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My wife says she's unable to feel anything

Posted , 4 users are following.

hugues55876
hugues55876

Hello,

I have never posted on web help site but I really need some guidance. I appoligize in advance for the long post but I feel I need to explain my situation in detail in order to get some input. I have been in a common-law relationship with the mother of my two children for 17 years and it has recently come to what I think might be a point of no return.

Although I now realize that the issues have been around longer than that it all started for me 4 months ago when my wife asked me to go on a walk. Now don't get me wrong timings where not all good before that but I did not expect what she was about to tell me. That day she told me that she was "questioning our relationship. She told me that she had some issues she needed to deal with and that she was also questioning what her feelings were towards me. From then on everything got worst and I am afraid that my reaction to that day and the last 4 months made everything worst.

We have had several discussion since then but it was the end of any emotional involvement in her part and the beginning of a downward spiral for me.

In a nutshell this is what she had told me. She says that she does not know if she loves me because she doesn't know what love is. She told me that she doesn't think that she is capable of feeling things and that it has been like like that for several years. Now I must say that she is not the most caring or affectionate person to start with and that part didn't come as a total suprise but she even told me that every time she has said to me "I love you" in our relationship she has done so because she felt it was the thing to do.

It has been 4 months now that we are semi-separated (we still live in the same house with the kids and all but we do not sleep in the same room anymore) she is still telling me that she is unable to make a decision in regards to me. She is telling me that she cannot move forward in or out of it until she fixes issues within herself.

I am very much in love with her and it had been a very difficult 4 months as my emotions are out of wack. I go back and forth from telling her that it is over and we should part to being willing to stay on the roadside and continue on like this indefintely until she is able to understand what is going on inside of her. She had done a few therapy session but opt-out and is no longer seing any therapist.

I am so hurt by it that I am not helping the situation either by consistently trying to squish the live out of her. She is 48 and it really feels like a mid-life crisis mixed with a depression.

Is there anybody else out there that has gone through this that can give some guidance ?

1 like, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever hugues55876

    Posted

    You need someone like RELATE to sit you both down and talk this out together.

    At forty eight it could be hormonal and if that is the case Her Doctor may be able to give a medication, although if you are having problems sitting down together and discussing any concerns you may be having. in this Partnership.

    Have your Lady discuss any changes with Her GP and CPN, ask her if it would be beneficial if you were with Her when She sees the Therapist, this may help in sorting out both your problems.

    I went to a Relate type organisation with an old Partner many years ago and we also was able to talk to Her RC Priest and their Marriage Guidence Organisation as well.

    Sad to say there is nothing more I can suggest, you could of course leav the problem alone and let it settle. Personally I do not know how old your Children are and if this problem is upsetting them, although I feel the children may be well into their teens or older and they are not Her Children.

    We are here to chat

    B.

    • hugues55876
      hugues55876 borderriever

      Posted

      Hello borderriever,

      First thank you for taking the time to reply. It could have to do with menopause I don't know much about it. What is a "Relate type organization" ?

      Thanks again

    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 hugues55876

      Posted

      Surely you realise how condescending that sounds? Blaming menopause for someone not wanting to be with you? Seriously? If you can't see how utterly wrong that is, that speaks volumes

    • hugues55876
      hugues55876 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Humm,

      I surely didn't mean it that way, but you have point. The menopause factor is something she brought up not me, but again I get what you are saying

  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 hugues55876

    Posted

    As unpleasant as I'm sure it is for you, it really is up to her - if she wants to not be in the relationship, that's how it has to be - as it would be if roles were reversed. She doesn't need to have her mind changed, or have the assumption that she's wrong. It's just how she feels and that needs to be respected. To help yourself, make a clean break and get out sooner rather than later

    • hugues55876
      hugues55876 jmcg2014

      Posted

      Thanks for your reply,

      I know some of what you are saying is right. It is just hard to give up after 17 years. But it may have to come to that. I just wish she would be more decisive.

      Thanks

    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 hugues55876

      Posted

      Try and think about it this way. Imagine you were in a relationship and it was you who wanted out. Maybe for no otger reason than you just wanted out. You wouldn't want to feel unbearable pressure, you would want to have your decision respected. It will be terrible for your wife to have said these things, and feels these things - but she could have been dishonest and not told you. It's always a horrible situation for both sides, there are no winners - the best you can both hope for is to be honest about, be respectful and try to minimise the pain. Please don't treat your wife as if she does know what she wants, respect the decision and take steps to shorten the process, it'll be better for both of you, otherwise resentment will grow and things will turn ugly very quickly, it's inevitable

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 hugues55876

    Posted

    Hi Hugues55876 - sorry to  read of your pain. I would suggest that you move out of that situation. You both need space. Give her time to work out what her postion is and try not to influence her process. Explain to the kids why you are deciding this move and that they are not the cause of it. Your wife will reach a realization and will either want to start again or to continue with you. You should prepare yourself for either outcome. The constrctive thing to do now is to give her space. Best of luck to you.
    • hugues55876
      hugues55876 wayne1962

      Posted

      Thanks Wayne,

      I know it is the only way to go about it. I try to step aside and let her and it be but it seems that I can only do that for short periods of time and then I blow up. What I find the hardest is that she keeps telling me that it has nothing to do with me, that she has to figure it out in her own. In the meantime she is being very carefull at not creating any expectation and the distance she outs between us hurts me. She says that she is unable to feel empathy for anyone and that it has been like that for a long time. She wants to figure out if it is the way it will be for the rest of her life it if there is something she can do about it.

      Anyway again thanks for taking the time to reply.

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