My start to getting better

Thank you so much ADEfree..I really appreciate it!!

Hi Robin2015...I am married and we have a child..he was married before and have children from that marriage ...we have 1 child together...i have always been a drinker but not a heavy drinker..it turned for the worst about 7 years ago...i started buying alcohol and having it in my home..i moved from a few drinks on the weekend to drinking all day everyday...i am able to stop for a few days but I still have a strong urge and give in and drink more..my craving are mainly when I am having problems with my husband and his children...three of the youngest lived with us..it was very difficult because my partner was choosing sides...that is a whole other story...I truely blame myself for getting caught in a bad situation and while I do love my husband I cannot love his children...so I constantly battle that thought and so the alcohol helps me cope or I think it helps me cope with the situation...but my daughter is niw 10..i am able to be a mother to her everyday..but I am not able to give her the best me...so I really need and want to kick this demon...my only obstacle is me...I just need to hear and talk with people who may be in my situation and can give that extra support to get on track!! I do not have a strong family support system and I do not feel like reaching out to friends!! Thank you for you feedback..I am new here and have never been on one of the forums before so please for my lack of info sharing!!

great reply and too much going on in your life! No wonder you are stressed and feel the urge to drink..Advice can come from different areas. Any chance of some counselling in your area perhaps??

I am planning to start to get back into my faith..my church and talk to my pastor..i live in a small community..i do not feel good about going to just anyone..but I do know I need someone as an outlet!!

Hi Sharon 7979...yes I am married ...I started drinking when I would go out with friends then I moved on to buying alcohol to drink at home...It increased as I began to feel more and more like I was not happy with my marriage. From there I started drinking in the mornings....and I would drink all day until my family came home from school...work....i would drink hard alcohol..like vodka or tequila because I always liked to get that high fast....I am able to get things done but I just feel the need to have that drink..to relieve the pain that I am not happy with my life!!

Look to cut a very long story short, an aufal lot of what you say i can relate to and pretty much most of it i have done as well. In the end my partner left me along with my 8 year old daughter. He moved all the way to Scotland but on a bright note we are going to be together again. You have to ask yourself do you really, honestly want to cut down/stop? Its so easy to get caught in the cycle where you think one more day the same way wont matter but in the end it does. Have you been to see your doctor? I personally attend an addictions clinic for some talking therapy, its not the total answer to be honest but it does help, maybe just not often enough. There are meds that you can consider... there are many on here that would really be brilliant to advise you. How are you and your husband getting on, what about the kids etc... Its very hard to know that your life has come to this point but it can get better. You can be better and not have to do this everyday. The whole reason you have is come on to this forum is because you know that this can not continue so thats a great first step. Its about moving things and yourself on from here. I honestly know what a hard time you have been having. But over time it can be so different. I am still working on things myself and it is very hard at times... Keep posting and just open up about how your feeling. No one here will judge, i dont know how i would have got through the last few months without the people on here. 

I would also say that if you decide to stop that cutting down might be a better route as your body will have become so used to drinking. Like i say there are others on here who have piles of experience in meds and will hopefully get you on the right route. I am still waiting to hear back from the doctor myself. Anyway keep in touch and dont ever be afriad to just say how you feel xxxx

Thank you so much for that advice!! It's good to know others have ecperienced or are still experiencing the same as me...hence the reason I chose to get on here..it makes it more real when you get advice from others who have similar experiences!! Today is day one of giving up the alcohol...yesterday I did have a few drinks...but not all day long..Only had a few in the morning...the first week of trying to stop always is easy for me..but by time the next week starts the cravings kick in!! His children no longer live with us and I have made it clear to him that I will walk if he cannot change certain things...i realized that if i truely wanted to kick this demon i would have to get rid of the fuel that is feeding the fire!! That was my first step to becoming a better me...now my goal is to be sober for 2 weeks..then 1 month...then 3 months....i set small goals and i will work hard to keep them as long as I can..again..thank you!! Just talking about it has been of great help already!!

I think your right about small goals. Day at a time as they say, that is what i am trying to do. I have had a some fails but sometimes thinking too far ahead is not the answer. Also thinking in the past isnt either. Live for the present.

I dont know the history about your partners children although if i am honest there is probably resentment on both sides. You have your reasons for feeling that way towards them and they may also resent the drinking. I know my children did. Basically you and they have to let go of it, there maybe other reasons too i am sure,  so i suppose its about just working through it. Maybe as you say a little time apart is a good thing. Its also up to your partner to help with whatever situation is going on... you  can not do this on your own. If there is one thing i did learn from AA is that to get better RESENTMENT has to go. My partner also understands that i think... he and i have been through so much that it would be impossible to continue otherwise.

