Need a little advice on PIP

Hi Sukes, thank you for your reply, it was very helpful. I'm sorry you are in such a bad way. I have to admit I am terrified for the future. I'm not quite as bad as you but my teenage daughter helps me a lot with housework and cooking (otherwise nothing would be done!) but she will be leaving home in perhaps one or two years and I honestly can't think how I will manage. My son is only 10 just now and the last thing I want is for my children to have to look after me 

Hi Trisha, thank you. This is will be my third application for ESA. I have completely lost the plot now! Yes, I have spoken to welfare and they are going to help me with the ESA this time, and the PIP form. Hopefully they will do a better job than me!! The only thing I've had help with before was my recent appeal tribunal. That was with citizens advice. I have to say though I feel so let down by them. The first lady I saw was lovely and submitted my request for an appeal. But then when it came to actually drawing up the appeal letter I met with someone else...for about an hour at the most. Then the next time I saw anyone was at the tribunal and it was someone I had never met and he didn't even know it was for an ESA appeal!!! He was a nice guy but did nothing to help. To say I was 'in a bit of a state' would be a gross understatement! I'm also now wondering if I should speak to the GP again about my mental health. I've been on 40mg Citalopram for about a year but I often feel like I am going insane (and act like it). I am ashamed to say that when I got the result of the tribunal on Tuesday I exploded. Or melted. Or cracked up! I screamed and shouted and broke down and felt like I was zoning out. Some lady came running in to help and I remember trying to grab onto her with my eyes shut. I felt like I needed to cling onto someone. It was complete panic, desperation and despair. I made quite a scene. I'm so completely embarrased thinking about it now but it just came out. I wasn't in control of myself at all. But I break down at home too, and rage and cry and get irritable over stupid things. My brain just can't cope. I have tried to get this across at the GP's before but I don't feel they have really taken it what a problem it is. I can feel quite happy and be laughing at something with my teenage daughter (she is very funny!) and then maybe my son will do something like knock a juice over and I just can't cope! It will be like the end of the world! I know that's not normal! I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'll just add that I don't think it's all down to the fibro. I came out of a 20 year relationship with a complete narcissist in 2014. I was already a train wreck before the fibro flared up!

Oh lordy lord. Sorry trisha, I've gone on a bit (as I seem to do!).

For one thing don't you worry, I'm happy to listen, I might need you to listen to me sometime this is what we are here for and another thing don't be embarrassed about breaking down, if anything the dip should be ashamed of themselves putting you through all of this. I swear it makes my blood boil to the way some of us really ill people are treated. Consistency is what you need in the way of help, I had the same welfare officer from start to finish as well as my sister has. They can be such a crutch for everything, they know what they are doing, so please try and get that. Eventually when I went for a pip appeal I signed a disclaimer allowing them to get all of my doctors records, they paid for it and I had nothing to hide. Turns out the best thing I ever did, they couldn't believe how thick my notes were, and that was only for the past year. If you ever need anyone to have a rant at, use me, I don't mind, I can relate to you in every way and that's what we all do here. Sending warm 🤗 hugs

Thank you Trisha, your reply means alot. I feel completely loopy! I managed to get an extension on my PIP form so I can go to pain clinic first, and have an appointment with welfare to help fill the form out. Just have to TRY () and get a GP appointment for tomorrow then I will apply for the damn ESA again! 

Thank you again. I really do appreciate your kind words. Mari xxxxx

Hi Trisha, well I'll take you up on that offer right now if you don't mind!? I have a GP appointment later. With someone I've never heard of! Think they must be a locum. Do you or other people have this problem? It's so so difficult to ever get an appointment at my health centre and during my to-ing and fro-ing over the past couple years I've seen three GP's (might be 4...who knows!?). How am I meant to get consistent care if I never see the same person more than two times in a row? There is one GP that has treated me the most but I think she tires of me. She has told me off before about taking too much time and I felt so fobbed off by her and another GP there that I started to doubt myself. If it wasn't for a third GP (who I saw only the once!) I wouldn't be sitting here right now with my Fibro diagnosis. I was hoping to see her again today because she was the only one that actually listened to me, but now I'm stuck with someone I don't know. I need to talk to them about my mental health, but how can they really assess me if they have never met me before!!? I have to do it today as I have been putting off going to the GP for various reasons and I need a sick line which I can tell the JSA adviser about tomorrow and also to send off with for the ESA.

I'm going to tell this GP today about my meltdown at the tribunal and my mood swings. I'm really confused about my depression/anxiety. I know that a lot of it is definitely from the pain and sheer frustration of the fibro. But even apart from that, I just don't feel like I can function 'out there' anymore. I think I mentioned my ex husband in another post. Well he was your textbook narcissist (which I denied to myself but eventually had to acknowledge after counsellor thought otherwise!). And he broke me. He really really broke me. My head feels so messed up. And I know people don't realise how bad, because I put on a 'front'. And I'm a natural smiler. I can't help it! It's my downfall I think. Sometimes I can't hide it of course...like the meltdown in public last week  But actually saying out loud to someone that I just cannot cope with a 'normal' life anymore sounds like I'm just trying to avoid getting back out there. And I haven't wanted to admit it to myself but I always just go along with what others say. I always feel (by GP's included) 'jollied along'. But nothing changes. I still always feel the same. And it's not that I don't want to enjoy life. I just can't deal with the concept of 'normal'. My brain just can't deal with that.  I don't know, maybe it's just the fatigue!

Oh, I don't even know what it is I'm asking your advice on here. Just feel lost and confused.

Hi mari34228, just wanted to assure you that I can relate to everything you have posted here so, if nothing else, I can reassure you that you are not alone, all your thoughts and feelings are valid, you're not losing the plot.  Feeling lost and confused, that is my redefined 'normal' it would appear  .

First thing is yes, they will be able to assess your mental state, they have a guideline and they ask you questions fro it and it tells them how depressed you are, don't you worry about how much time your taking, that's their problem, and yes you do have to tell them about the other day because I would say that your reaction, although natural does probably say your not coping, that's what that doctor is there today for, YOU! Let me know how you get on

Thank you. And thank you for using the word 'valid'. That little word means a lot. xxx

Hi Trisha, yes I will do. It's so hard to admit these things about yourself. I hate asking for help, but nowadays that's all I want. Just to collapse in a heap and everyone rush round me! But you are right, and I promise to do it! I need to get this across to someone.

Thank you again. xoxox

Well I take back what I said. The locum could not have been nicer. Lovely, paitient, and I'm guessing semi-retired, gentleman. Asked the right questions and gave me time to talk. He was brilliant  Upshot of all that though is he is refering me to a psychiatrist!!! Not particularly what one wants to hear, but I feel so much better not to have been fobbed off (again).  xxxxxx

I'm so pleased that someone listened to you Mari, it must have given you a bit of a lift.

Brilliant, and don't worry about psychiatrist, that's good news, it means your being taken seriously, and you will get all the care you need without a time limit on it. So yeh!!!!

Haha! Yeh indeed!  Thank you for your support and advice trish. xxx

Any time, I've honestly been in your position, that's why I get it. Big hugs