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My partner works away and I have serious health anxiety! Can't cope alone.

Posted , 6 users are following.

jac33
jac33

I have been a sufferer of health anxiety and depression for around 8 years but it's been particularly bad over the last year or so.

I have constant thoughts about death - of myself and my family. Constant morbid thoughts and feeling like every symptom I endure is that of cancer or anything else that is life threatening/lifelong.

I have recently been through kidney stones and still have them therefore have pain pretty much all the time. The buggers aren't going anywhere. Wish they would. Not to mention a million other things. I have physical, tiring symptoms every single day. I am always unwell. I don't know what it's like to be well anymore.

I feel my better self when my partner is home. I can just get on with things, not much time to think and she is so good when and if I break down. I hate that I have to rely on her so much but my counsellor says that doesn't matter. Whatever helps. I feel like such a burden. She assures me that I'm anything but a burden.

I really struggle when she's away. I know some people have it worse with partners being away months, even years at a time but I'm really struggling with her being away Sunday to Friday.

I feel like I have no purpose when she's not here. I try to be active and make the most of my time to myself but the truth is, I hate being alone. I thrive on having someone there/ chatting to someone/being close to someone.

I'm struggling today. Every thought is negative and morbid. I'm wasting my life thinking and feeling this way.

Has anyone had similar experiences with relying on others/living alone/partners working away?

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • jade1797
    jade1797 jac33

    Posted

    Hi Jac, I know exactly what you're feeling. I am very lucky that my partner rarely goes away. For me it's things like at work I'm on my own in a building as my office is tucked away in a different department. I only started the job a month ago so don't really feel I can go and spend some time in someone else's office. When I'm on my own is when I panic most and feel most useless.

    When I have people around me I'm more distracted and the anxious feelings seem smaller.

    Keep going, it's difficult but you can do this. I sometimes listen to the radio or a podcast as then there is talking which comforts me at times.

    • jac33
      jac33 jade1797

      Posted

      Thanks Jade! I appreciate the reply. I'll definitely try podcasts or guided meditation. I reckon it could help me. 

      Hope things get better for you! 

  • edwina97301
    edwina97301 jac33

    Posted

    HI mac , Edwina here, sounds like your still vey down, hope you get more replies this really is stressing you. I've gone from not wanting people around at times to being really clingy. Wanting to. E left alone and shouting myself away. Then times not wanting to. Be left alone ,crying when hubby goes away for work for 4 days, and wanting mum to come and stay with me. It's like some kind of seperatiom anxiety. Had to reply again , you're not alone , ??

    • jac33
      jac33 edwina97301

      Posted

      Hi Edwina, I really appreciate your replies. It is stressing me out. Having to wait until a week on Wednesday for my smear test. Until then, I know i'll be in a blind panic. This forum really helps me. Just writing it all down. Having people who empathise and sympathise. 

      I am so lonely. I have so many friends that I could invite over but they are all so busy with their own lives and I wouldn't talk to them about how I'm feeling. It would merely be for a distraction which is great, but I'd need to mentally prepare for that and actually make myself look semi presentable which I don't have the energy for just now. 

      The Monday after my partner leaves is always the hardest. I really get myself into a slump.

      Thanks again, Edwina, I really appreciate your replies. 

      I hope things are positive for you just now.

       

    • edwina97301
      edwina97301 jac33

      Posted

      Glad you replied, smear test will. One round before you know it, really do feel for you about missing your partner, you are stronger than you think, know you think friends won't understand, posting here is great for that reasurance you need , sure you could talk to friends, just tell them you felt like a chat, don't have to get too deep, can vent on here where people get the anxiousness. Keep chin up as they say, people always here to help??

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 jac33

    Posted

    Yes. Living in fear all the time can do this easily. No one likes to be alone whilst scared. Anxiety disorders create many co dependent people. Therapy is important woth all this it helps ground you and have some else you can help you through this. 
    • jac33
      jac33 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Thank you, it really helps to know that people understand. Thanks for the reply!
  • Ashley025
    Ashley025 jac33

    Posted

    Hi Jack

    Don't worry we all would feel like that. It's the Anxiety that makes us afraid to be alone so we need another person with us. For company. Try to distract yourself. Any music that makes you happy and start dancing. If you want. smile You can always go out and walk in the park to calm yourself. You will be okay. It's the mind who is making you feel that way. Stay calm and listen to piano music or opera. BeethovensmileNo sad music it will only make you more sad and depressed.🙌

    • jac33
      jac33 Ashley025

      Posted

      Thank you. I tried yoga today. Went to a class. It was really relaxing. I felt light headed and panicked a little but didn't let it get the better of me. 

      I think I need more things like this and for it to be a sociabe event. I think I want to meet new people and do new things. It's having the energy and confidence to do that in the first place. 

      Thanks again for the reply! 

    • Ashley025
      Ashley025 jac33

      Posted

      Yeah it definitely helps getting out of your comfort zone and start doing new things. It will help you. Good for you.👏 For being strong💪 and taking control. Now you can make new friends.

  • Anxiety1995
    Anxiety1995 jac33

    Posted

    Hey!

    I too have serious health anxiety! I've been in a dreadful MS/ALS scare the past month and a half. Anyways, I've needed TONS of help from my partner! For a great portion of it, I handed the googling of symptoms over to her so I wouldn't get carried away or come across something that set me off. I am also worse at night, and have been having to FaceTime with her every night until I'm able to get to sleep. It's been wonderful that she's been here for me through all of this, but I can't help but feel guilty for coming to her with every worry, every anxiety attack, every bout of crying because I fear I have something deadly. It's been rough!

    • jac33
      jac33 Anxiety1995

      Posted

      By scare, have you thought you had it or were you tested for it?

      It is rough! Horrible sensations and physical symptoms. It has to get better!

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