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A few years ago my mom told me, that I was not able as an infant to keep any food in me and that probably explains my constant fear of vomiting. I am totally afraid of it and it really became a problem, when I was about 14 years old. Every day I felt nauseous, especially during eating or when I got transported in any way. I avoided certain activities, just because I was afraid, something would happen. It wasted about two years of my childhood, becasus I was constantly scared, but then it suddenly dissappeared.
Now I am 18 years old and everything seems to happen again, but it is worse. I start the day off normally, but in the evening, especially when its dark I feel nauseous. Sometimes I even avoid eating. This should be an exciting time of my life, but instead I carry a plastic bag in my pocket, becasue I am afraid. During everything I do, I remember the times in my childhood, when I threw up and then I will do this action over and over again, until I do it and think about a time, when I felt good. For example I place a glass so many times on the table, until I can think of me feeling good at the same time.
The situation seems to be unimprovable and I lose all my hope. There is no way I want to spend my whole life like this. The medicine against nausea does not help. It makes me so sad.
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