My story with anxiety
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Hello all. I found myself on here four years ago living my worst life and wondering how I was going to get my life back. I denied medication for awhile, tried some, didn’t like them and then finally I found zoloft which seemed to and has really worked for me as I’ve had my life back for the last two years.. I’m currently on 100 mg and I take Xanax .25 everyday for th last three years. I’m 21 years old, my anxiety at 17 was extreme. I was living in a panic attack, constant chest pains, arms pains, fast heart beat, couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t enjoy anything, hard to even think things were so bad at one point. Backstory my mom died when I was 12, was always a very anxious little girl who had no guidance along her way to adulthood. In 2018, I lost my step mom to cancer and my best friend to a drug problem. I dealt with both as well as I could and didn’t let m know strength break, it’s been about 5 months since this all happened, the beginning of September I started to feel anxious it has come and it’s hard to shake, been crying a lot, frustrated.... I believe this is a short term thing, keep in mind I’m trying to figure out my next steps in life that I haven’t done yet, drive, get a new job, go back to school, it’s a very transitional phase for me. My doctor said she didn’t want to give me any more Xanax she wanted me to up my anti depressant so I tried 125 mg no real improvement, 150mg two days ago was a horrible day... I truly in my heart don’t want to go up. I want to feel in control of my own body and be able to say what I believe it needs, I see my doctor on the 26th, I want an increase on the Xanax as a tool to g lo me relax and hopefully return to taking .25 a day, I fully understand it can be addicting but I’ve been on .25 for three years, shown no issues, have no past of substance abuse, if I ever felt like I was needing more a day then I was comfortable with, I myself would think of other options. Right now I have to limit myself on Xanax and basically have a nerve wracking day with the thought what if I have a panic attack and don’t have enough for the rest of the month? Honestly it’s been a really bad thought. I’ve had this new psychiatrist as my other on is supposed to b back in November, do I change doctoRs if she gives me a hard time? I wanna get to a place where I’m not thinking about what meds I’m taking everyday and how much again and just living!!! I don’t wanna waste time feeling like poop
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Sway karleejeanx
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BellaLuna karleejeanx
Posted
I could write an essay here about the pitfalls of medications like Xanax but at the moment you will be more concerned with finding some relief.
Ideally though any benzodiazepine should be used short term and other meds are a personal choice but something like Xanax could help as you adjust to an antidepressant and the side effects which would hopefully subside as you get used to them.
Therapy is always a good idea too, with or without medication it gives you a chance to get to the root of the problems and find ways to cope or at least manage the best way possible.
I say this as someone who is 20 years older than you and took a few diazepam tablets in what was initially a very difficult time for me but 20 years later I’m still on them, they don’t work, I wasn’t warned and only in recent years did I suspect they made me worse.
I’m not saying everyone will have the same experience as me but just be very self educated as you work with the professionals.
No one even believed me until last year, well certainly no doctor or mental health worker and then I met with a therapist who actually said it first.
I thought my anxiety was bad before but over the years I went from panic attacks to agoraphobia and inability to function most days, I get out with my husband and we just about cope but that’s it.
The worst part for me is being told that after all of this time even a slow withdrawal carries a risk of making me worse.
I’m sorry to write what to others will sound like a horror story and many people do much better even withdrawing from them but it’s best not to stay on them for too long if you can possibly avoid it, some stay on them for years and report no real issues but it’s always a risk.
I think it’s better to use them as a very last resort, sparingly to get through the worst times or just until you find another way to cope.
The bottom line with any meds is that they won’t tackle the issues alone and even if you could take them forever and not have any bad effects it’s also worth investing the time to see what other options you have.
You’re 21, many years ahead and a future that should be happy and prosperous, life doesn’t give us what we want sadly but we can choose the best way to plan a better future with the right help.
Good luck and I hope you find a way ahead, no not everyone who needs benzodiazepines will end up worse off but I’ve seen enough to think it’s best to keep an open mind, you get one life and wasting years isn’t exactly what we want.
Nothing is solved overnight and anxiety of any kind can take a long time to resolve but the earlier the better and even 2 years of therapy, sustainable meds and follow up appointments to maintain your progress if need be seems like a better idea than collecting prescriptions and hoping it goes away.
For some people it does pass but most of us need help with it, it’s too complicated and individualised to resolve alone usually.