My story 😓 "antidepressant free"

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Hello, I've never spoke out like this before but I feel like its time I share something not just so I can express my thourgths but as a way of maybe helping someone. Basically from the age of 17 I was hit by a black cloud of anxiety, depression, social anxiety, bipolar traits- you name it! I feel as if for the last three years I have lost the basics of life, enjoyment but more importantly my happiness. Although this has\still does destroy me- in this pile of madness I feel like I know the man I can be and I have witnessed this first hand ovo lol. I work and yes it has been a struggle sadly work contributed a lot to many of my failures but what doesn't kill you does make you stronger! I go to work daily or as often as I can (0hr contact) :\. I begin everyday anxious, panicky, physical anxiety but by the end of my shift I could stand in front of 200 ppl and be more confident and rid of all my problems. This isn't easy at first you must be-friend yourself, ignore the hurt, embrace embarrassment but more importantly remain calm hard I know! But after time it becomes a hole lot simple. When ever I feel the paniky rush I say to myself "anxiety is a word to describe the feeling of being attacked its the body's way of trying to protect itself it uses my anger,sadness, adrenaline for it to keep me alive this is called the flight or fight mode and this is my flight mode!" Fighting makes you worse n frankly ill, flight mode allows you to expierence the pain but you must learn to ignore the hurt by remaining calm( find your own calmness could be a deep breath or just by simply relaxing ur over processed mind) it may be significant but will become insignificent. You must face your fears even tho they created the majority of your scars in my eyes there is good scars you must push your body to the biggest thing you feared continuously with other factors like workout at home, eat well + work(they are just people a lot of them are irrelavent to your personal story) and you will find that- that panik attack in the shop doesmt even cross ur mind anymore. The reasoning of why I still suffering daily in the beginning is because of my emotions becus I lost the girl I love and man did I love her and I've lost so many if not all my friends. So I must find balance in myself before I can numb myself again( I figured this the other day xD) I am hurt and I am very depressed but I have hope because this life is worth fighting for! Because love will come again and I will be happy not just for me but for my family present and future. This is my personal way I have found I do not think I have a cure or claim to be your hero in this hour of need. I'm simply lending a hand to someone who maybe one day will help them out. That's if it makes sense 😁 haha. Its your recovery play as you fit as long as no one gets hurt! Dont beat yourself up if you mess up either your human! Remember these qoutes "presence is power" "pain is temporary pride is forever" "failure before success" and always stay 100 to yourself! + forget the haters and be a lover to much hate in this world as it is. I wish everyone the best, merry Xmas but more importantly a happy new year ✌

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    Don't worry about the length, it's an interesting story you shared. I understand about the work thing being a factor of the illness.

    have you also experienced crawly in your head. I agree with you, calmness is part of the way out of it. I think the anxiety as hellish of an experience, might actually be the start of healing and problem solving solutions in one's life. Need to try and get over the failures and losses or grieving. It's hard to believe such an ugly illness could actually be a healing mechanism we yet do not know, but it somehow realigns or balances brainwaves. Through practice of being calm, and focus has returned my bodily strength. I am now calming my mind, and redirecting focus on my pain inside my head, but I am scared, and the precence I feel discontues from healing me.

    I hardly get sick now, my seasonal allergy are cured, but my emotions are tangled. I would like to go back to work, but the slither pressure is unbearable. One time, the slither let go, and I was myself again but better than ever. That feeling when it let me go was life smelling and feeling awesome, and I was in it I cannot describe how wonderful life is when it let go, as if I want to remain there forever.

    Then the slither slime grabbed hold of my head again, then I felt dead in the world. One day, I will win against this snake in my head, and I can be me again, in life. That life felt different than the life in my past experience, it was much more better and refreshing, I cannot describe the joy in that life. I want this snake to let me go and give me back my life and my soul.

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