My son is suffering... Alcohol has stolen his life..

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another Xmass without my son...very sad and wish I could be with him.

Every Xmass is a very lonely time for me. You see I never know if my 38 yr old son is sober, relapsed, in jail, or worse. Every time the phone rings after so many years of suicides attempts, police brutality, and worse, I now start to shake. 

I feel very sad and miss his bright smile and hugs. If he would just come home for X-mass that would be the greatest gift I ever had.

This sadness is hard to live with . It's the not knowing how or where he is. Is he happy ? Is he in a warm place ? Is he on the streets? Has he found someone to love him? Will he have a Christmas? 

I would give anything to just see him and know he is not sick from Al. I do know he is in the latter stages of kidney disease. I don't want X-mass to come for me anymore. I can't pretend anymore when I know he is suffering. As a matter of fact I asked that no gifts be sent or exchanged it's just not the same without UR kids and grand kids. My whole family is so splintered because of this. They don't get it. 

I miss him so very much and I hope he has a good Christmas. Yet sometimes the truth is to painful to hear. Most of the time I blame myself and I know it's not true. I do the if only game in my mind..over and over like a broken recorded. I'm am more stuck in this grieving his loss basically. And no one else in the family cares. It makes my heart sink.

I guess this is my addiction as AL turned my life upside down in so many ways. My addiction is to be with my son sober. I beg and beg God to do something .... I sometimes realize my son will never become sober. All I want for X-mass is for my son to find sobriety after so many terrible things he has been thru, I want him home more than anything. I don't care if he drinks anymore I want him to be safe and he will be home. It's almost like a deal with the devil....make him sober and I am urs. Sometimes desperation makes us do things we would never normally do! 

I don't know where you are my dear sweet son. I love you so very much and miss you. UR my heart and it is so broken, I don't know what to do anymore! I want my happy back. I'll never find it knowing my son suffers so much every day!

So sorry I am such a Debbie downer. Kids is what X-mass is about. I have lost the only thing that matters to me. I have been so depressed I have isolated myself from other family cause they speak so badly of my son, even his brother & all family members are so mean and disrespectful . They don't remember how bright and talented he is. All they see like society the AL not the person. They just don't get it. It's a disease of mind , body and soul. I am so tired, so very very tired......no one in the family cares about him but me? He is worth loving just because his life has been so sad & destructive he is still worth caring about, sending gifts, showing family love, respect and support. Even a stray dog out on the streets gets better care than he does. 

He never gets anything from the family and I try to hold it all together.i have no more strength left for him as this stress has taken a terrible toll on me I am very sick. No matter what he has done he is sick too and deserves a loving family. 

So if my son happens to come here, I want him to know that ..I wish him a Very Merry Christmas ....with much love...MOM

AND TO ALL MY KIND AND UNDERSTANDING FRIENDS HERE...YOU HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE..AND I THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. AND I WISH U ALL TO CONTINUE UR WONDERFUL

blessed journey thru sobriety forever and ever. I am so proud of you all especially this time of year...temptation & triggers it seems are at every corner. You are all my inspiration and I pray for you to all find happiness, love, and may UR futures be bright, sober & full of joy, and gratitude.

 

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear hope for cure,

    Your terribly sad heartfelt letter makes me feel very sad, it has to be terrible to not know how your beloved son is or whether or not he is safe and happy....I am sure that where ever he is, you are in his mind and his HEART...

    I consider MYSELF very fortunate that I can now face Xmas without any. Sense of dread, I also have a new gift to keep me sober... I am going to be the grandma of a new baby boy in early April.... I hope and pray for both you and your son to be well and strong. Xxx I will write to you very, very soon... truly sincere regards to you .. Deirdre... you are a. Really

    Remarkable lady xxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you Deirdre very much for UR kind understanding and gratuitous support.

       My alcoholic son has four children all different moms. I only briefly met one as a baby. Things feel apart..drama u would never believe.  ...I never had time to bond with them.

      I have so much hope for u and UR new grandchild & will be a special gift for u in so many ways. Give them all UR luv spend every minute u can with them ..by 12 they turn to others....... Pray that this addiction disease will not effect your family ever again!

      Saddness is not who I am.. Actually I used to be a very happy positive person until the reality of seeing my son on life support and admitting to myself who he really is now. He's not my son who I once knew. So many terrible things that have happened to him has changed him too. 

      If wishes and buts were candy and nuts we'd have a scrumptious Christmas.

      Hope u have a wonderful Christmas & a Happy New Year! confused

      Looking foreword to hearing from you! 

       

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  • Posted

    I don't really know what to say hope, apart from after reading your post my trivial worries over whose sitting next to who and have I got the right presents are insignificant compared to what you're going through.

    one thing that stands out above everything is that no way should you blame yourself. You've put your life on hold, never thinking of yourself, even to the point of putting your relationship with other family members at risk.

    at the end of the day he is you're son, no matter what he's done, or who he's hurt and let down. You will always love him. You don't like what he has become and you can see his faults, and it must be very sad hearing detrimental things about him from you're family. They know how hurt and upset you are as a result of what he has done, which makes them lash out and criticise him because of the effect it's had on you're life and relationship with them. 

