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My world is falling apart

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christopher1111
christopher1111

Hi.last week I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. And given 1 month off work. This has been building for a few weeks. I have a stressful job working in a benefit office and it all got too much . I had pain after weeing which caused me to worry as well. For the last few days I have had constant pain in my chest back and tummy ache with occasional sweats. I cannot sleep well and cannot concentrate on anything during the day . I am constantly worrying about the future and how I can get through the next day. I have been put on citalopram 20 mg per day . Only on day 4 so no effects yet. Also I have confessed to my wife today that I have been secretly gambling and chatting online she Is devastated but says she wants to work through the issues. My guilt and causing her suffering is making my anxiety and depression worse. As i write this she has gone to bed feeling awful. I am sat downstairs worrying about everything and in pain.

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • rachael22558
    rachael22558 christopher1111

    Posted

    Hi christopher. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this terrible time. Have you considered counselling? My anxiety is generally health related i constantly think i have a illness and i am going to die. It is ruining my life i have a partner and 3 young kids. I do think this is a reaults of a very traumatic few years with family related issues. I had my first counselling session last week and feel like this will help me move forward xx
    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      Hi Rachael. Thanks so much for your reply. I feel for you especially with 3 young kids to care for. I have contacted my local CBT today . They say I will have a phone consultation in a week. Do you have any physical symptoms? My chest and back pain is getting unbearable . I can only see it getting worse due the guilt and shame I feel for upsetting my wife
    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      I do have many physical symptoms including chest and back pain. I also have started with hypnic jerks at night. Literally just as i am falling asleep i gasp for air. It can go on for hours. Been to the docs this morning and they have put it down to anxiety. Does your wife know you are feeling this way? I can honestly say that being as open as you can with her will definitely help you, and her. If she wants to work through the problems that is really positive xx
  • christopher1111
    christopher1111

    Posted

    Hi Rachel . I have not heard of hypnic jerks . What are they? Yes my wife and I have had a few chats. I know she will have trouble trusting me . She said today. That she's has bouts of thinking we won't be ok and bouts thinking we will. The trouble is that each time we talk about the issues my anxiety goes through the roof and I get pains in chest under ribs and back ! Which won't go . My nights are terrible too. Last night I was so achy with the pain I couldn't sleep at all until about 1.30 and woke up at 6 . Do you take any painkillers for your chest pains ? I am trying to codomal but not sure they are having any effect . There must be some sort of pain relief that helps!

    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      Its basically when i am about to fall asleep i jolt up and gasp for air. Its awful and keeps me awake for hours. I just take paracetamol which does ease it. I feel at a loss though. I think you need to give things time with your wife. Things are still raw. Keep communicating and all you can do is do all you can to get the trust back. I know its hard. I think cbt will help though. Maybe therapy as a couple woule be good? Xx
    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      Hi Rachel. Things are not good between my wife and I. She said tonight that she dosnt think I mean anything to her anymore and that she is scared for us . I feel I'm losing her and there's nothing I can do. I know I'm in for another sleepless night in great pain worrying about this and work. I have no friends here to turn to all my family live 50 miles away.

    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      Hi how did you sleep? Can i ask where you feel the back pain is it at the top? Do you have anyone you can talk to over the phone about this? And do yoi think maybe your wife needs a bit of space to think about thngs properly? I know someone who was in a similar situation and one of them moved out for a couple of weeks to get some thinking time x
    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      Hi rachel, thanks again for ur support. I slept terrible last night , came downstairs at 1.30 then back upstairs at about 4 probably got 2 to 3 hours in total. My back pain has been in the middle near the top . Things are a little better between us today . She cares full time for her mum and brother so can be home with me some of the day which is good, although I will be home alone all day tomorrow which I am dreading . She said we have to come through the other side or it will be the end. So things are a little more positive . Sorry to go on ! How have you been last night/ today?
    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      Well that sounds really positive!! Just keep trying i am sure things will work out it will just take some time. I have started with back pain at the top on the middle too.... was starting to worry but it is probably just the anxiety. I haven't felt very good...got that constant nervous feeling it just won't go away. I started taking some medication for anxiety yesterday the dr prescribed. So need to wait a couple of weeks for them to kick in xx

    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      So sorry u not feeling good rachel. I have the same constant nervous feeling. Worrying about what the future holds , how my night is going to be , how will I get through each day ! What medication are u on? I'm on citalopram 20mg per day, only on day 5 so not seen any effect yet. They can take 4 to 6 week to kick in . Which seems like a lifetime!

    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      I am on 50mg a day sertraline. I hope yours start to work soon, at least it will just take the edge off for you. I have always been a bit against medication for anxiety, but needs must i have to function better for my kids x
    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      Yes rachael I so hope ur medication kicks in soon for you too. How was your night ? Mine wasn't too bad. Had some strange feelings that I was aware of everything around me and not asleep but my wife assured me i was. Probably side effect of medication . Just got up now but my anxiety pains are starting again. I have to try to keep busy as I'm alone for most of the day but it's very hard. Do u struggle to concentrate on anything? Watching TV ? And just trying to relax at all?. Are your kids school age? How is your partner coping/ helping you?

    • rachael22558
      rachael22558 christopher1111

      Posted

      I slept quite solid last night i am so pleased. Its strange as i used to feel more abxious at night but its kind of swapped to day time now 😔i do struggle with carrying out my daily jobs like the housework etc i sometimes just need to go a long walk. I watch a bit of tv at night which helps me a bit. My kids are 8, 4 and 2. 2 of which are on the autism spectrum so it can be very difficult. My partner doesn't cope well at all. He just doesn't understand how i feel at all. Tells me to stop overthinking etc etc but its easirr said than done. I think he feels neglected a lot of the time x

    • christopher1111
      christopher1111 rachael22558

      Posted

      So glad u slept well Rachael! I think I maybe the same, before last night I was up with my wife at 6.15 as I start thinking too much if I stay in bed but this morning I stayed in bed until 8.20 . I think I will go for a long walk this morning and find the motivation to do some work in the house. Aww yes must be so hard with 3 kids but I guess they are a motivation to get better. Difficult as well if your partner dosnt understand how u feel. One of my issues is although I think me and my wife will be ok I can't stop thinking about the hurt I have caused her and don't want to keep talking about it as my anxiety goes through the roof when we do . As you have said only time will help with that. I also have work getting on my back I have phone consultation on Monday so not looking forward to that either they don't understand that this is going to be a long term problem!

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