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Need some advice for dementia

Posted , 4 users are following.

dotty66
dotty66

My mum had memory test 17 out of 30 in the Moca which shows early signs of dementia.my problem is mum isn't in good health anyway and lives alone aged 72 my problem is..What happens if my mum refuses to let the carer's in? And doesn't want the social worker involved?? I really don't know what to do with it all. Please help me

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • lily65668
    lily65668 dotty66

    Posted

    Been there, Dotty. I'm sorry to have to tell you that if she refuses to let the carers in they have no powers to enter. Some are better than others at persuading confused elderly people to let them in, but many will just go away (as they're authorised to do). Do you have a local Alzheimer's group you can call on for support? Doesn't matter if your Mum has another type of dementia - e.g. vascular - they can still help. I went through nine years of hell with my mother's dementia (and so did she). Sorry to be so downbeat, but I'm afraid you're in for the long haul.
    • dotty66
      dotty66 lily65668

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply Lily.really like you said this is just the beginning of things getting worse..I feel really guilty as if it's my fault but deep down i know it isn't but it doesn't make it any easier. Some times it feels like a yoyo one day mum can be so moody and nasty so i leave her to it then I go back the next day and she acting like ad if nothing has happened and can't remember what she said or do part of the day before...she thinks I am nagging her about things but I try to explain things in a simple kind way so she can understand it better...Thank you for listening to me...this is all new and i get so emotional about it..
  • stefania3
    stefania3 dotty66

    Posted

    Hello Dotty,

    I am sorry to hear about your problems. I know exactly what you mean, as I'm having similar problems with my own mother, who is 89 now. I live with her so I don't have the worry that she won't let anyone in (though she has refused help if I want to go on holiday - so I don't go away!). Like your mum she can be fine for a while and the next minute, for no apparent reason, she is horrible and abuses me verbally. I have had to learn to ignore the horrible things she's said, but no, it isn't easy. I try to remain calm and avoid issues where I know there will/could be a negative reaction. It's like treading on eggshells all the time. But I have a part-time job (at the moment) and that helps me to get out of the house and get a breather. I had to speak to her GP before Christmas to try and get her assessed in the Old Age Care Unit, but we're still waiting! Sorry to be so negative, but that is the truth. I do hope that you will manage.

    • lily65668
      lily65668 stefania3

      Posted

      Stefania, I really admire you for living with your mother. I'm afraid I could never have done that. Although I never married and was an only child, I left home at 20 and made my own life. By the time my father died, when I was 43, I was living 200 miles away from my mother. Friends of the family were very critical of me, saying I should sacrifice my life and go back to live with her, but I was too selfish to do that. In fact, she was only 70 at the time (the age I am now) and still doing a half-time job, so I didn't really see the need. I did, however, stop going on holiday, so I could use my work holiday allowance to spend a four or five-day weekend with her every month.

      It was 10 years before the dementia really kicked in, but from then on life was hell for both of us. I lost my job because of constantly having to drop everything and run home, and ended up just doing occasional secretarial temping. She scored 23 out of 30 on the test Dotty is talking about, which meant she didn't officially have dementia at all, so we couldn't get any help. The problem was that my Mum had always been good at mental arithmetic, so she sailed through the "subtract 7 from 100" bit - carried on regardless till she got to 2! Although she couldn't remember any of the words, didn't know her address, thought it was 1979 (in 2006) and didn't know what season it was, she passed with flying colours.

      I'm glad to hear you have a part-time job that gets you out of the house for a few hours a day. I know how stressful it is to be around a dementia sufferer.

      Dotty - I see your mother scored 17 out of 30 on the test. At least that's in the "official" dementia range, so help will be available. I know some care workers are really good. My friend of 50 years' standing also lived with her mother, who died last year, aged 99. After my mother's death, I used to go and stay with them for a few days every couple of months, so she could go away for a night. The old lady had carers in three times a day and many of them were wonderful. I really hope your Mum gets conscientous carers, who won't take no for an answer if she tries to send them away.

    • stefania3
      stefania3 lily65668

      Posted

      Hello Lily,

      It was good to hear from you - always good to hear from people who have/are going through the same situation.  I am dreading the next few years and how things will pan out.  Luckily I/we have two rescue dogs who are my life's joy: always pleased to see me!  So I have some distraction and I also do a lot in the garden - back permitting!  When the public healthcare nurse came round, she asked my mother some questions and I was shocked at how her memory had gone.  She thought it was 1915 instead of 2014, March/April instead of October....at times she's also thought I'm her younger sister and whilst I was very upset that I didn't appear to exist anymore for her at times, I have also adjusted to that.   My mother also has bad osteoporosis and bad knees, so I do know that she is suffering from that as well.It's certainly no joy getting old! 

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