    I  love all my kids to bits and realise how lucky I am to be seeing them all on xmas day. I also realise that I could be on my own, living in some hell hole where no-one knows if I'm alive or dead or where I am if I'd carried on drinking to excess. My son told me I had two choices. Carry on drinking and never see my grandson, or go back to being a loving mum like I used to be. My daughter whose a nurse, always used to offer to work xmas day on paediatric oncology. She found it easier being with dying sick kids and their families, than watch me guzzling wine all day. My other son was glad he had just xmas day off work.

    Fast forward 5 years and I am actually looking forward to xmas for the first time since the kids grew up and yes, I will enjoy my 5 year old grandson beating me on Xbox games.

    i guess what I'm trying to say and please don't think I'm trivialising your pain, is that we all have choices in life, some good and some bad. I was lucky I addressed my problem with alcohol, before it controlled me. I will have a few glasses of wine with xmas lunch, and not a bottle before lunch.

    it must be devastating not to know how, where or what you're son is doing for Christmas, whilst at the same time being with people who have dismissed him and no longer seem to care about him.

    i understand the only xmas present you'd like is a phone call. I think you said previously your were going to Hawaii for Christmas and also seeing a new grandchild for the first time. Please enjoy the new baby and yes you'll be thinking about you're son, but never ever feel guilty or take any blame for how he has ended up. You've done everything in your power to help you're son.

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    • Posted

      Hello Vickilou,

      How touched and peaceful UR heartfelt response has given me knowing that someone cares & took the time to read my post during this busy time of the year.

      Your letter has truly shown me how well u understand the many levels how alcohol can tear a heart & family apart. Yet u have a special way showing that u understand thru the many layers in an impossible situation.  I know u get every word..I truly know u have more than UR share of experience with all the ups and downs of this destructive disease.  

      I read UR response over and over because I realized I learned more about this disease from u than I could ever expect .

      Thank you so much for UR kind evaluation and caring words. They mean so much to me. 

      And  yes we r in Hawaii staying with our new granddaughter...how precious this new life is. This has been a good start for a diversion from the sadness of another loved one. I will stay in this capsule of happiness and not be a Debbie downer .... This is a chance to have happiness thru the Holiday's. How can anyone not be happy and feel secure while seeing the beauty of Gods work in the  islands & it's many beautiful resourses. 

      Wishing you you and UR family a Merry Christmas & a great 2015! confused

       

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  • Posted

    My thoughts will be with you and your son over Christmas, Hope.
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    • Posted

      Dearest sweet kind Paul, & most of all the extraordinary patience and perseverance in UR caring letters to many here, who needed your experience and specialized help, u give freely.

      u have more love in UR heart to be in the position that u are in giving others a new lease on life. Your advice is always spot on.

      Your counseling is very rare in this area of expertise. Many r still stuck with the old ways to help with addiction. UR a very special young man and I see that in UR responses to members here every day! 

      Yes I keep up with UR advice and knowledge shared at the drop of a hat.

      I wish is you much success in the future and a very Merry Christmas to u and UR family.

      Thankx for thinking of us. It means a great deal to me as I respect u very much. UR intentions to help members here are from UR heart as u truly care about each and every one. UR special insight to addiction has opened many doors for so many here who come for help.

      Many blessings sent UR way. 

      When you have a setback, don't take a step back , because God is preparing you for a comeback ! confused

       

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    • Posted

      Hi Paul, it is always nice to hear from hope x and yourself x ..... you always give advice without criticism, that makes a great

      Deal of difference.. you have helped very many people who are

      Struggling with this dreadful addiction, I am still glad to say that I am STILL SOBER.. it can be overcome and hopefully this new drug will help many...

      I too was invited to talk on the BBC RADIO five show, however a

      Problem arose and I was unable to, it was a shame it would have been a pleasure to hear your voice and speak to you in person....

      I wish you a very merry Xmas and a wonderful new year ( keep up the good work ) and hope I wish you what you desire most, an

      Angel to heal your beloved son and bring him back into the midst of your family once more, God bless hope, you truly are an

      Incredible lady who has touched very many hearts..xx

      To all on this forum, NEVER GIVE UP...GIVING UP... I was a truly

      Hopeless alcoholic.. sectioned 4 times, 2 weeks from death !! I

      Have now been sober for ten years.. thank god, so please.. never

      Give up hope.. we are all worthwhile people, and we all deserve

      Help and love xxx merry Xmas all and a safe and happy New

      Year... kindest regards to all, take care, Deirdre. Xxx

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your kind words Deirdre smile

      The Radio 5 Live show was first postponed because they didn't have patients who had taken Nalmefene to talk about their experience with it and then again, when I was already in the studio with headphones on and the Sydney siege situation suddenly escalated and they had to move to that story.

      I have worked with people with alcohol problems for a long time, now, I ought to be good at what I do but It is always nice to be told smile

      I hope your Christmas is all you desire too, Deirdre, and that you have a happy 2015 smile

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