Keep the goals in mind... keep posting and use us for all we are worth. We all help each other at the end of the day by being able to help others xxx

Just want to also say that AA in the end was not for me in total. But the resentment thing is one part that always sticks in my mind and i do believe this is true. Resentment only breeds anger and not good feelings for all. Sometimes you just need to make the best of the day that lies before you, Not easy but hey living in the past with pent up emotion isnt either. Is your partner aware of how much you have been drinking by the way? x

Great reply from Sharon! Yes, we are all here to give advice and we NEVER judge anybody. That is for certain! RHGB, VickyLou, C3 FOundation and other know a lot about medication but I do not. I never took any medication and cannot giev advice. Try to chat with people around you Monica and I the charch helps then why not. Best of luck and I DO MEANT it....Robin

Thats the great thing about this forum, no one does judge, we have all been there or are doing it at the time. The church is maybe a way forward for you aswell Monica. It will be restful and peaceful i imagine which can only be a good thing. Like Robin and i have both said look at other options as well. Keep posting too. xxx

Hello and welcome.  You will find enormous strength on here, I know I have.  I have drank alcohol for about 40 years - not to the degree of the last 12 months but still every evening.  My intake went from a bottle of wine a day to two bottles.  Whereas I could function fine next day at work on one bottle, the last year it has been harder and hence I am on here.  I told my hubs that I had a problem but he said I did not (he does not) but then he thought I was still having my one bottle a night which I opened, whilst he had a beer, and happily left it on the kitchen unit to pour from.  What he didn't know was that the other bottle was hidden in my wardrobe!!  I have slowly got it down (not cold turkey - dare not do that) to 2 small glasses a night and Saturday and Sunday, a bottle each night which I use for sleep.  Needless to say Monday to Friday I get a couple of hours zzzzz's so by weekend I am like a zombie. 

I did not think I could get it down but I have managed it and apart from feeling sleepy, I do feel and look better. 

I am not religious but the church sounds a good idea in order to sit 'in the moment' and reflect on how to move forward in a positive way.  I use mindfulness and meditation to calm my mind and it really does work.  There are also lots of things on utube to give you a boost and get you on track.  I have not used meds but so many on here have with great success. 

Good luck and with help and understanding you can change it around and be happy from within knowing that you found the strength to overcome this huge struggle which all of us on here know exactly how hard it is.

Sorry Sharon, this sounds like I don't know you lol lol - this message was for Monica.

Sorry Monica - it is for you

Dont worry about it Gwen... started new job today but in all honesty its not for me in terms of what is being paid and time etc...its costing too much to get to the place as i dont drive. So when i take that off what they are paying it really isnt worth it.

Bit of a disappointment but hey move on. 

How you doin hun? x

Thank you gwen45436...I think that meditation will help me alot!! I have to learn to control my stress levels!! I do not wish to go the medication...like you all have said...taking baby steps and finding something that can keep me on track should work..You keep on pushing..you have made some changes and that is the most important part...we can beat this!!

Oh that's a bummer - I was just about to ask you how it is going!

Like you say - move on.  Fine at this end x

Its not the end of the world on the grand scale of things, basically i need something a bit closer or at least bus distance...it was just not enough to justify the time. It is just something i need to clear off a bit more debt before Scotland. Seeing Ethan today so that will be good anyway xx Glad things are good for you at the min xx

How did it go with Ethan hun ? x

HI Gwen. Great reply and like your input about meditation and Youtube. Why not?? Robin

We talked loads. I asked him how he was feeling about staying at his Dads so much...we then moved on to talking about moving house and he asked me where we would move to. I couldnt lie and asked him how he would feel about Scotland. The look on his face...I dont think i can do this. I cant leave him. I do feel angry right now at my partner for moving so very far away. WTF am i supposed to do? I know i wont be able to do it. The other side is that i face not being with my daughter and partner. But seriously the look on his face and his words...Ethan is just Ethan, he wasnt angry or anything but i honestly think he felt i was choosing them over him. 

God this is horrible, I can genuinely say i dont know what to do.

 

Oh sharon - what an awful situation this is.  No wonder you don't want to go to Scotland!  Have you talked to your partner?  It is looking like the cards are on on the table and a definitive decision must be made.

You must stay strong - goodness knows you have done so far.

Can't bear this for you x

Feel so low today there are no words for it. Partner and i rowed on the phone too last night. I love Ethan so so much. I love them both so much as well and miss them so much. What am i meant to do?

Aww hun - I had hoped for some positive responses - I just don't know how u r coping - of course u lov your boy so much - what a terrible decision to have to make - how can u move forward - well I cannot tell you - this has to be dealt with with your partner, children etc., I cannot advise you - you must do what u think is best.  I wish u nothing but happiness once u have sorted this - it will happen if it is meant to be   xx

I know i didnt expect you to have all the answers Gwen, i needed to vent off. Its impossible. I am not coping that well i think at times.

Sorry just being honest.

Tired of everything. My partner and i argued on the phone, he now seems to not want to speak. There is not much you can say, i do know that. I am fed up with the whole thing, life is in tatters pretty much.

Sorry - but dont get your partner ?!!!!  x

We do have our moments, its true. But i can see that things are hard for both of us right now. I was having a real low day yesterday and as i say i was upset about my son. Anyway as you say its something that only we can work out together xxx