My story

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi. This is my first time posting here. I just need to share what's going on with me.

I recently started a new job, after about 2 years of job hunting. About a month before I was due to start, I started to feel really anxious. At the time, it was the anniversary of my gran dying. I was seeing a guy who didn't want to be my boyfriend and who I suspected was seeing other girls too. I was also about to go away to London for three days, being away from home has been a trigger for my anxiety in the past. About 7 years ago, I suffered a period where I was housebound for a number of weeks. I have got much better than then and able to travel ok. So back to now...

I managed the trip to London. It wasn't all smooth sailing but it was ok. I came back and I just didn't want to get out of bed. I am usually a busy person, always doing different things. That side of me just seems to have disappeared. 

I started my new job and I was feeling really spaced out and just crying all the time. I made the decision to finish it was the guy I was seeing as I suspected that was adding to how I was feeling. So, that was over three weeks ago now and constant memories of him are running through my head. I just dont know how to make them stop. I have been strong and not being in touch with him, I know that nothing good can come from getting in touch.

As for my new job, I just feel like I am going to fail. I am filled with constant fear of feeling like I am going to drop to the floor and not be able to get back up. I feel spaced out all the time. My appetite is not what it normally is and I feel sick a lot of time. I am so emotional and can barely make it through the day without crying. I dont really like being on my own. But, then I struggle to be around people in my job. I find it hard to concentrate on what people are saying and I feel really dizzy. I guess I am scared that I am going to lose control. I know that I am not going to but it doesn't stop this for being truly horrible. 

I just think I wanted to share how I am feeling. I know that I am the only one who can make it better but it is such a lonely place to be in. I wish I could control my thoughts!!!!!!

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Find a new guy, dump the other one in your mind, get over this as soon as you want, or let it hang around for some interesting self doubt, and anxiety. Time does heal, if you have some to spare, if not, I suggest to get on with your life.

    From a guy.

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  • Posted

    You poor thing! I just want to give you a big hug. First off well done for walking away from someone who wouldn't have given you the support you need. You have lots of old emotions running around which have surfaced along with the stress of a new job. As a first port of call I would speak with your GP see if some counselling or talking things through will help. Not sure what your financial situation is but acupuncture has been a great help for me and has got me through some really low points. All your symptoms are classic anxiety ones, I too have the dizziness and appetite loss along with nausea. Horrid :-( what's your job like? Is there potentially support there with occupational health. You could speak with your manager and get referred as they will help support you and it's better they know instead of you struggling then having sick days. I've had lots of support and advice on here and every point is valid. You've just got to feel what is right for you, be it medication, counselling or alternative therapies. I always say never disregard anything as we're all different. Good luck, and remember you are not doing this alone. Share what you're feeling and either myself or someone else following your thread will help x Maria x
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply Maria. 

      I have been to the doctors. I tried taking escitroplam in August, I managed 5 days before I had a panic attack. As anxious as I have been feeling, the only time I ever experience panic attacks when on medication so I dont think it is right for me.

      I am having fortnightly counselling. It has just restarted after I contacted the provider to say I am struggling. The counselling I was having finished as my anxiety kicked in at the start of July. At least I am getting the support I need. 

      I let my manager know on the third day of my job that I was suffering with anxiety. I think she has put in a referral to occupational health.

      I have been trying to get to the gym as much as I can. I have found walking is a good release too. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Amber try and keep active as much as possible, keep seeing your friends. I know it hards sometimes and Im going through a bit or a rough patch myself and decided to go back on to a low dosage of meds as it calms my anxiety. Ive been like yourself with the crying fits I used to get them when I had finished and got home and on ocassions when walking home. Medication has helped me out and the support of my family.

    Really hope you feel better and its good you ditched the guy. Meds might not works for yourself but there is a few different versions and i found citalopram on 10mg worked for me to keep me level. 

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