so it'll be interesting to see what the Judge will do to 'encourage' her to fulfill her Fiduciary obligations. I feel like a 1000 pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders, to be honest. Praise God!

What great news re: the hearing. Nothing like being vindicated, am I right? Do you think she will give it up now or go home and (God forbid) start scheming about some new tactic?

Yuck. I'm glad she isn't in my family - although we have more than our share of odd balls - I guess I have to include myself in that pack. For one thing I'm extremely phobic - especially as I get older. I, also, have that startle response....very embarrassing. I jump out of my skin if someone comes up on me that I wasn't anticipating. Sometimes I even scream. Horrors.

Basically, I'm a nervous wreck. Sigh... always in "fight or flight" mode except in bed or in church or enjoying a glass or two of wine!!

I have to meditate more (!!!) and I wish we lived in a more quiet location. We are in the heart of the heart of the big city - something always going on around here.

My husband had a big heart attack years ago and noise is a bad thing for heart patients yet I still can't convince him to move to a really quiet area - not exactly the country but a nice country-ish gated community. They have one in western Illinois on the Mississippi. He thinks we would be bored stiff there plus 'wouldn't have our "top docs" as we do in the city.

BTW, how did that cranial massage go? Intriguing idea - where do you go for that?

Cranial 'massage' was quite different than I expected. Less actual manipulation of tissue and more pressing with the intention of getting you to relax. A lot of application of the hands on upper head and along spinal column-press, hold, wait for muscles to relax, relocate hands. She told me lots of folks fall asleep during her sessions, which I can understand. It IS very relaxing. It's at the same place I do acupuncture, they provide both services. I go about once a month for the acupuncture and it is very relaxing.

Noise upsets me, I like quiet. And one of my dogs doesn't like artificial loud noises like firecrackers. He doesn't mind thunder too much, but light off a firecracker and he trembles all night. So I can understand your husband's issues with noise. Are you near Chicago? I used to live in the north burbs over there when I was a kid.

Sis will never give up trying to create problems for me, she is not too happy about the Estate history with my folks. She needs to let it go, but she can't. Winning that Probate Case was a big step for me, though. She was actually pillaging the estate to pay her attorney, I had to pay mine out of my own pocket! If she tries civil litigation in the future she'll have to pay for it herself, so that should dissuade her to some extent. We'll see-right now I'm happy and fairly relaxed. Quite a change from last year!

Hmmmm....cranial massage sounds interesting, maybe like a massage? I may try it if I see it offered here.

Have you ever tried those flotation tanks? I know someone who thinks they are great.

I'm still experimenting with my cbd gel capsules.

My age old anxiety is so omnipresent it will take a hell of a lot to calm me down, but I, maybe, notice a small improvement with these.

I take one first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach.

I'm dying to move up to two, but haven't had the nerve yet.

Soon, though!

I downloaded a centering prayer app today and have high hopes for it. Of course that, probably, dooms it! LOL.

"Keep your expectations low" is a good motto, I WISH I could do it as I'm always having my hopes dashed. Just 'can't figure out if I'm a glass half full or half empty person. Maybe both?

I saw a great quote yesterday. "The quality of your life depends on your ability to accept uncertainty and discomfort. "

So true.

Let's be honest, none of us can never be 100% sure we are "well. "

You can have a physical one day and keel over the next day. That happened to a friend of my brothers.

I guess we have to learn to live with insecurity, that we try to prop up with exercise, prayer, sociability, good sleep and diet...and merlot!

So true, there are no guarantees in life. I feel pretty good, but-as you noted-we could have a massive heart attack or stroke tomorrow and it's all over. Once you get over 60 those kind of things can happen. You can't worry about them.

I just take each day as it comes, plan a lot less for the future than I used to. Try and enjoy the moments, in the end they are all we have-moments and memories. Looking forward to retirement in a couple of years, hope it's what it's cracked up to be. I don't want to be bored, but I have a lot of interests-and should be very comfortable financially. As long as your health hangs in there it should be pretty entertaining.

I'm sure it will be hard to walk away from the career after doing it for 45 years, but we all have to throw in the towel eventually and let the younger folk take over. I guess if I have one concern it's that ending a career will cause some level of depression, that's a common problem. We'll see.

As you noted, there is always a good Merlot!

I took early retirement and regret it in many ways.

As many anxious people are - I am quite a bit OCD, too, so it took me years (and then some) to get over having so much time on my hands plus I missed so much social interaction that I had at work.

Being compulsive, I feel guilty not having anything significant to do all day. I tried all the usual things - pt time job, crafts, volunteering and the like - its just weird but its really hard for me not to be at work.

My husband has NO problem with it (retirement) maybe you will be lucky like him.

Also the money is a WORRY (not another one!) in that we are doing ok but I feel we should be a lot more frugal (and have more saved) than we are - think of and fear of the future - things are so expensive - got to have a LOT in the family kitty - we may need that and more!

That 94 yr old SIL of mine was doing ok - just getting by on pension and SS until she was about 92 (with one medical bankruptcy in her past) but then ill health and rising costs just overwhelmed her and she was almost evicted - couldn't pay her utility bills, etc. and she was one who worked all her life - until she was almost 70. We had to scramble like mad to get her on Medicaid and into a wonderful religious home for the elderly. Whew!

Of course being a brat she doesn't really appreciate what we did and the place and people who care for her now. 'Always in a bad mood. Ugh! (Note to self - if I'm old and in a Home - be very nice to the people who take time to come and visit!! Smile, laugh - don't be a Debby Downer.)

That is a lesson for all of us.