my partner in hospital with his bipolar and won't see me

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Like so many of you iam new to this and very desperate for some advice.Ive been with my partner for 3 years .we have been friends for 20 years and 17 years ago he was told he had when we got together i new he had bipolar and we fell head over heels in love enjoying all that life could offer us .i had just come out of a marrage so my partner took me under his wing and looked after me with so much love ,something i had never had before,he had a few episodes but nothing i couldnt cope with he wasn't taking any meds at the time ,saying

he didnt need it .                                                                                         This christmas things started to change i could see he was struggling as he has his own buisness and winter time its quiet,i could understand how hard it was sitting at home alone was starting to drain him ,all his inthusiasum had gone ,not wanting to do a thing just sitting on sofa all day becoming more low .the lows i could cope with but then the mania started ,no sleep for 2 days being completly obsessed with starting a new buisness one that would make him sucsessful ! he was on the computer for hours and hours on end sorting it out ,i talked him into going in hospital because i was so concerned for his mental state he was taken in for 6 days what a joke that was no meds given as he said no to them ,then they sent him home .Things didnt get any better he was hyper again and went off out i was worried sick then he told me he was driving around for the day i had had enough living on the edge i told him i couldnt and wouldnt watch him press his self distruct button anymore it was day phone call saying sorry i cant live life without you .he is a very loving caring man .we went back to hospital to get him on meds ,thank the lord,.He picked up starting to look forward to   the summer and we had a break booked to amsterdam .at one point he said not sure its a good idea us going which to be honest i thought the same .anyway there was a mix up with his prescription and the doctor wouldnt give it him ,so he went the weekend with no meds and then the hyper started laying the euros on the bed and telling me how to spend it when we are away this went on for 2 hours then showing me how to use the camera he stayed up for 2 nights again walking the dog for 3 hours in the pooring rain.          anyway to cut a long story short he went to the hospital all hyper and demanded his meds because we where going to amsterdam in the way are you going they said we need you in hospital so he went back in .

i went in to see him and was shocked how he was so so abusive to me saying it was my fault he didnt go away and he has wanted to go for 15 years ,because i had said we cant go unless you get the meds .he said he would never of gone the hospital and he recons he was just excited to go away not hyper !!! he got up and walked back in the ward he wouldnt come back .I called the hospital yesterday and told them what he was like with me they asked him if i could go and see him and he said no.

Iam heart broken and confused i havent done anything wrong only loved this man with all my heart .family have said dont go for a while but i dont know if we are over ,whats going on with his care ,or even where he is going to go when he comes out .He looked like he hated me .i miss him so much and now iam sitting at home on my own going crazzy with worrie.anyone help

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  • Posted

    Hi Sharon I have bipolar 2 and a wonderful understanding husband whom I have told many a time I hate him and I am leaving him tried my best to hurt him but it is part of the illness I am sure it is so hard for you as it is for my husband but I can't stress enough how Much he needs you give him a little space and hopefully his medication will help it is very important that he stays on his meds he doesn't mean what he says so don't worry things will sort themselves out.
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  • Posted

    What a rollacoaster you've been on, the behaviour seems all to familiar to me, and having been in a similar situation with my own behaviour to someone who is not to familiar with major 'high's like this it's probably very scary. The fact that your partner does not want anything to do with you is not unusual, you will need to give him some space while the medication kicks in. When you have a high you don't trust anybody around you in many cases, and you said your worried that you over. I doubt you are over remember he's sick and he's not thinking straight. It may take some time for him to sort his head out but with the right medication and support he should be ok. When he comes out he needs to realise that he has to take the medication every day to lead a normal life, and if he says he doesn't need the drugs alarm must start ringing as bipolar is something that you have for life it doesn't go away he needs to learn that. I hope I've helped. 
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  • Posted

    thank you for you kind words it means alot .sometimes being the partner of someone with bipolar can be a loanly scarey place to so it must be to have bipoar. i will not stop supporting my parter,i love him beond words .but he needs to understand we are a team for this to work.i am missing him so bad i just want him feeling better for his sake 
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  • Posted

    Hi Sharon,

    I sounds like a rough time for both of you. I am bipolar, according to the tales of friends and family I am a very different person when I'm high. Everything you described especially the abusiveness, anger and blaming you is, unfortunately, fairly common. Until they have his meds straightened out he may not be able to do anything different. I bet you would like to go and see him and it feels like such rejection when he says no. It's most likely not you, but the situation at hand.

    My former husband found a support group for families oif bipolars and it helped him a lot (that was in Canada) - I know that these kind of resources can be difficult to find, but it is a suggestion to give you some strength. If you two are going to work things out, and many couples do, you will have to get used used to all the signs that he is changing states, as well as some pretty self-centred behaviour at times.

    Once you are talking again you may be able to build a crisis plan together that includes what to do when things get to be too much for you.  Once when I was hospitalized I refused to see my parents, I felt that everyone in my family was trying to have me commited. I was freaked out about the possibility of electro-shock therapy and all the things people in the the hospital discuss. I got to the point that I think I would have suicided over being hospitalized again. I don't know why it's so scary, being hospitalized, maybe having to face our demons/fears...

    One time I ran away from my husband whenwas he took me to emergency - I was hell-bent on going to Mexico and getting away from my husband and h

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  • Posted

    Oops, accidently hit the keyboard. You sound commited to your partner and his recovery. I think things will get better once he's stable. It's a different but equally as rough ride for the partners of bipolars. Take good care of yourself during this time and don't accept blame for things out of your control. Please try to get some solid support for yourself. Prayes and hugs to you. karin
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