Need advice dating with Genital Herpes!! Please!

Hey Sean im from Australia also, I contracted hsv1 genitally when I was 18 so i understand where youre coming from. the stigma is huge and I think its unnecessary especially when people arent educated with the facts first. 

which is why I think talking about the facts and realities is a good position to take when telling potential partners that you have genital herpes.

Being comfortable about it and confident is what will make her feel more comfortable. she'll see that if youre calm about it, then she has no reason to be worried either, she will be calmer  and therefore more accepting.

Tell her what its like, your experience with it, statistics, what you know. then tell her thats why youve been a bit physically distant because you wanted to find the right time, place, etc  to tell her because you didnt want to do something without informing her first. Suggest that she does a bit of research on it herself and if she doesnt feel comfortable continuing the dating that youd appreciate it if she didnt tell anyone about it. 

I think telling her the ways you keep on top of it, medication, vitamins,  etc whatever it might be that you do and that if she  does decide to continue with you, that youll always tell her when/if you do have another outbreak and during that period youll have to abstain from sex and for every other time youll always use condoms.

 The worst that can happen is she rejects you, in that case move on and find someone else, not everyone will reject you.

Ive told people and had reactions from not caring and being glad i could be honest with them , to people being shocked, waiting that night and then hitting it off the next time we hooked up. Ive told people during late midnight conversations, and while someone was going down on me (I have type1 so I figured its the same as coldsores so he wouldnt get anything if hes had them before) and things were leading up to sex. 

The reality is its not a gianormous issue, I see it like a havig a cut or a pimple, its irritating, stings and hurts a bit, but then it leaves and its all good. it cant hurt your body genitally or orally its a very superficial virus. Yes if you have other health conditions at play it can flare up badly but in that case youve got other problems to worry about more than the herpes.

Of course iys different for everyone, but you have to date at some point and who know s maybe she will also have something to tell you and will feel comfortable enough to tell you if you lay it down first. 

sorry if this is a bit confusing and compact to read, im super tired haha anyway good luck to you, just jump in and give it your all, you sound like a really respectful and considerate guy and that you care about her, I think those aspects alone could win her over.

Hi Sean!

I've never written in a pubic forum before but I've just stumbled onto this and I can 100% relate to you. Unlike what other people have said, no Herpes isn't only just contracted from 'fooling around'. I contracted the Type1 Herpes Virus two years ago when I started university. I lost my virginity and contracted the virus at the same time, Yipeee. NOT. We did use a condom, and after consulting with my GP to have it diagnosed, my GP said it was Type1 which means i contracted it from my sexual partner's mouth. He DID NOT have any signs of having a cold sore, and he had never had a cold sore in his life, and neither have I, which means it was transmitted from the skinn cells and not an active breakout. Luckily enough to this day I have yet to have another breakout, which my GP said was very unlikely for me anyway seeing that outbreaks are less likely when Type 1 is transmitted to the genital area. 

However, I do feel your pain in finding it difficult to open up and be honest to someone and tell them you have the virus. It's fair for both partners to know and be aware, but it's not easy to have the conversation, which is why to this day, I have yet to have that conversation with anyone. My friends know I've got Type 1 Herpes and they are very supportive about it becuase they know how unlucky I was in contracting it. I have been sexually active with about 20 sexual partners since I contracted the virus, so in two years. I use a condom every time. No I didn't tell any of these past sexual partners i had the virus, and none of them have contracted it. 

Having the virus, I feel I will nevr be able to get a boyfriend, because no one wants to date a girl with the herpes virus. I feel embarassed even thinking of having the conversation because i know it'll only end one way. Therefore I've decided to just keep my emotions and feelings at bay, while still being sexually active with whomever I please. 

One day i hope to be in a stable relationship with someone and them be fully aware of it, however in this modern age i doubt that will happen, and i guess i just have to live with it.

Living with it doesn't mean making your life miserable and feeling sorry for yourself, sh*t happens, you have to deal with it. What's the  point in dwelling over every single problem, there are worse happening in the world. 

I say be as safe as you can, and live your life freely.

And i hope you get the girl

i think the important thing is if u know u have it , NOT to have sex with her unless she knows. if u are on the antiviral medication & not having an out break the risk of transmission is supposedly quite low, do some research & explain it to her that it has been driving u crazy because u Care about her & very attracted to her & dont want to put her in any risk without being able to access the facts & info for herself.

Just remember, a virus shouldn't define you. If she doesn't want you then forget her; that means she is shallow and you don't want a girl like that. I recently started dating someone and he told me (before sex) that he had genital herpes. He was incredibly nervous and when I told him that I had it too, we both found comfort in that. If this girl doesn't work out, maybe try to find someone who does have it.

Hi sean im 20 years old and i was told that i had herpes nov 7,2011 i believe i kind of block it out of my head sometimes because i dont want to accept this i dont know mysef anymore i really feel myself going crazy