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Growing up my half sister and i were very close, we did everything together, i have been there for her and her 3 girls through a lot of hard times. At one point i was pretty much her free live in babysitter, while she went out enjoying the single life but i didnt mind coz i always thought we would always be there for each other when needed. Her girls always came to me with thier problems, and even when my sister moved away 12 years ago with her new fella, we stayed in touch and i promised her that i would look out for her girls and be there whenever they needed me. I kept my promise.
Over the past 8 years we have drifted apart, i had my own daughter and we live so far apart we only saw each other a few times a year, i still kept my promise though, her girls all came to me (when they couldnt go to her) with thier worries and problems and i have always done what i can to help, even had one of them move in with me when she lost her home through drugs. Her eldest is my daughters godmother.
6 years ago my sister (half) was diagnosed with colon cancer, and it was a difficult time for the whole family, but we pulled together, i couldnt go and see her as much as i would have liked because i had a small baby, but we talked quite often and once again i promised i would be there for her girls to talk to. Since then the cancer has spread throughout her body and so it seems has another form of cancer.
Her bloke took it into his head that i was posting things about me having cancer online, which i think is just sick, the thought wouldnt even cross my mind having seen so many loved ones suffer from this horrific disease. Sadly, her mother, jumped on the bandwagon and my sister and her girls ended up believing it all, which really hurts.... a lot. That all happened christmas last year, her eldest went to my mum and dads and literally attacked my mum (my sisters step mum) then turned up at my door and knocked it down to get at me, scaring my then 4 year old to bits. I sent her packing and told her not to come back until she could see sense. I have tried talking to my sister but have been told im not wanted. I have sent letters but no replys, my nieces wont talk to me, thier grandad or my little girl. i have been verbally abused in my home town by my sisters mother and i have had really nasty messages from her other half and one of my other half sisters. I have been told our Dad isnt my real Dad which is a pure and utter lie.
In november she was told the cancer had spread so far there was nothing left to do for her and on friday she was rushed into hospital with a serious infection, they dont think she will make it out of hospital again. This has all been a complete nightmare. made even worse now because they are now stopping our dad from going to see her and holding her hand, and all because of something they say I did (which i didnt). Dad is in his late 80's and frail himself, he cant drive all the way out there and needs someone with him but none of his (my) family are willing to take him.
i am trying soooooo hard to be there for my Mum and dad, to keep it together and stay strong, not let my sadness affect them, or my guilt, because although i didnt cause any of this, they have used me as a reason to stop Dad from being with his daughter and i wish i could be there for my sister, my nieces and the rest of my family but i cant, and its eating me up inside. I have tried to talk to friends but they all say the same thing...... theyre not worth it.
Since friday i havent slept, i broke down at my little girls school this morning (not something i make a habit of) and i feel alone right now, alone and helpless.
I dont know what i expect from using this forum but i really needed to get it all off my chest and really open up. I am screaming inside and i am so frustrated, if anyone has any constructive advice please help.
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