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Sorry for the maybe somewhat useless post, however I feel like I just need somewhere to vent my frustration/progress/story and although it may be a bit tedious to read, if you take the time to, I thank you.
My life was going fine for a while, I had just got the job I had always wanted and everything else was going fine. I then through my own stupidness at the gym damaged my chest badly and developed what is described as costochondritis or inflammation of the chest wall, it's amazing how something so unrelated and seemingly harmless can turn into so much more? After batteling the severe pain for a while I then ended up with anxiety and depression because of it, symptoms ranging from severe heart palpitations and panic attacks, to social awkwardness, depersonalisation/derealisation, as well as occasional physical pain such as intense migraines which I had constantly every day for almost 6months.
I have been on a course of Antidepressant and anti anxiety medication ( Setraline and Propanolll) for around 5 months and although I feel a little better from them the improvement is not significant enough to the point I would class my self as cured.
I find myself constantly thinking about my "old life" and how good it was and how much I wish I could get it back, and take nothing for granted ever again, but it feels out of my reach and no matter how much I try to dig myself out of this hell I still have a lot of days where I can't be bothered being here, I wouldn't go as far as to say I am suicidal purely due to the fact that I could bear the thought of doing that to family.
I am constantly reminded of my current situation by different things, one of which is the apparent need for people to point out the weight I have put on due to said tablets, like why would you even care? People don't understand what can be going on behind closed doors in someone's life and are so inconsiderate when choosing what to say to a person, so this brings me down immensely and only adds to the depression.
At the beginning before the tablets I would genuinely look in the mirror and see a blank canvas staring back at me, I don't know if anyone else feels like this sense of derealisation, almost like you are looking at someone else's life or as if the world has a glaze over the top of it? It's a scary feeling which I still get even now. However I have been mildly better since the mess (minus the weight) but I need that next step, I need something or someone who is going to come along and grab me from this hell, yeah I know people have a lot worse reasons to be depressed but sadly depression is maybe different in how it is obtained but once you have it we are all the same.
I long to get back to my old self and if anyone could share tips on anything they maybe have done which helped them I would be appreciative, I recently started exercising again which is helping a little!
I hope everyone is winning there own battle and staying safe and I apologise for the rant but I suppose I need to vent it out somewhere!
Thank you for your time and good luck
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