My wife left me because of depression or needing to find herself

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I have been with my wife for 12 years and married for 4+. We both have children for our first marriages (12 + 19). My step daughter has been difficult for about 10 years. Last summer my wife could not cope any more and attempted suicide. Our daughter reacted by rejecting us. Since then contact is sporadic with our daughter, but we holidayed 2 weeks together (all 4) in Summer. My wife has been telling me she is better dealing with everything, but 2 weeks ago she announced she is moving out and has to find herself. I am feeling terrible because I did not understand how upset my wife was and how difficult she found dealing with the situation.

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  • Posted

    Hi Andrew I'm really sorry to hear about your wife. I've experienced depression from both sides - my ex suffered severe depression and I have recently been diagnosed. When my ex was at his worst I found it very hard to understand everything and often blamed myself for not being able to help. I often felt that I was being pushed away but now going through this years later I realise I am pushing people away. Sometimes it feels easier to shut the people I love out as I feel that I am protecting them from this. My husband is very supportive and tries all the time to help but sometimes I need the space to try and work some of my issues out. There have been times when it has crossed my mind to leave. 

    Please don't be too hard on yourself not realising how much your wife is struggling - 1 thing about people suffering fro depression is their ability to hide how bad it has really got. Again most people who know me probably wouldn't have a clue the pain and anxiety I am suffering every day - my husband admitted he hadn't realised how bad  was feeling and simply thought I was a bit down and stressed. 

    The worst thing about this illness is there is no one suits all cure. If your wife feels she needs space give her that space to find herself but never stop letting her know you are there. I hope that it will all work out for you both but the main thing is for your wife to get better first

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    • Posted

      Thank you. It helps to know I am not alone in this situation. although it is unfair to wish anybody be in this situation. It was not until my wife left that I could understand (think I understand) the feelings she has been living with.

      It is the hardest thing to do to let somebody go that you love, especially if it because there is a chance it will keep them with you. The problem is knowing that they may not come back.

      At the moment its still all such a shock I am finding it hard to handle, but i know a fix is not possible without something changing.

      But understanding now the feeling she is living with is starting to make me see a change must be made.

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    • Posted

      Just to say i feel so sorry for all that you, your wife and children are going through. Thinking of you, hope you can keep communications open and have the strength to show love to them, also hope you get sound advice from people who really care and are understanding. x
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    • Posted

      Oh you've done well to arrange that, its a good start. Hope things start to improve now for you both. Keep in touch on here, hopefully it will help you to know you are not alone and you can ask for advice and support. All the best, take care.
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  • Posted

    Hi Andrew I know you posted this a couple of years ago now but I'm also going through the same situation. My wife is suffering and as been for the 11 years we've been together, she suffers from chronic migraines, anxiety and depression. We've been married for nearly 6 years and currently I've never known her to be this bad, now she's decided to leave me. I can't believe it I'm gutted and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm to blame. I hope your situation is now better. 

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