My partner ended our relationship as I started taking the tablets too late. Help needed

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I have had anxiety attacks for some years and my partner, of 6 years whom I have started again with after a year break up (6 months long distance this time) has finished the relationship as he says I should have started tablets before we got back together.

 He is on cit and has been for years, they work wonders for him and he told me he understood the initial start up issues, and was there for me .  I was on Fluxetine before but it affected my sex drive. So I changed.  Obviously he changed his mind, they didn't work quick enough for him. 

He just dumped me, by messenger, he says he won't call as he feels nasty and embarrassed. Im on week 3 of 10mg and its day 2 of the break up. I'm not going to contact him. He says he doesn't love me "at the moment."

My anxiety is now unbearable, I'm in grief and well you can all imagine...consumed!  

Do I need to up the dose to get through this, and if I do could it makes me worse?  I'm not coping. ??

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    hi Donna I am sorry to hear your troubles must be very difficult time for you the tablets take people different times to adapt to them. you never started to late as you took the step to taking them and the side effects will ease with time I'm on them and it took 4 weeks to get used to them you should never be timed on how long they take you need full support and people need to understand and be patient if you need to talk to someon who has been through similar circumstances I'm here you will get there and time will heal smile.

    • Posted

      Thank you Leon for your kind words. It does really help you have no idea. I'm feeling quite desperate at the moment and I can't decipher if it's the tablets, break up or both. It's killing me not to do the whole...text...take me back to stop the pain, it's unbearable but I won't. I just wondered when I was going to feel better.  A break up, in the first struggling weeks of these tablets is a killer, and I went in them to help x

  • Posted

    Oh bless you, I'm sorry to hear that.  Such a tough time for you.

    You are the most important person and you need to think of yourself getting better - you should take these tablets for you, and concentrate on yourself - not just to please someone else.  You need people to support you and be patient with you - and as Leon says, we're all here for you.

    My first marriage ended many years ago whilst I was ill and left me heartbroken.  Coping with that and this illness was such a strain at the time.  In time I met my present hubby (married now 28 years), and looking back I could see it had been the stress of my first marriage/partner that had caused my illness in the first place.  A new beginning, these meds, the support from my hubby and I recovered.

    These meds will work for you - everyone takes different times to get better.  Everyone needs patience whilst they work for you.

    I wouldn't up the dose - you will probably get side effects again, and you won't get immediate effect from them - all of which won't help at the moment.

    Do you have family or friends you can see?  Take time out for yourself, talk to friends, talk on here, socialise if you can (it so helps).

    K xx

    • Posted

      You're amazing K xx I'm sobbing after reading your message. I am just so humbled that a stranger can offer, and takes the time to say such positive words.  

      I agree, I think upping is not a great decision at the moment but I am just finding the pain unbearable.  It is so positive though to hear you have a better life, and there could be better for me too.  

      I live away from my family, with my son abroad for my work and his school. I teach so I'm on holidays.  Contact therefore with anyone close is intermittent but I do have some good friends.  It's the small hours! 

      Thank you so much for reaching out, you have no idea how appreciative I am right now xxx

    • Posted

      Awwww xxx redface

      I remember the pain, the fear and sheer panic of having to deal with it all alone (or so I thought at the time).  One night I just drank lots of wine ...... numbed the evening, but wasn't well the next day.

      Yes my life turned out to be amazing - I actually worked with my present hubby for 2 years whilst I was married to my first husband (sorry, I keep saying present hubby, but I'm not looking for the next one lol) - who'd have known the love of my life was sitting in the next office to me all that time - someone I'd never really noticed either.  28 years of marriage, 2 children, and a lifetime of laughter ...... who'd have known that when I had sat crying after my first husband walked away leaving me scared, anxiety ridden, alone and just totally bewildered.  Thank god we parted.

      You will feel wretched for a while, its understandable.  Let it be there, let it do its worst ..... it'll ease in time.  Wrap up in a duvet on the sofa, watch a film, eat a box of chocolates ......... well, tomorrow anyway if its the small hours for you at the moment.

      Contact your good friends tomorrow ....... 

      The meds will start working for you in time - you will emerge out into the sunshine and begin to marvel at everything around you with happiness again.  That's how it worked for me.  It took time, much patience and perseverance, but its wonderful when you reach that point with the medicine.

      Big hug wink

      K xx

  • Posted

    Hi Donna. I totally agree with K and L. YOU are the most important person in ur life at the moment. This roller coaster ride will get smooth in time. There are lots of people in here who have a vast knowledge and experience with these meds. Stick with them. You will feel better in time!!!!!
  • Posted

    Hi Donna

    Sorry to hear that your having a tough time .

    I started on 20 mg and the side effects last a couple of weeks but the tablets do take a long time to fully work.

    It's a massive step to even start citaliopram. least you know you are on the mend regardless for how you feel now as they do work .

    Yes probably best with no contact until you are feeling more like yourself .

    Breakups are never easy but the more you feel like yourself the more you will cope .

    Yes post on here if you need reassurance as always people here to help you.

    Take care missy X

    Debi X

    • Posted

      Thank you Debi.  The tablets were a big step and for him to breakup in the midst has been so hard.  It helps to have someone acknowledge that I have made a start to recovery, a massive step in this. It is good to hear from someone understanding.  I've done the Facebook Block but went into melt down and changed it back, so we are no longer friends but not blocked. I sound like a teenager...I'm 48 for goodness sake!  

      Thank you so much for replying, it really, really helps to not feel so alone xx

  • Posted

    Please concentrate only on yourself and getting better.  I feel for you but if your relationship was made to work, it will, irrespective of medication or not.

    I know now it's very easy for us to say be strong, but keep taking the tablets. They WILL work even though the first month can be hell on earth.  Try to see beyond the cloud and stick with it.

    once you are on the mend everything else will slot into place.  

    My marriage ended when he wasn't supportive and his family were awful when I needed medication.  I got through it and that was 14 years ago.  I am still on them and just increased five days ago to 30mg so I'm feeling horrible just like you.  I've also recently met a new man who knows little of my illness so I'm hoping it will work when he sees the bigger picture.  If not, then he isn't for me.  

    I do do hope you feel you can stick with it, talk to us on here and get the support you need. Bless you 


    • Posted

      Thank you Lynne, I am trying to concentrate on me, but the mind seems to have other ideas.  

      You're right, if it was meant to work, it would have. My logic knows it, but I keep getting real bad anxiety attacks at the moment, out of heart is beating out my chest as I type. I feel scared of my own company, and panic when I think about what I'm going to do to get through each day. 

      Sorry to hear you are feeling the effects again too.  It's a living hell. I worry about moving up dose, I can't bear this. 

      Like you say if you're with the right bloke, it will be ok, if you're not better to know sooner than later rather and waste anymore precious time.  We are not on the Earth forever x 

      Thank you for your support, I hope your side effects settle and you start feeling better soon.  As I have said on other posts, I am so humbled at how complete strangers reach out and offer support.  I have friends but they haven't suffer like this xx



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