My parent recently had a fall and refuses to go into a home

Hi sorry about your news.Have you considered getting a carer in ? I am a carer for my poorly Husband, & he has mobility problems & sadly cancer now.Does your Mum live with you ? Or by herself? Have a word with your Gp ,& if you have sisters ,brothers they need to be sharing the work load.Its never easy.Good luck regards Amanda

Hi Jaden,

Contact your area Social Work Department and register your Mum as a person in need of care. They will carry out an assessment of her needs and will be able to supply many items that can provide help to such a person. Our 92 year old Mother has a Council supplied Emergency alarm in her home which includes a personal alarm which can be worn around the neck on a lanyard and also includes pressure mats in her bed which registers where she gets up at night say for toilet but does not return there(can be set to register a problem after x number of minutes). It costs £3.33 per week and includes call-outs by emergency personnel where the alarm is initiated for any reason whatsoever. It is best if you do not live close by, to fit a key safe to the front door holding keys for access, in our case this was also provided by the local Council and is operated by a simple code number that is entered to access the keys.

If your relative still cooks for themselves it can be set up to operate a fire alarm and a CO alarm to cover gas leaks, all under that umbrella cost.

Going back to you relatives fall, we had the same experience after 3 weeks in a hospital bed our Mother could not walk as she had literally lost the strength in her legs. it took three weeks with us at our home to get her back walking again. There is also the risk that the person concerned loses some degree of confidence as well. Yet the hospital assessed her as being "capable of going back home and looking after herself".

It was no surprise to us, as the General Medical ward in which she lay, was almost 80% occupied by older people. These decisions to send a patient home seem to be more based on financial decisions rather than on medical reasons.

You have a clear need for assistance being set up for your relative. Be aware that Social Workers will welcome you with open arms as your Mum would appear to own her home; that means that under the present law, they can allocate her directly to a care home, leaving you to sell the home to pay for her upkeep.

I have already posted elsewhere that you need to be careful of private Companies selling "equipment for the aged" there are some sharks about as old people tend to be easy marks for some of these Companies. Bear in mind that Council run Social Works Departments will supply the same equipment that these companies market, usually free or at a minimal cost.

It strikes me you may need a wheelchair in these first weeks; contact you GP, they will usually release such things at no cost, provided you return it when it is not needed. Private Companies will sell you one and they are not cheap!

Hope these few words provide some help to you; be aware that hip injuries in older people do take some time to heal and your mother may need assistance for a longer period of time than might be needed by a younger person.

Since you may well be providing care to your mum check also with the Pension Service or Social Work as you could be considered as her formal carer if she needs to stay with you long term. The present carer allowance is means tested(I believe) but can be up to £65 per week if you qualify.

Hope these few words provide some help to you. best regards

I think your mum is scared after incident and she needs personal care till she come out of the situation, give her attention till she forget those incident from her mind.