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My wife: what about her anxiety?

Posted , 3 users are following.

georgeGG
georgeGG

As I have stated in another discussion, I have become very anxious as this is the week I shall be told what the RMI scan and biopsy reveal. I hesitate to talk of my anxiety which is uninformed and not under my control (logically I should be quietly waiting for the information). My wife is a worrier and usually I am not, so this is a marked exception to the norm. I fear to wind up her worryings and anxieties. I should be glad of your comments. George

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • peter06554
    peter06554 georgeGG

    Posted

    George

    We have all been there and yes its very scarry because its the unknown.This is the time when you need each other the most and support each other. People dont realise that the wife more than any one suffers almost as much as the patient.What ever the out come you have no choice but to face it. It is devastating and i know ive been there.No matter how tough you fight it together. does it make a difference depends on how much you want to stay alive. What ever gets thrown at you you have to deal with it.

    Good luck and I hope its not as bad as you think theres nothing you can do between now and then.

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG peter06554

      Posted

      Peter, you are right and I know that's right. Yes, we need to get together and do the best we can with what we get. She has been good at giving me a good diet. I notied that she has been improving it further.

      In some ways my observation is that the spouse suffers more emotionally.

      Peter, thank you. It is good to have your experience and wisdom on this forum. George

  • ken47739
    ken47739 georgeGG

    Posted

    Hi George

    Part of me knows how you feel, but you cannot know what to do without the results you are awaiting.  Why I say that part of me knows how you feel, is from my own ewxperience.  Basically I was admitted into hospital Sept 2010 with a suspected urinary tract infection.  This left my tired and run down (totally out of character). this continued and after several courses of anti biotics and reassurances that there was nothing sinister, I had a biopsy and in November was diagnosed with Aggressive Prostrate Cancer Gleeson Scale 9.  Whilst my Consultant was giving me this news He said that I was taking the results really well.  I replied that I would have been more surprised if he had told me that there was nothing wrong.  I feel sure that most people know when there is something seriously wrong with them.

    The following day I told my family that there was to be no discussions without me(especially bearing in mind that our eldest son is a Doctor) and what ever happened we would deal with it together.

    I have had the best of care both medically and from the family.  I told everybody I knew, it is not catching and not a stigma and it worked for me.  Incidentally you really find out who are your true friends.

    Very best wishes, life goes on.

    Ken

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG ken47739

      Posted

      Hi Ken

      Thank you very much for that informative account. Handling the family is something I must work on. Being placed behind a wall of silence while the family decide what will be done with you would be very isolatiing. Indeed I am to quite a degree in that position already because I am rather deaf. Often, my wife childes me, "are you not ready yet?" 

      "For what?" I reply in all sincerety as I would have no idea anything had been arranged. So I need to take extra care. Thank you for that point. 

      An important difference is our starting points is that I feel perfectly well. Without the PSA test, and subsequently been given an MRI scan followed by a biopsy I should have no idea at all that I might have a very unpleasant disease. 

      I am inclined at present to wait until I have the results before starting any significant discussion with my wife and adult family. My wife already has significant worries and conjecture might be unnecessarily distressing. So far she has shown almost no curiosity on the subject, That said you have valuable experience in the management of family matters and may well have further advice to offer which I would be very glad to receive. George

  • ken47739
    ken47739 georgeGG

    Posted

    Would be very happy to discuss with you when you have your results, every family is different.  I preferred to face things head on.

    Whatever the result treatment is improving every year.

    Best wishes for those results

    Ken

    • georgeGG
      georgeGG ken47739

      Posted

      Thank you Ken. That is a very kind offer. I intend to start a new conversation when I have the results. The question of family matters will move on at the same time and I can make some comment on what i have done and the sort of reaction and problems I perceive.

      Thank you too for your best wishes.

      George.

  • georgeGG
    georgeGG

    Posted

    I have received my first diagnosis T3 4+4=8. My wife is a little weepy and only wants to know the outlines and let the details come out as they will. I am happy with that. Children all told by email and siblings by letter. We are getting down to practical things. Thank you all for your advice and support. It is all greatly appeciated.

    George

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