my story ,my battle with anxiety depression ? and sertraline

my story hopefully will give some of you a little uplift in the battle with this awefull condition,if someone said to me that there off work due to anxiety/depression, i would simply think whatever, firstly i want to appologise to everyone who as had or does suffer with this condition, because up until now i never thought that this condition was so awefull and horrific until it hits you.  firstly a little about myself. male 52 non smoker not a big drinker and also i thought fit and healthy,  run my own internet business from home and life was great, business was growing fast and so was the stress of running it, only myself and my partner ran the business.one day i simply felt ill not myself not hungry and a little dizzy, this was around 11am at work in my unit, my partner made me lunch and no sooner i had sat down to eat i burst into tears, i really don't know why, i was feeling a little low because i had an online argument with a supplier and i lost the plot , however i felt guilty and appologised 2 hours later, as it was playing on my mind, this i think started my anxiety. i went to bed and went back to work the following morning and again i felt weak off my food and nausea, so back to bed i went and there i stayed,5 days later i was still bed ridden feeling worse than ever, i lost 8kilo in 1 week, dizzy, nausea, breathing problems , slight constant headache, sweating not sleeping well at all, maybe 2-3 hours per night,i could not face anyone, scared that my family would turn up at our home,i feared everything even if i was expecting a parcel delivery i would worry, i couldn't even phone my parents as it upset me so much, i simply locked myself away in the bedroom. on the 9th day i was so ill i was rushed to a&e, ecg bp blood tests all done and nothing, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and told to see my own doctors and see about depresion meds,i didn't beleive them for all the symptoms i had, my blood pressure dropped so much when i stood up and was always close to 90/60 sometimes dropping to 88/55, this again made me feel more anxiety and more worry,but later i found out that the low blood pressure drop was because of my long time in bed, my headaces made me think i had a brain tumour, my sickness feeling made me think i had stumach cancer, i was thinking of my own will and giving my items to my kids who are all grown up, this would put me to tears everyday, i felt worthless useless and i just wanted to die,i could not take this anymore, i knew when i was going to have an attack or similiar and i simply could not prepare for it,anyway back from the hospital and still bed ridden, my partner called for my doctor to get my meds for my condition , but was told i had to get to the doctors surgery or they could not give me them, my partner asked for them to come out because i was in such a state and could not walk,and they replied i was too young for a home visit , this again made my condiiton worse, i felt the nhs didnt care, no home visit and no meds, 1 week later still no different and another 7kilo lighter, my partner called mental health team who managed to get the doctors out and start me on my meds which were 50mg of sertraline,for weeks i was awefull, symptoms worse to the stage were i wanted to sort my own symptoms myself, i purchased a blood pressure machine and a sp02 to test my own blood oxygen levels, it was getting so seriouse i was self testing my bp and blood oxygen levels over 50 times per day, and all this was because the doctors were not listing to me,i was even inspecting my own stools, one day it was like black color and again i found myself on google , but realised it was because of pepto bismal which can cause black stools, many times i was having nausea and telling them i was feeling awefull in my stomach, but they refused to come out and even one day told me to get a  taxi, or go to a&e, i didnt want to take up a bed in hospital when someone with a more urgent need could have it. i just wanted the doctor to come and visit me,after 1 month and now 2 stone lighter we finaly got a home visit from the doctor and again was reassured it was my anxiety which was the cause for my condition and was told i will get better, however i again said i was not feeling right in my stomach and after 2 visits to hospital and detected nothing, my doctor examined me and said something didnt feel right, next thing same day i am in hospital and having an operation to untangle my intestines and fix an ambilical hernia, which i was told earlier it was nothing to do with my stomach problems,so again back at home feeling awefull  cant do regular visits to toilet and in pain from my op,still got all the symptoms anxiety dizzy spells and nausea,district nurse failed to show for my first home visit after the opp and again we had to chase this, and it was making the anxiety return constantly, my condition was making me house bound and at week 6 still not been out, not seen parents or spoken to them, and wanted to avoid everyone,i felt so alone and if it was not for my partner i would not be here, she kept saying i will be ok things will improve,i started to sit at my desk and spend all my time on formus like this, i learned about everything medical,todate after almost week 8 the sertraline started to work, i seemd to feel life at the end of the tunnel, i still had not been to the doctors and i felt it was now possible to do so,i also booked an appointmentt for my first visit to the mental health team, however the day of the appointmnet i was feeling very scarred and frustrated but nausea and headaches had gone,to be breif, he asked why i was testing my bp and oxygen blood levels 50 times a day, i replied i dont know, he said then dont , put them away,the next day i refused to use them and see how the sertraline would help, as it was now coming up to 9 weeks.things were improving slowly and i finally made to journey to see my parents, and i simply broke down in tears, and they cried too and i said to them, i never thought i would see this day.at week 10 i feel much much better i was starting to go out more, most of my symptoms had gone, so all the worrying things had all gone from my mind and this in turn made them dissapear,i am now at approx 16 weeks and feel so much better, my sleeping as improved drastically,i have gained over 1 stone and had 4 good weeks compared to previouse ones,however last week i felt a little ill and had to rest for 3 days but nothing like early symptoms,i still feel scared to take part in many thing like birhdays, outings with too many people and town center shopping, but i see a very positive future and i feel the sertraline as done this for me,for me anxiety and depression as robbed me of my past months and my bussiness which i had to close, my health and my insanity, my mind and my passion, but it is returning and i simpy wanted to tell others that whatever you suffer try not to turn it into such a negative thought and hopefully like myself you can see that there really is a way forward.one thing i would recommend if you can, try playing a computer game, or read a book it did help me.i wish each and every one of you the very best for the future fighting this condition and if you are on sertraline please give it plenty of time for it to start working, if it fails to work there are others out there, but i have had a very good response from it.

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